Keeping it brief..with holes in ;)

So much is happening right now, that i wouldn’t even know where to begin. (*Nibbles smoked salmon sandwich-Adjusts bra with a wiggle.*) Therefore instead of boring you with the ‘Kitty-cat-La-dee-daa’ of my life, which i might add is MY favourite part. I mean any moment in life where you find yourself in the middle of a ‘la-dee-daa,’ moment of cheeriness, you know you’re at peace with the world and well doing  life the way you always wanted. It’s the ‘sit back, relax and *nod*’ at your achievements part…stress-free (even though I was madly stressed this morning, when Stood up, Leopard Print Train Woman kept smashing her market bag into my ‘sat down‘ face. Note to train people…i’m noticeable…don’t smash handbags into my face accidentally. If you tend to such behaviour purposely that’s fine. I’ll label is as ‘at least you had passion.)

Okay, i’ve just had a lady tell me that she’s wearing lucky knickers, but they seem to have holes in them. Surely that means they can’t be that lucky?? I’m a previous Floozy. I have knickers with fucking holes in…i call them ‘CROTCHLESS’…not lucky. *Wiggle-wink* (Oh go on then..i’ll let you clap.)

I’ve had a depressing trip to the toilet…yet at least i didn’t fall down the stairs on this occasion. Wazza (my cyberland MANAGER..the person that RUNS WUNNA LAND in WEBSITE FORM..) has sent me pictures of poo crying today. That’s how professional we are. That’s who i have looking after my life. I can’t tell you why my toilet moment was sad…but it trust me on this and guzzle gin. (Blame it on my insides…and no poo wasn’t ‘tricky.’)

Other than that, my loins are burning, I want Lisa Vanderpumps house, I can’t wait for ‘Snuggle night’ with Keiran this evening, I’m adoring baby Ruby, i’m working hard, my BOOK SHIZZLE is now getting really exciting…(i’m having book tours, press releases, photos, words and allsorts being shoved and jiggled together for it’s big launch,) I still have my Xmas tree up..i’m still having great sex, i’m wishing upon stars, excited about my amazing upcomings, the career is going well, life is dandy, my love life has never been more ‘fairytale’ and after being forced to watch ‘Skeleton Porn’ and promising to sell my body to Arabs for a closet…i had a peek in my knickers and took a deep breath.I’ve also managed to completely be unable to read Post-IT notes appropriately and decided that i’m a WINNER at LIFE!

Can’t wait to see my ‘handsome’ this evening. Hate that i’m having a current battle with my vaginal wall and well i’ll leave you with a quote…because i like it and well i’m busy emailing off my ‘dedications’ for my book (that you all must buy, so i can buy more bronzer and midget slaves?) Office banater has perked up & simply due to the fact that ‘Quiff Chris’ decided to bring up Babestation. I flew straight in with a ‘Keiran has a wank to babestation. We do TV threesomes with it. Sex with Babestation in the background, on the carpet.’ Our dear friend ‘Samantha’…not the best when it comes to her boyfriend looking at naked..or other girls…was *SHOCKED* AND disgusted! 🙂 Apparently she prefers something a bit more ‘Gardners World’ on in the background during her thrusts and i don’t blame her really…the more i love Keiran, the less i like ‘other women.’ 🙂 . ‘Quiff Chris’ has just stated that it may take him and his dear business partner ‘Ginger Whore’ 3 days to finish a thorough ‘Gardners World’ wank to frigid ‘Samantha.’ #justgotgood. Now they’re eating apples.

‘Pursue the things you love doing, and do them so well that people can’t take their eyes off you.” – Maya Angelou


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