He said it was ‘Closure.’ October 1, 2010 by Chrissie I’m love ‘Strictly Come Dancing!’ Due to my now obvious ‘preggo’ status, i spent my Friday feeling, in the sheer warmth of my living room, (which needs to be far more lavish…i want the Buddha made of out Disco ball, that i saw with Samuel, when we lunched in Camden. The gay moody judge on ‘strictly’ called ‘Craig,’ who i personally adore..bought it apparently. At least i know it’s in the hands of Greatness.) Now, i don’t want you to think, i didn’t have fun. I’m the Kitty Queen of party. You could put me in a barn…(well that has happened…and i was topless 🙂 ) and i’ll turn it into your ‘best time ever.’ My Friday night has been hilarious. All i did was have a chick friend around, (i’ll name her ‘Frigid,’) who’s going through minor relationship problems that right now seem major and well we ate red liquorice, put on heels amd in our pyjamas danced our version of each and every ‘Come Dancing’ move known to mankind. WE ALL KNOW, i adore a bit of a boogie and i love a bit of uber glamour, sequins and over the topness! I got up, mid-‘he just doesn’t understand me’ and in my pink nighty performed MY cha-cha-cha, and pretend sexy waltz with ‘Jack Branning.’ I couldn’t do that dance with him, because i’d simply have to stop to dry hump his leg shamelessly, in my flowy dress, to mood music. Oh and my favourite outfit in the whole wide world right now, is a silver sequinned bra, with a open front, NEON yellow, ‘heellllooo cleavage’ dress. TO DIE FOR!!! Anyway, we drank mocktails, she felt better. I then tended to my darling gay Edd Clay, who was all excited for his night out and because he was going to meet his ex. He was eating pizza, so that he wouldn’t puke at breakfast ( I miss those nights) and had that inner smile, that inner giddy bubbling inside him. Every being in love or innocent lust has felt it. When you’re so excited about seeing a ‘handsome’ that you’re kinda of pretending that you don’t fancy as much as you do! It’s a feeling of magic! I believe Edd’s plan was to look as delicious as possible, make sure that his ex noticed the effort, (that you pretend took no effort at all) and then end up in a drunken bedroom wrestle with him…and all of this was apparently just for closure!! Now, i ADORE EDD deeply. But i ain’t silly. I’ve been there a million times and if i know anything, i know that we’re love bunnies at heart, underneath a bit of attitude and a can of spray tan. And fortunately we’re hot ones. You don’t get that excited, or get that ready if you don’t secretly and rather properly fancy the boy in question. Therefore being the Glamour puss, that i am…i glitter signed him a warning, telling him that even though he believes it’s all for that ever so infamous word ‘closure’…after a bit of tequila, or a fruity alcopop, he’ll be suffering from that all mighty moment of tragic ‘love me, love me’ and walllowing in ‘please want me forever.’ I know this because it’s what happens to me EVERYTIME hopelessly. I did actually have pure confidence in him…yet about an hour ago he bbm’ed me with a ‘You were right.’ 🙂 He’s actually now trashed (which i did advise and because he was too far travelled on the booze train by the time he hollered for ‘help.’ There’s no point in going back once you’ve gone that far. You either do the ‘ex’ thing completely sober, or utterly trashed!!) You always do end up that way, around people you want to MAKE love you forever or attempt to ‘get over.’ I guess ‘closure‘ isn’t going tooo well. So far he’s now bbm’ed me with a ‘ You know everything don’t you.‘Followed by a beautiful… ‘I want to cry’ and 15 minutes later a lovely… ‘i have to get fucked to get over this cunt.’ HAHAHAHA. I do LOVE EDD! We are two peas in the same leopard print pod. I actually now DON’T miss that part of my life. The awful amount of times i’ve had to play the ‘love me, love me- closure’ game. I did it on tequila and ended up in tears, sleeping with them, or crying myself to sleep on a merry-go-around in Hollywood, until ‘pass-out.’ Anyway my friend ‘Frigid,’ must have felt really left out or lonely during the Edd Clay, ‘closure’ talk, because she began crying. I gave her a rum and coke and sniffed it, to remember how it felt to be happy. Her boyfriend, who was apparently ‘okay after all’ was now a ‘dickhead’ and because he might not be over his ex. UGH! This is why dating sucks balls…well literally in my case. It’s awful because it’s the quickest way to rack up a merry, bitter pile of exes. I hate exes that belong to the boys i date…even if i’m the ‘trade up.’ I hate the thought that they once loved them like they say they love me. I try to trust, as much as i can…but i’ve DATED and DATED. It’s been a sexy..but bumpy ride of lipgloss and oh yeah…PAIN! Harriet actually said a funny thing today when i told her that Loverboy was getting all posessive with me and practising the art of ‘telling me what to do.’ Nice try. Luckily, it’s apparently normal, because ‘Youngie‘ her loverboy, does the same to her…and well i file those phases under ‘Pete must have his period,’ but Harriet refers to it as Youngie, ‘getting his fanny out.’ HAHAHAHAH. I ADORE my friends!!! When Pete doesn’t tell me what to do…i hate it and when he does i hate it. Yipppeee. I think, i just don’t like to feel trapped ever. Not that i am, as we all know he’s ever so loving, but I simply enjoy a relationship, where i’m fooled into believing i have some kind of a loop hole, or a ‘get out freely’ card. I’m the Runaway bride…but whorier. I want ‘forever’…and i have it. Yet i just can’t stop looking at it, getting frightened and then jiggery pokering around it, on my tippy toes and in wedding dresses. As of right now…‘Frigid‘ is making cups of rum. Harriet (who is also preggo) is terrifying herself by watching ‘labour’ videos on Youtube. (I do mean, as in ‘give birth’ and not as in Gordon Brown.) And well Edd has just this second bbm’ed me with a ‘I miss him…he’s now being a knob.’ I’m sitting all pudgey in a nighty, looking like Kimora Lee but feeling like ‘Heather’ off Eastenders, trying to take a picture of my bump to send to Hilton’s BBF, my 6ft 2 piece of gay loving.. Samuel. My phone is ringing and i think it’s Gay Adam. (I’ve missed it because i’m blogging. Anyone calling me write now must be on the wine.) And Loverboy is complaining because he oddly thinks everyone wants to shag him? Love is a bizarre little thing isn’t it? (Marilyn Monroe is on my telly and i’ve covered in drying fake tan.) I have a massive day of shopping tomorrow. Doncaster here i come! Puurr…pout!