Kitchen Tanning & Drunkards



Sneezed and wee’d myself today, in the middle of Doncaster, whilst attempting to shop and I don’t mean a little trickle, I mean a ‘half -wee.’ Now….I’m pissed off, as this pregnancy malarky is turning me into a scrubber. I’m meant to be glamour puss extra-ordinaire. I didn’t do this the first time around. I’m literally doing wee’s down my leg every time I move too fast, cough, or sneeze…AND my bling. This can’t be happening to me. I have 4 weeks and 3 days until I’m due to have a little son in my arms. I know that you’re meant to take on your future child’s personality during the last few weeks of pregnancy…so my boy is basically busy all the time, likes weeing himself, wished he could have wine, wants to tan all the time and most of all wants to purchase things! I’ve literally had a buying addiction that comes out of nowhere, which is odd for me, as i’m actually a scrooge, or a bargain hunter. I’ve spent, spent, spent today and all on Ruby. She now has a million more dresses and pairs of shoes that she didn’t really need and almost a slide, a sandpit and more shoes. Luckily, my rubbish arms couldn’t carry it all to the car, or i’d look like a car boot sale…but one that sold new stuff? (Makes no sense.)

I will tell you that drunks in green curly wigs waved at me today..whilst shouting ‘CHRISSIE!’ I love that drunkards adore me and simply because they seem fun. The good decent people of the world, think i’m an idiot dipped in nuisance, but the green wigged, rummed up drunks are ‘Wunna’ all the way! 🙂 I’m just that girl you want to wave at when you’re pissed. In fact, i’m the girl everyone tried to call when they’re pissed up. I don’t know why? But I surely get a whole lot of texts off ‘party friends’ who apparently ‘miss me’ and ‘love me’ at 1.20am, after vodka….or crap voicemails where you can’t hear what they’re saying, but you can hear Lady Gaga  having a ‘Bad Romance’ in the background. I hate those calls by the way, so don’t do them. 😉 I put my phone on silent now on a night and simply so it doesn’t wake Rubes up. Keiran used to do it to me all the time…before he became decent. I almost nearly deleted my OWN HUSBANDS number one evening simply because his drunken, every two minute’ phone calls all through the night did my head in. His reason…’Because I loved you and i missed you.’ Can’t people just miss and love me during normal social hours. I’m much nicer then.

What else? I feel glam. I don’t feel rough. I think i’m a sexy preggo. Even though i’m weeing myself and waddling I still feel hot and I like that, because I may have lost my waistline, but I’ve certainly kept my ego…my favourite part of me. I sort of had one of those moments today where you feel all teenage rebellious and end up getting a spontaneous tattoo or piercing, or even hairdo. Luckily, i’m too old to give in to such a rush that I just got hot pink nails instead. I’m not as dangerous these days. I’m more ‘dolly’ and simply because the older you get the more you fear felling like shit, when you’ve realized what you’ve done. Saying that..I adore my last minute tattoos. They rock. I think i’ll go all out and get my toes down tomorrow. 🙂 #sucharebel

Saw a young 20-something year old boy today, all blond and handsome…but really really young looking. He looked like he was 21. I mean…what job must he have to be driving a red convertible Porsche boxster. I was intrigued by him and wanted to know more? We were in a traffic jam though, so I didn’t bother. Plus, he was texting. I’m always intrigued by others, but only when they look really rich or really poor. Everyone in between…I weirdly think are okay. I don’t know why that is? But yeah…

I’ve just tanned in the kitchen, in front of the window, fully naked,with the light on. I got sternly told off by Keiran, who immediately pulled the blinds down. But its’ not like there was anyone there watching. It’s night time for crying out loud. I looked at him with my weave tied up and my leg up on the kitchen counter…lol…(I’m a preggo, but I still got it 😉 ) and said, ‘it’s not like i’m doing it purposely to turn people on. I’m just tanning.’ Apparently that’s not the point. Lol. I mean, i’d feel sorry for anyone looking in. It’d be the worst porn you ever saw. I’m like Humpty Dumpty…but Asian…with a mitten on. Not that sexy..even when naked by a fridge. *Cue Porn Music.*

Anyway, it’s late and i’m too tired to write this now. Rubes is in bed. I’m on the sofa smeared in ‘waiting to dry’ tan. Keiran’s laid next to me, thinking about golf and bike rides…and well other than being the clumsiest person ever today…(I don’t like clumsy girls, i think it’s unattractive and weird. Hence why I was so frustrated at myself everytime I dropped something, or tripped over my own goddamn foot.)  But yeah..on the whole…I’m happy.

Tomorrow i have Meadowhall, as Ruby as requested such a trip. It will all end in tears…but ah well, at least i’ve tanned for the occasion. 🙂


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