I’m all Snotty

So this being sick thing is really starting to get on my tits! I feel like i’ve been slapped across the face repeatedly by cold hard, baked in salt kippers, and that i’m allergic to the air around me. It is INSANE!! I think i’ve just worked my dear slag of a body so hard (code for ‘partied up a storm,’/slept with boys and kept it running on empty,) that it’s simply conked out on me in sheer exhaustion. I’m not a fan of my body giving me the middle finger unannounced, as surely it was made to obey my commands. However, just recently i’ve discovered it really is the other way around!! BASTARDS!! If you don’t look after your pretty engine of a corpse, it really will just stop, take a fag break and tell you to kindly fuck off. It’s like my body has lived life with me, learnt lessons from me and is now using my flawless tactics against me!! I feel allergic to the air around me goddamit!! This is not good. I’ve been sick for a week now. A WEEK!!! I have a fever so bad, it’s making me want to parade around in a leafy bikini, sipping umbrella drinks to the Lambada. My nose is soo runny. I look like Miss. Hawaiian Tropic two thousand of NEVER. Please kill me….or just give me a fucking tissue.

My Grandmother claims that if you are ‘pure of heart’ than illness cannot be held inside your body. Well that’s just great innit!! Way to make me feel better gramps! I’m not EVIL, you crazy old Bat…i just have a bit of the old rundowns!! How have i gone from being a bit of a snuffly nose to being the Devils dirty dick? Speaking of the Devil…I’ve just recieved a not so dandy email from a guy that use to represent me. His lack in judgement has kinda just spurred me on to carry on doing quite wonderfully and erm…(God i’m gonna pass out) my friends have made the executive decision to get female japanese pen pals due to a distinct lack of love in their life.

This was found for me today online:

‘When Chrissie sees Calum Best is the offering… she looks disappointed and declares she’d rather have had a naked boy on a bed. Wouldn’t we all Chrissie. Wouldn’t we all. Chrissie basically gives Calum the brush off. This is why she’s hot! This is why she’s hot!

Love that song, use to walk around streets of LA and shout it at bus stops. So I thankyou for this. You’ve made one sick of a girl, feel like she still got it! I really don’t ‘got it’ right now, i’m a sorry excuse for a slut. I’m letting the side down. The last time i had sex, i gave a very poor perfomance due to nerves. Nerves??? I’m not scared of anything!! (Apart from horny hip/hop midgets, that i’m only polite too because they’re small.) Don’t know what happened?? I haven’t had sex since. This is not good for my whore of a reputation. Luckily boys just go around telling their friends i was really good. Y’know with me being such a grand ‘notch,’ to sausage and all that jazz. Or they simply don’t say anything at all, to keep ‘our connection’ as their secret little vice.  I’m a fantasy and a real life person in one. It’s like being ur own imaginary friend. The only thing i could do with a penis right now is probably wipe my nose on it. (Ooh the visual!) Being sick is sooooooooooooooo fucking boring!

7 thoughts on “I’m all Snotty”

  1. im here dont worry chrissie easy on the onions babe. i hope u get better soon and that u had a mustard weekend even though u are a bit tom

    Reply

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