Soooo, y’know that I had that date scheduled in for the weekend That date that I was sooo super excited for, because it was a date with a guy that seemed pretty great, y’know it seemed as though we’d get along marvellously, he was attractive, attentive and it seemed as though this was my first step into getting back to dating, after a loooooong time of being a Billy no dates.
WELL…Mr. Saturday night’ few drinks around Leeds, if you fancy’ now doesn’t want to go on the date at all! And not because he doesn’t find me attractive (he’d be blind otherwise 😉 ) and not because i’m a tool…( as remember up until yesterday evening we were getting on via message quite fine) but because during the time that he got home from working his weekend…to that exact he evening…or whatever…i don’t even know what’s true anymore lol. I’d been feeling not as connected when he first rescheduled. But yes, his friend apparently asked him what he would be doing after football and he told him that he was going to be going on a date…with me.
Now, in any normal situation…he’d just explain that he had a date and his mate would just ask him with you and then wish him luck etc…etc… Right? But in this situation and in every situation i seem to fall into…the ‘i’m going on a date with this chick, Chrissie Wunna’ caused and causes Googling…more Googling…fricking blog reading, judging….more blog reading…more Googling…I mean God knows what happened, they probably built and burnt a ‘Wunna shrine’ in that time and did a conga line to ‘Diamonds are a Girls best Friend.’ I was at home, with the babies, having a wine, excited about my date…chilling. Doing my normal life…oblivious to anything other than my world. my actual real world. (Yes…there is one. I don’t sit in a bubble and fan myself on a pink throne, whilst watching episodes of ‘Paris Hilton’s British Best Friend.’ Lol)
So, anyway, the story I got was that, that evening his mate sent him a link to my blog and told him that he better read it. He then made fun of him…so it was sort of..well i’ll put it in his own words…’amusement at his expense.’ Hmm? But surely did i just not call him hot? Lol
So, the date has got reading and Googling and someone’s girlfriend started Googling and reading..and Lord knows what else…and before you know it, after a bit of Googling and reading and having his mate make fun of him…he didn’t want to go on the date anymore because we are clearly looking for diiferent things, because i’m obviously here to ‘play the field.’
So, he sent me a message about how he felt, how i apparently felt about him, Keiran even…and in fact he even told me whar I intended…and this is from blog reading. Meaning the whole entire time that he had been talking to just me…didn’t matter…it didn’t matter at all, because Just me….Just Chrissie…working a day job, being a Mum, running a eyelash line…didn’t matter. What I had said to him personally and the communication that we had built over the weeks/days whatever…did not matter because what was on my blog and on a Google search did.
How stupid is that! So i feel really judged, because he knew i had a blog. He’d already Googled me and actually really liked me. And all it took was his mate making fun of him and then a whole bunch of jumping to conclusions, a whole bunch of wrong conclusions about my character and a whole uch of judgements…which is foolish, because we all know i’m awesome…and the thing that annoyed me the most was that he went with the nonsense, instead of actually asking ME, the chick herself…which not that many people have access tooooo and just like that his inner insecurity or mind got a tottering…it then got the better of him and he was gone with the wind.
He tried to do it nicely…because men kinda always try to attempt to leave the door a jar open, just in case. They try to be polite…but when i told him that he was silly for not just asking me..like there was a huge communication issue here…he got all defensive and did the ‘blah, blah…Good luck’ thing. I hate it when people finish paragraphs with Good luck. It winds me up. Hahaha.
So i was telling my guy friend and chick friend about it and my chick friend simply said that he’d be kicking himself later and my guy friend just said that I was intimidating…that it was his loss because if he could be bothered to of met me he would’ve found me to be awesome. I do feel bad because don’t think that he didn’t like me…and i get why he might of felt upset after reading a blog or two after talking to me personally away from it all. I get all that and it never feels lovely. Yet it’s the talking to me personally that should’ve mattered and not a Google search..and that is where my problem lies. (He also got cocky towards the end of his messages to me, which i found sort of unattractive.)
What I think away from my friends point of view…not that it matters LOL…I think if a gentleman struggles to handle a blog, a bit of media, or someone having the fun poke out of them by a friend…no matter how caring or attractive they are…BEFORE i’ve even EVER MET THEM. I haven’t even met him yet and he’s already run off! HAHAHA. I’m that good at dating. I mean, oh my god, i hate it when people tell me what i think, or jump to conclusions or judge me from a Google search instead of from me as a person…then he is certainly not the man for me…as i am certainly not the chick for him. I’m glad i didn’t meet him that way it doesn’t feel real does it. Meeting someone in person is really different to reading stuff form them, right? Hahaha.
I’m learning a lot fast about his dating malarky….But i’m still smiling, i’m still positive and i’m loving life with all that I am. All these foolish men keep making Keiran look better (even when i don’t want him to look better.) I mean, he would’ve never rescheduled a date, or not been there for me when we first got together…
Maybe i’m not even meant to date, as it’s super hard for me to find a good match. They’ll either have to know me already, or be media savvy…like in entertainment or marketing or something. Haha. OR JUST HAVE A GREAT SENSE OF HUMOUR. OR even better..just be strong…like a hero of a guy…someone who can take anything….with love. Or even from LA!! They seem to be way more confident out there and just get the business of entertainment.
This isn’t going to be easy for me, is it? HAHAHA.
Now, i don’t need you to all fret for me…i’m happy and grateful for all that I do have. I’m not an idiot like that. I’m neither a grudge holder or bitter. I know that i’m wonderful 🙂 and that I’m surrounded by love and truly great people.
It was kinda lovely tonight because i made Cosmos, just for me at home and simply to ‘keep it real.’ Total bouji cocktails for one. Then as Ruby went to bed and I sat on my living room bean bag, whilst ‘Hairspray’ was on my telly box, I cuddled up to the real man of my dreams…my hero..the actual male love of my life…I kissed him on the nose and he kissed me right back on the forehead, then we laid next to each other and he quietly uttered, ‘Mama’ asked for a bottle and then slowly went to beddy byes, as I sang my baby dumpling of a bambino, really rubbish lullabies.
It’s great that no matter what happens in life and i do mean the ‘in generals’ that don’t really matter on the big scale…it’s great when you have children, the people who you love more than anything in the world, who love you right back, with everything in their soul. our life. The humans you nurture and and because you had a Mama and Papa, who adored you more than anything in the world. You kinda never ever feel half full and always feel utterly swirled in a deep rooted, unconditional love.
He’s the Man that matters and my baby girl, my Diva, is the chick that will take my throne…Lol…if she can be bothered. I mean, she might really betray the odds and be a Doctor like Grandma says.