Most hilarious day so far!! Woke up, and due to yesterdays sheer laziness, had no toothpaste this morning, so had to find, and use, a barbie sized, teeny, tiny, tube of toothpaste,that i got from a plane journey and then share it amongst 4 other people!! It was SO ‘Jewish Holocaust,’ and Not very glamour puss!! I can’t be glamourous without toothpaste!
Then, i tried to write this blog ( this is currently my third joyous attempt,) yet a pop up of the worst techno song, known to mankind, decided to POP up repeatedly, and ruin my life. So i had to move away from the computer, before i completely lost my mind!!! You can NOT FORCE people to buy your song via POP-UPS!!! Plus, only druggies like TECHNO!!Anyway, i figured, i would do my face, as it always makes me feel so much better, as i turn from ‘Chimpanzee,’ to ‘Beauty Queen.’ ha! And i DO actually feel like i can conquer the world now, and show my boobies to the masses quite greatly. The miracles of makeup!! When i don’t have my face on, all i seem to want to do, is eat 10 bags of chips, and watch Jerry Springer
Therefore during my ‘feel good’ phase, i decide to go to the local grocery store, to buy wine, and other grocery delights. I managed to somehow, trap my head in the door, not once but TWICE!! Firstly,when i was getting out of the car, ( and i actually told myself, to ‘FUCK OFF,’ extremely loudly, in the parking lot, making mothers of young children, who attend the same posh school that i did when i was little, pull their children away from me…hahaha.) The the second time, was on my way back to the car, whilst trying to be super aware of my first traumatic head trapping experience.!! Hahah!! It was HILARIOUS!! All i could do was laugh!! Then maybe cry a little!!
Okay than, to de-stress, i figure, i need a cigarette. This is why you SHOULD NOT smoke, if you reside in a country that is currently EXTREMELY WINDY!! It was hard enough for me to puff, without getting a mouthful of fake hair. I blow, i flick, then a stream of ash comes hurtling right back towards me, flies into my eye, and burns my eyeball. It’s GREATNESS!! Then since i knew i couldn’t take on the elements, i managed to get blown from one end of the garden to the other, repeatedly..whilst laughing my arse off, until i was completely frozen, almost to death, and it wasn’t really that funny anymore..so i went inside!!
I guess all of this should really piss me off, yet i’m trying so hard not to be negative anymore. I mean, i’m so lucky!! My life is GREAT! This time last year, i had just got back from New York, and having to sleep on random couches in LA every night, getting ready to meet the man of my dreams. I have ridden elephants around parks in Burma. Partied like a rockstar in LA, AND smacked Matt Dillon on the arse with a glittery hand bag, whilst he was making out with a random chick. I have been offered lesbians in bathtubs in Thailand, and drank proper beers in proper ye olde pubs in britain. Dined with royalty, dined with not so royal, yet still cool, homeless men with one leg. It’s been GREAT!!
So i guess, what i’m saying is….just incase you’re suffereing from a serious case of ‘Da Blues,’ try and remember ALL the good things that you’ve done, or the hilarious moments that seem to have occured, whether you liked them or not!! However, if you didn’t look good whilst doing them, then they don’t count AT ALL, and you should still be miserable!!! Don’t fool yourself my Darling! hahahaha!!
I love you