‘Why would you find it weird that I might want to go to Disney land Paris? I’ve been to the Florida one millions of times…‘ said the beautiful little glamour puss to her delicious Gay Adam.
‘Well..it was just the thought of you in the Happiest Place of Earth. I just can’t imagine it!’ 🙂
My England gays always have this image of me that projects a ‘Diva-rish’ strut of sequins, vixen and scowl. I do DO, Disney. I’ve done it ALL MY LIFE. At one point, I knew the entire Orlando Disney World, as well as I knew Meadowhall and I know that place blindfolded…backwards… and with jumbo cherries on top.
It was only a passing thought, but for a moment I paused and figured Disney Land Paris, could be a Christmas vacation option…with me now being a Mummy. So, I immediately Tweeted my gayest Gay Adam for some big old advice and simply because he ventures there at least 40 times a year! How he doesn’t have Mickey Mouse ears sprouting from his genitals, I don’t know!?! I’m not kidding. He pretty much lives there, when he’s not living in Barclays bank. He’s told me so many stories about that place (Disney Land Paris, not Barclays, as I’d hate to get him fired) that I have now officially been creeped out. Yet, when I brought up Prince ‘bondage’ Charming (read ye olde blogs to remember him,) he simply assured me that all would certainly be well and that I should probably take a sword. 🙂
Firstly, how is everything ‘certainly well’ if I have to take a SWORD! Secondly, I must be THE ONLY person, in the entire world who has to TAKE A SWORD, to the french version, of the Happiest Place on Earth. However, I’m not confused. There’s going to be no ‘Je voudrais du ‘bondage’ fromage, I am Prince Charming & need you sexually’ near ME!! Well, not without me wafting some wibbly sword about in a panic, as I guard my children from his leather strapped, ‘Did I hell marry Cinderella’ ways. (I have no idea why my sword is ‘wibbly.’) Saying that, here I am calling HIM a weirdo, when this morning, during the nursery run, I looked like a proper, hardcore odd ball myself. I couldn’t find a single space to park my car, so I had to drive around the block, about 40 times, at snail pace, which circled a Primary school, like a creepy old man, with 100 bags of sweets and a couple puppies in the back. I even had SClub7 playing for Ruby. I’m taking a sword. Whatever. Disney Land, Paris is already inappropriately creeping me out.
It’s like those crappy seaside ‘Haunted Houses’ that make you run through some run down dark box of a building, where actual human beings, with odd masks on, who try to firstly scare you, then attempt to FEEL YOU UP, in the dark occur. I actually feared for utter MY LIFE, the last time I ran through one. I PAID to get felt up, in the dark, by men in budget ‘scary’ masks and against my will. I mean, who has that as a DAY JOB! (‘See ya love, I’m off to be a weirdo at a haunted house now & feel up strangers, after a Zombie walk. Kiss the ids for me.’)
I looked at the man who took my money after my seaside, ‘Haunted House’ experience… (I had to walk all the way around the outside of the building to get to him, because the ‘Exit’ is always a down some dismal alley like road, that seems so far away from where you ‘Entered,’) and informed him that the next time I was ever foolish enough to dilly dally in such a location…I would totally take knives. You walk in a virgin and come out of that place a slag. 🙂
But yes. I do ‘Happiest Places on Earth.’ It’s only my UK gays that think I don’t. My LA gays, think i’m super ‘bimbo’ happy. I’m like Asian Barbie to them. Still sequins, light and strut…but with a bubbly, infectious, giggle of maybe what they saw as ‘man eater.’ 🙂 I never ate men. I used to ‘hobby’ boys in my 20’s simply because i needed love. At the time I thought I was having the best emotional time ever, when really I was simply getting over my first divorce and doing it via the fine art of partying. It’s never a good combination…a break up…and then a party recovery. Michael(my first hubby) never did that. Hence why he’s rich and famous now. He never went out, he never partied, he just worked, worked, rested and worked, stating that one day he would be where he wanted to be and could then have all the fun he wanted. It worked.
‘Successful people have successful habits.’
(OMG, I totally have the worst flu ever and i’ve taken an antibiotic and two Beechams powder capsules. I now feel all high and weird. Never good when in public and staring at a computer screen. I need bed, cuddles and that Santa onesize that I saw at a local outlet store.)
But yes, beside the point. I do Disney. 🙂 Ask one of LA bestie’s Ronnie Woo, who is now ‘The Delicious Cook.’ www.deliciouscook.com
He’s now a celebrity chef that cooks for the people of LA, on the telly. He used to drive to my condo in the morning and simply shout of of his car window, ‘GET UP. LETS DO DISNEY TODAY.’ When we got there, I was in the same outfit as a 5 year old girl…like literally. We were both short frilly skirted and polka dot head banded, in the exact same pink and white. 🙂
So there, I don’t just rock up the cobbled Yorkshire streets, in the cold and with nipple tassels on… scowling. I do happy, Disney stuff also. Plus, I was only ever scowling because I was COLD. I’m exotic. I need heat. In the cold, I just stand in one solid spot and freeze, until i’ve turned into an impressive, yet moody ice sculpture, where I’m picked up as one whole, giant object and plonked on someone’s buffet table at a wedding. 😉 My imagination is far too vivid. It’s the pills. Don’t get the flu folks. It sucks and forces you to indulge in gibberish.
Anyway, last night I happy hugged under a budget chandelier and in life when that opportunity occurs, you know you’re going to be okay.