Here Kitty Kitty…

Last night was amazing. I was extremely tipsy. Not drunky crunky, just tipsy wipsy…the good kind where everything is funny and you’re mildy irritating. You know you’re drunk, when you’re making out with the bar ‘leftovers’ at ten to two (Note: i NEVER do that…i’m far too DIVINE) and well you know your FUCKING drunk, when you get a weird head rush, can no longer stand, and you find solace, in corners, not caring how tragically you’ve squatted, heaped up, and trying to fall asleep and make it all stop. (I’ve done this a lot…and woken up on a spinning merry go around in a West Hollywood playground.) I was tipsy. I’m great at this stage. I’m all excited about life and wanting to tell whoever will listen ( it was Wazza in this case…who was also ‘crunk’ and couldn’t seem to spell the word ‘Note,‘ even though we had a Private education.)

Long story short, i scrolled through Facebook pages of hotties and looked through a file on my laptop that i’ve named ‘Boys,’ and Wazza…well Wazza baked a Vegan chocolate cake. He’s a right Betty Crocker…a dab hand in the old kitchen he is. I unfortunately am not. I lived off mentols in my worst ‘can’t make food’ moment. We talked about our tragic love lives, Leeds and i can’t fucking remember what else? Then i chatted to a beautiful girl who was ‘eating brekkie’ in Australia, who reads my blog. I do boast a lot, about how everyone all over the world, reads this *shizzle dizzle* and i do this because i’m an ego maniac. However, i DO also FORGET that people do, which isn’t good. I’m meant to be providing a service. A good one…about my life. But, i never remember to actually be inspirational and therefore litter this page with jolly drunken rubbish. But ah well…i’m drunk. I can’t even see and i’m sat on my living room floor, with too much lippy on. My life rocks. I’m the Ultimate Glamour puss. I have hair like a porn star and eyes like a Lady boy with herpes. *Picks drink back up.*

I think i decided, that i again hate sausage dogs yesterday. Like are you a dog, or are you a fucking sausage??? They’re creepy little things and all about humping you’re ankle…and never calling. I mean if it’s a dog, i’d eat it. But if it’s a sausage, then that’s repulsive. I also talked to ‘the gays love him’ Jody Latham last night on Facebook. The last time i saw him, he was being thrown out of a club, stroking me and laughing. I ADORE him. The soul of any worthwhile party, that boy is!! (I oddly want to kick things?)

I shopped all day, i did, i did. I bought everything, that everyone elses arms could carry. I’ve don’t think i’ve ever seen a busier shopping centre. Frantic Mothers Day shoppers are evil. I did talk to lots of you today, which was as dandy as can be. However, i got moody, because i couldn’t figure out what i wanted to buy my Mother for tomorrow and took it out on you all. Lol. Well only 4 of you, who were 15 and having dirty sex in the coffee shop toilets. I really needed a wee…and ofcourse i was jealous. I loved you all…thankyou for all the adoration and the semen stains. Whoppeeee!! I’ve bought my Mother everything. I’m trying to be favourite child. If you can’t BUY affection that what CAN you do?? My Brother and i are going present for present, until she picks the child she loves most!

I’m thoroughly missing my Loverboy….loads. This is not like me?? I must be sprung. I believe it’s because he’s all shy and sweet. OR maybe it’s because he was laid in bed at 12.23am, (LAID IN BED, FITT FIT FITTTTT) thinking about me in the dark and texting me rather raunchy things. He’s romantic AND raunchy. I mean it started off all ‘I’m really missing you, wish you were sleeping next to me,’ and then completely turned into deliciously devilish ‘hanky panky’ text much. Can you imagine what he could’ve been doing?? I got right into it. Lot’s of what we wanted to do to each other took place. Lots of laughing, lots of ‘whooas‘ and lots of ‘i’m gonna love pleasuring you’s occured. 🙂

I’m really proud because i’ve accidentally brought the ‘kink’ out in him…the ‘naughty naughty.’ And i did notice that he is bolder via text, than he is face to face. He’ s also bolder when drunk. He’s way more open. Therefore after an ‘I’m gonna have to be an alcoholic to impress you,‘ ( i enjoy that he wants to impress me, most guys care about trying to be unimpressive with me.) He said, ‘U see, i wish i could be like this infront of you, but it just seems difficult.‘ (Awwwww…) I’m completely adoring this boy. (Gays, you might have to grab confetti pink heels and your wedding hats. I’m quite sprung.) *heart beats* We like him because he lets me be Me without judgement and adores Me, known me for 10 years and does not compete with Me. I’m getting treated like the Princess. Am i really falling in love?? OMG!!! Delicious!!! *Excited face* (This better not all go tits up.) I met him exactly this time last week.

I can’t think of anything else that has happened, apart from the most delicious snake skin heels and dirty glass of port. Keep it fucking sexual! *shakes glitter out of vagina*


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