It’s fifty-fifty innit

Last night was hilarious. I was deliciously homonal and the funny kind, where you cry at how happy the girl looks on a tampax commercial, as she frolocks upon the dusky beach, or you cry at kittens doing tricks for their ‘Whiskas.’ I’m a kitten, who can pull many a ‘trick,’ yet it never neds in a biscuit like treat and more ends with me drunk dialing an ex, mid-weep, with a ‘ but what went wrong?’ I once did that in LA, with this bartender, I was madly in love with. Delicious he was. Even though my friends kept telling me he had a ‘lazy eye.’ I was at The Abbey, where he bartended. (It’s mainly all straight guys who bartend at The Abbey and I pretty much know them all…personally. ;)) Anyway, it was everso romantic, and we were very much flirting with one another and pretty much hanging out almost ever day. (Now, i remember, ‘hanging out’ was ME having to buy him lunches and dinner. Another ‘Jonny’ type. *Yawn.*) Infact, right from the start it was terribly magical, and well i  was under the misconception that we had been dating for the last 7 months. However, it seems I had got it completely wrong and he was actually with a whole other girl at the same time…who he had been with ‘on & off’ for some time!

He straight up played me. I was popular, rich, knew everyone he needed to know and ‘ooh laa.’ He wanted to date me, but thought he could never keep me, therefore I was a girl he was mildy terrified of loving. (He had deep rooted emotional upbringing.) I remember one time, outside my appartment, he told me i was the girl he wanted in his life forever…and a week later,  I found out online, that he had a girlfriend the whole entire time. I mean, he would literally ask me for money. I’d give him like $100, out of the goodness of my heart and simply because i was foolishly in love with him. Then he’d go out and spend it all, buying his girlfriend drinks. Haha. I shouldn’t laugh, because it’s absolutely awful. I’m just laughing at how stupid i used to be. The good thing about this story is…i grew in life and made all of my dreams come true. I embraced a career, more men, a decent income and this delicious reputtation of ‘Party Queen.’

I remember i looked back at him one day, years after…(we still to this day have not made up, simply because we can’t find it in us to. Yet if, i saw him in LA, we’d be completely fine. Well i just can’t bare the fact that he used me. I mean that’s a big thing that i immediately dislike about guys, because a lot of them have, do and will. Now, when they have, do, or intend to,  i can never seem to forgive them, or open my heart up to them. Hence why i no longer speak to Jonny.)

But yeah, years later, i looked back at my LA bartending boy, who i didn’t have sex with in 8 months simply because he lied and told me he was super religious. He couldn’t apparently have sex before marriage…even though i bought him 8 Bloody Mary’s at the pool by The Standard, and after driving me home, he boned me on my roomates bed? (I’m an idiot!!) He had made it up, because he didn’t want to cheat on his girlfriend. Infact, i look at him now, and I see how far i moved forward in life. I mean he’s *inched* forward a tiny little bit in life, yet probably has a great deal of karma to serve up yet, before he gets his ‘dream come true’…which is to be an actor. It actually makes me 50% sad, knowing that he never did as well as he wanted and that I could still rock up to a bar and order my traditional giant sized Malibu Pineapple, from him. I mean years later, he’s still in the exact same situation. Whereas, i got so lucky in my life…I don’t know why? I don’t know how? But I did…I’ve achieved so much since the last time we crossed paths. He’s a great guy, don’t get me wrong. There are times when i sit back now, and crack up laughing at the things we got up too! We had so much fun!  I don’t hold any resentment towards him. (Like i do with Jonny.) I hold ‘Ryan’ (that was his name) with a much higher regard, because he’s actually quite lovely. (Oh and i said ‘50%’ earlier, because if i’m being deadly honest, the other half of me, is kinda jumping up and down merrily, with a big ‘in your face!’) 🙂

I love how my blog works…that story isn’t the story that  i wanted to tell you this morning. AT ALL!!  It just kinda happened….Ugh! I hate my wandering mind. I need to learn focus. (I’m telling ya, it’s because i’m sober. It’s sending me doo-lally!)

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