Had a girl try to have sex with me last night. That’s why i’m up so early, (7.29am) simply because a fine sense of ‘awkwardness,’ (a medium i usually flourish in) got the better of me. I guess, it’s one jolly thing, if it’s just some random hot girl that you don’t really know, who decides she wants a bit of lesbian sex. But when it’s a girl..i’ll call her ‘Fanny snacker’ that you’ve known for quite a dear dear while, who you didn’t actually know was a lesbian because you’re somewhat aquainted with her boyfriend, who you’ve recently found out was never her boyfriend..the story changes. (Don’t feel bad for making out with him now.)
Last night, ‘Fanny snacker’ (sounds like a cute childrens book for perverts) had nowhere to stay after getting trashed so drunk dialed me to see if i had ‘room at the Inn?’ I should’ve just said ‘No.’ But kindness got the better of me, (Please kindness is over rated) and before you know it, she’s half naked laying in my bed…even though i tried to make her sleep in the ‘spare.’ (Tyre not room.)
It’s quiet, it’s normal, she asks me about ‘Jonny’ then rolls over so she can talk ‘too close’ to my face. All i could smell was booze, which i quite liked (my ex-husband would always say he loved it when i smelt of ‘Liquor.’ It would turn him on. Weird really as not much else would? Bad joke.) Anyway, then she’s doing the girly, ‘I’ve always really loved you’ bullshit, starts to stroke my face, then attempts to go in for the kill. (Hahaha..) The infamous ‘Lean in..’ (We’ve all done it.’)
There was an odd yet hilarious moment of struggle and squealing. FUCKING hilarious might i add. At one point i felt like she was holding the back of my head, and KING KONG pushing it towards her, with her tongue slithering out, whilst i’m pushing as hard as i can AWAY from her now sloppy face and pissing myself laughing.