So, I’ve had to come home early because the fluey-flu-bug got the better of me and well there’s only so much concentrating you can do, with stingy eyes and a snotty nose, as your muscles ache and your head bangs, before you throw in the towel, reach for the sympathy card and call it a day. Luckily, the people in my surrounding area agreed, because I apparently looked ‘unwell,’ which is code for ‘like shit.’ 🙂 Therefore, i’m home now. However, not to rest, but to instead have to pre-prep dinner for my later hungry mouths that will shout ‘Mama-food-gimme’ shortly after 5pm. A woman’s work really is NEVER done. But I do love being a woman, so I actually wouldn’t have it any other way.
On my way home however, I found the weirdest kit, known to mankind, where in which I am SURE you have to be in a fine state of utter depression, or on happy pills, in order to literally find the hope, time, or actual sense to commit it. Today, in HMV, I found this:
The KNIT YOUR OWN PERFECT BOYFRIEND KIT! What the HELL kinda of *do lots of swearing here* past time is this!!! Who has invented this kit and made millions off it, because it seems to be in every single high street store available!! EVEN DEBENHAMS have it in stock! Who has marketed that SO WELL that it will probably end up being in the stockings of every single girl this Christmas??? (Wouldn’t it be funny, if I actually had…as marketing is what I do for a living…and I secretly was trying to ‘reverse psychology’ you into buying it. 🙂 ) But whatever, they’re obviously doing a great job. I certainly saw that bit of knitty DIY and decided to write an ENTIRE blog about it, meaning they win, with a large dollop of free PR for everyone.
The funny thing about it, is the simple fact (and only to me because i’m a cynic) that it STILL dictates the difficulty a girl will have to go through, in order to find her ‘Perfect boyfriend.’ I mean, you can’t just have him easily appear out of nowhere, in a *puff* of smoke and smiley white teeth, with his hand on his heart, as he gets down on one knee and offers you a diamond, with ‘forever’ stamped upon it.
You have to fricking KNIT HIM! 🙂
He starts off as a bit of appropriately coloured wool, that’s carefully wrapped around a length of cardboard…and you have to take that wool and turn it into an actua,l perfectly, knitted boyfriend. That’s harder than an actual relationship AND he can’t even buy you WINE, during the tough times. Plus, I enjoy the side label that states what the box includes. The first being ‘Instruction booklet.’ Anything that comes WITH INSTRUCTIONS, in my mind is COMPLICATED! I am aware that real human men don’t come with an instruction booklet. However, the fact that this man DOES, warns you that it’s going to be hard work! Like WE as womankind, NEED the male species to be any harder…on any level of the term. 😉
I’m not gonna sit there and KNIT my own man. Who has the time to do that?? It’s not like knitting a cardy, which I could maybe see as being therapeutic, because afterward it serves a purpose and you can sort of strut around with a sense of achievement and pride, as you wear it and tell everyone you made it from scratch. This is a whole other ball game because you’re knitting something for no real purpose. It’s not even fun. Like, honestly, what are you gonna do with him, once you’ve knitted him. You can’t take him out of dates without looking like a twat. You can’t have merry conversation with him, without looking like a moron. You can’t get him to buy you drinks, because he’s knitted and not real and well they don’t have a black version, so now I think they’re racist. 🙂 YET, they do have a Ninja version. No joke. Look:
So, I guess that’s my race…sorted. 🙂
I certainly enjoy the accuracy of the ninja! It looks like a S & M Teletubby.
Who knits these!?! I want to know who!?! And simply so I can congratulate you on your patience. If you have knitted one, please do mail it to Wunna land…as you deserve medals for not going completely batty, mid-knit. However, if you have gone wacko..well you deserved it for being an idiot. 🙂
In my mind, I could’ve had an entire real life relationship, in the time that it would take me to knit my ‘perfect boyfriend.’ He’s not even sexy and look at the box, he also qualifies for 8 year olds! Why do 8 year olds want to knit their perfect boyfriend?
So, there’s me thinking that I should go all ‘corporate’ and get stable, to finally make millions..
Bought shirts and everything!
And some team have sat down, brainstormed and come up with ‘Knit your own boyfriend.’ #millions #made #done
If this was my own talk show and you were a live audience (i wish)…I’d totally do an ‘Oprah’ now, after slagging the product off and say ‘AND YOU ALL GET TO TO TAKE ONE HOME WITH YOU,’ to super loud American applause and I only say American because they go ‘whappy’ when it comes to Oprah and freebies. Ugh…now I want my own talk show. Kris Jenner has one and it’s ace. I watched it on Youtube because we don’t get it out here in England. I only deserve my own cable version. Maybe one day. *Dreams away*
Anyway, I am shortly launching my own dating site. We (as in I can’t do anything onliney without the aid of @Wazza because and in his own words…i’m a ‘cyber spaz’) haven’t quite managed to fully figure it out yet? We thought it’s be something that would take 10 minutes, with a *boom-bam-up.* Nope. It’s quite a lot more difficult to set up than you’d thinky. But it’ll get there an dbefore you know it. There it will be. My very own Dating Site, for singles to find that ever so special true love, be you gay, straight or naughty. 🙂
Now, that i’ve found the knit your own perfect boyfriend kit, I’m confident that I’ll have dating site sign ups. If a marketing team, researched lonely heart and figured, ‘ah novelty concept-women want the perfect man…lets…’ then I can do this. Plus, my idea is far less tedious. You just scroll through singles and talk to the ones you fancy, after being told who you match up with.
Have a great Monday!
Ps/ And to those of you beautiful ladies sending me inboxes of ‘happy,’ asking me how my love life is. I’ll firstly say ‘Thank you’ and secondly say, aside from the odd random evil message from people who ‘think they know’…it’s actually really great! 🙂
My fave message from yesterday, via Twitter: