I am currently trapped between a blue wall, a red wall, a green wall and a yellow wall. Not sure how i got myself into this scarily odd predicament? Yet i’m pretty sure i managed this little bit of fate through sheer stupidity. Earlier i was frightfully bored and thought a little bullying would help me entertain myself. However, it does quite seem that ‘Karma IS a bitch’ after all and if you deliberately bully and abuse someone, you will end up being trapped between a blue wall, a red wall, a green wall and a yellow wall. HEEEEEELP!!! All i have is my Blackberry and a laptop…which is pretty much all i need, so i’m actually fine. This shit rocks! Wouldn’t it be awesome if you could plunge into the blue wall and fall into a land of ‘Smurfs.’ Then fall back into the red wall, and be surrounded by a pool of rosey petals. (You can tell i’m bored!)
Anyway, i sent one of my friends in LA a text message reading, ‘Why are you such a fucking whore?‘ All my closest friends will on occasion get a randomly abusive text message from me at some point, for no other reason than ‘fun.’ It actually means i love them. I’m really quite mean to the people i love the most. (It’s sarcastic funny mean.) I’m working on that flaw in my personality. (lol.) They responded by saying, ‘You’re actually still alive?‘ And i sat and thought to myself, ‘Wow, i must have had some fun!! How the fuck did i end up locked inside a rainbow walled room????’ Apparently the last time this person saw me, i was shimming backwards into a heavy crowd of handsome males, in the LA evening heat, in a golden sequined dress. I had a malibu pineapple in my hand, a pink cocktail umbrella in my hair, the moon was full, then whilst evil laughing out loud, disappeared into the sea of delicious handsomes…backwards, never to be seen again. A year later i text them, stating that they are a ‘whore‘ and of the ‘fucking‘ variety!
Here some of my other ‘Last time i saw yous’:
. ‘You were standing on a 2 ft wide merry go round in west hollywood, spinning as fast as you could doing a tequila dance and waiting for a bartender to get off work, so you could f*** him.’
.’You plucked my phone out of my hands, and through it into a pool in Palm Springs, whilst scolding me for being careless. I only let you get away with it cos you were in a bikini and had my ipod.’
‘You were being fireman lifted by 4 gays into your appartment after passing out in a park, in a lime green fedora. They had to break in and started raping your roomate, and just dumped you on the floor.’
‘You were lying to me.’
‘You were sitting in the street at 3 am, hysterically crying because a boy didn’t love you, with a tray of sushi as your only friend.’
‘You were getting me run over by a powder lemon convertible Beetle and couldn’t get me to the ER due to your uncontrollable laughter.’
‘You picked up my patio furniture and threw it over a balcony because you were mad at me!’
‘You were telling me you loved me, and how i was The One. (You never called me again.)’
Like i always say, the most important to being a social climber or a true liver of life, is to leave that little piece of reputation behind you. I’m not scared of anything…(but midgets.) I’ll do whatever it takes to cause a bit of ‘look at me!’ (Yes i am that tragic…but luckily i’m funny and people adore me!) Try it, they’ll buy it!
Chrissie Wunna x (Enter Selecta!)