Insecurity, Vlogs & My Love Life


Just so you know, Ben finally took his ‘hide his hair’ hood off his head last night, after I kitten eased up to him (second try) with a ‘are you my friend again?’ AND a pair of dough eyes. Forgiveness occurred, followed by boyish smiling, followed by love, a cuddle and a ‘yes.’

Y’see, that’s why I love our relationship because just like that we can get back to ‘one.’ There’s moments where we *burn* each other (however, it is utterly mild in comparison to what *burn* in some of the other relationships that I’ve had, have been like.) and I adore him for his ability to love (I’m loving too, just so you know …I’m more calm and soft than I am vixen, but i don’t let things on my mind, *play* on my mind…i’m a *voicer.*) I’m actually really honest about how I feel about things. to him…and even though at times it’s shit, he appreciates it because I never bullshit him.

We’re back to almost normal, and I say ‘almost’ because after a ‘bicker’ is takes a moment to get fully back to normal. But all is well again now.

He’ll be happy after this Saturday because it’s Dodge’s birthday dinner and he’s really looking forward to it. I’m now not able to go, because that evening is the only proper evening that i’m going to get to spend with the babies, with no daddies, no work and no distractions, so I want to be with them and on an evening when i have that opportunity, i’d never call in a ‘grandma’ call, to so a ‘can you please..?’ All I want is constant one on one time with them, and with me working so much, I have to completely appreciate every moment that I get with them.

I’m still looking forward to posting my Vlog. Ben actually went through a phase tonight where he felt like he didn’t want to continue his Vlog, after only 2 video’s because he felt scrutinized by a comment that someone had put.

I watched him dwell in a moment of insecurity and i stopped it. Regardless, his Vlog is HIS VLOG and what he wishes to put on his Vlog, is up to him. I told him realistic views on what would happen , once the Vlog was up…(the good parts and the bad)  and I explained things to him, in order to mentally prep him and encourage him to continue forward with it and do well at it.

Within moments he was back on track, excited again and energized. So that’s all he needed. Support. That’s all anyone needs really. He’ snow getting ready to film two more video’s tomorrow, as happy as can be….and that makes me happy, knowing that he’s found his confidence again.

I’m looking forward to doing my Vlogs. I’m going to try not to piss take, but it’s just too hard, isn’t it. 🙂


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