It all began with a back bend

Once upon a Monday, a little Glamour Puss and her Lover Loverboy, arrived at Leeds train station, with a bag in each hand and the rain pouring down upon them. They were in search of an adventure, a moment that they could share with only each other, in their bubble of pure love and happiness, away from prying eyes, madness and the watchful restraints that were keeping them from being their complete selves. The little Glamour Puss, pretty, duffle coated, yet boobied and with a wink, looks up to her ‘handsome’ of ‘Lover lover,’…smiles and with that move alone, he utters the words ‘shall we get a hotel,’ and the rest my darlings is what i like to call…. history.

Okay, Monday was great! One of the best times i’ve had with ‘Loverboy.’ I mean we missed our big Bank Holiday night out, due to work commitments and exhaustion, therefore as a treat, we decided to spend our whole Monday together, in love, drinking, and letting our story make it’s perfectly delicious and rather fairytaled mark of ‘ooh.’

We checked into the Park Plaza Hotel in Leeds, Room 607. I unduffled, kicked off my heels, floated around in a lilac, boobied dress, and he flicked on the telly, stared at our window view (‘omg Pete this window is ace…when we’re drunk we can stand on it and flash the city,’) and whilst chillaxing back on the bed, he made our drink arrangements, told me i was beautiful and then watched Britains Got i played him my DJ Talent voicemail. Kissed, cudded, did our usual cutesy wootsie stuff of deliciousness. We sang our version of ‘Closer’ and then i commited to doing an impression of the chopping wood dude on our telly..and mainly because i am under the misconception that i’m humourous. Pete thinks i’m funny, but mainly because people wouldn’t think i’d have a personality of this sort. Yes, i’m winky and pouty and hair tossy and total ‘heeelllo ego’ much. However at the same time, i playfully wouldn’t think twice about throwing on a giant sumo wrestler outfit, feeling up a grandad, then spanking a midget and blaming it all of you, for fun…with a cocktail umbrella in my hair and a Malibu bottle on my right. Naughty, kinda nice, but with a delicious dollop of sexual. That’s how i’m choosing to roll…bitches. 🙂 He laid on his stomach on our comfy hotel, 607 bed, looked me in the eye and said ‘ You’re ace you.

Anyway, we get wine. (Ofcourse we do.) Two bottles..(i could’ve done more) after a city ‘before evening’ walk. (I’m making it sound romantic…but really we were HUNTING the streets trying to find an ‘open’ place that would sell us fucking booze!!! ) We got it. I get everything i want. Then back to the Plaza we travelled, happy, excited and filled to the brim with lurve. The automatic doors refused to automatically open for me. I *winked.* (Banged on them.) They worked. (Guy from the hotel buzzed me in, through another door.)

We had a beautiful bathroom sink and we filled it with cold water to rest our wine bottles in..then as we laid on the bed to the background of telly noise..we commited to the art of fun…the foolish sort! I don’t know what happened, but one minute i was all calm and merry, eating a packet of odd flavoured crisps. The next minute (and we’re well into the night by now) i’m deciding that i can be a gymnast too, (after watching those bendy, leaping people on BGT) and with a kink of determination i tended to the doing of back bends. Oh my word.

Right, i’m in a pretty dress, with my nipples peeking out ( i can’t control my nipples, they control ME.) I’m infront of the telly, half in the mirror, drunk, and dangerously bending backwards, with a very loud, yet chipper, ‘Look i can do this. I know i can do a back bend. Nooo..wait, i can do this. Noo…I don’t need ya help! Watch.’ I fell on my head approximately 4 times, collapsed i’ll say 18…and in the end..believe it or not…I FUCKING did a properly good back the point where Loverboy was so impressed by how quickly i managed to figure out how to do one, that he decides to leap up (with his boner) and join in the merriment.

God knows what people must have thought we were doing? I was doing back bends and kicking him in the face. He was doing forward flicks, hand stands, dancing, and trying to out *freak* me by proving that he had more double jointed arms than me. ‘Look at me Pete, i’m backwards!!’ I watched Phillip

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