Delicious dumplings, it’s your Ultimate Glamour Puss here, smearing her
‘ooh’ across your world, for no real reason other than ‘life.’ I’m tragic, but bare with me, i’m trying my best to ‘sexy’ it up, whilst sober. I’m currently watching ‘ Sister Act,’ a movie that i can’t help but adore. As a kid, i’d copy all the dance moves & voices, then make people watch me perform them via FORCE. I was never scared as a child. Yet int it funny how, the older we get the more terrified we become of things. Life does that to us, but i’m here to demolish that wall, in both YOU & in myself..as we try and do this ‘living’ thing….in diamonds…with hotties…and with as little scarrage as possible.
Already today (now i’m back in Yorkshire) i’ve knelt on what i thought was a poo. I have 8 kittens, my ewoks, my darlings and they shit everywhere. In litter trays, leather pimp couches, on floors, on dinner plates. ( ‘Mmm..chocolate mousse.’) Anyway, it ended up not being a big poo, and instead was a piece of beef. I’m meant to be a FUCKING Glamour Puss here…How do i have BEEF on my floor. And WHY am i kneeling in it??? Hang on….why do i have POO on my floor? It’s truely delicious…..and awful.
Typically i was all cocky, and grateful that i knelt on beef and not a big poo. Therefore God (that bitch) decided to fuck with me 5 days before my birthday…like that isn’t bad enough…and well i then knelt on what i believed was beef…(why am i okay with kneeling on beef?) And yeah, it ended up being a poo. A smelly one. A smelly one, that was smeared on my knee like Nutella. Now i’m not being funny or anything, but i’m sure i deserve better than this coz i’m off the telly and have good set of jubblies? That’s like a ‘Get out of jail’ free card…without a herpes outbreak, sore arse, but with cameras.
Oh and i’m also OFF my Ryvitta diet and now trying to put the weight back on. I’m tired of being skinny…it bores me. I want my saucy curves back. My bada-boomage. My humps. My ‘hey hey sailor.’ When i’m thin, i’m grumpy. Like you never see a happy fashion model dooo ya!!!! Yet you’ll always see a chipper ‘ i LOVE my job’ Glamour model. Men love ‘body’ on a girl. I love ‘body’ on a girl. (My mother is currently hinting at what she wants for Christmas. I love her…but i hate it when people ‘hint.’ I believe it insults the tiny intelligence i have left. Either tell me, or don’t. No ‘hinty hinties.’ I love my mum. Awww…)
Anyway, yeah, i’ve got to go, as i’ve just had a chilli wiped across my eyeball as a prank, and now i can’t see…whilst laughing in sheer agony. I have rubbish working eyes anyhow…now i only have ONE rubbish working eye. How sexy of me…i’m a great role model. But yeah, i am really stopping my diet simply because i didn’t realize how many teenage girls and women and gays we’re copying me. It’s really baaad for you. I’m a tit. Don’t take my advice ever! I learn via trial and error. Diets when you already Rock a body of deliciousness are loser. Grab a Wonka ticket to excitement…eat that sack of spuds! I’d rather have an exotic curvy bumpage, than suffer a pastey, thin ‘haven’t eaten all day’ frown.