Have you done 4.12 am?

It’s 4.12 am. Happy Monday to Meeeee! Y’know, the thing about 4.12 am on a Monday morning, in Yorkshire…is that nothing, at all… happens.

*Cue Glitter Tumbleweed.*

It’s even dark.

The world seems completely still. Well, from my window it’s still? I’m sure there may be debauchery happening in someone else’s 4.12 am window. However, in & out of my peeky view…everything around me is still. It’s quiet. It’s at peace. It’s kinda lonely. Yet lovely, right? (We’re gonna go with lovely.)

If I’m honest, I don’t usually ever see 4.12 am. Do you? Therefore I was surprised when people ‘liked’ my 4.12 am Insta post. People were up toooo??? People in the U.K.

Whenever I’ve seen such a time , no matter where I’ve been in the world, it’s definitely not been STILL. I mean I’m looking around and champagne isn’t being sprayed over me from a giant sparkler lit bottle, in a booth, that’s surrounded by hundreds of people in tight dresses or fitted shirts, who are dancing to Sean Paul tracks, pretending to know the words, flirting with strangers & spending money that will ‘ouchy’ their eyes in the morning.

I feel safe in both environments. They both comfort me. I’m adaptable like that. Good times & chills are my besties. So even though it’s quiet. I feel happy. I’m all good. I think?

Ruby’s fast asleep. (She’s beautiful.) Junior’s back later today, around tea time. (I can’t wait. I wonder how he’s feeling?) My Mum’s staying over at mine, simply because of all the recent shenanigans that have been going on. (I think she just wants to make sure that I AM ACTUALLY safe from the ‘hoo haa’ of others. Lol. I appreciate that. Nothing’s better than yer Mama, is it!)

I have an upopened ‘snap’ from ‘DBear’ which is always nice to see. But I can’t open it yet because I don’t like ‘pinging’ people at crazy o clock. Plus, he an ‘always replyer,’ so it’s not fair to throw in a ‘wakey- wakey, it’s 4.12 am!!’

I’m keeping myself to myself…I’m concentrating on work and I cannot tell you how grateful I am for all the love & support you’re all giving me. (It’s actually now 5.42 am. I’ll soon be able to tick ‘write blog’ off my list. Wahey!!! But really the kindness that you’re all showing is remarkable. Nothing is going unnoticed.)

I’m having a tricky time. Believe it or not….Lol. *Rolls Eyes.* It’s not remotely fun. It’s…well let’s put it this way…

Imagine a black bola hat, filled with multi-coloured squares of paper, that have been folded in half. (Wait! No. Not a black bola hat. I want pink. Imagine it being pink!!!)

Just like a raffle winner ‘pull out,’ it’s almost as if, I dip my hand into the hat, with my kitty eyes closed. I have a good rummage around, pull out a piece of paper, unfold it to see what my prize is and it simply reads…



I do it over and over and over…Each time, it reads ‘DRAMA.’ (Haha.) Like that’s all that I have in store.

Blue piece of paper- ‘DRAMA.’

White piece of paper- ‘DRAMA.’

Pink piece of paper- ‘More DRAMA.’

Yellow piece- ‘Drama! Drama! DRAMA!!’

Yipppeeee! Let’s all have prosecco!!!

This is my current life….

…and it’s SO weird because my life is SO wonderful. I’m so lucky and everything is finally fitting into place. How can this happen?

Obviously, my joy winds some humans up. ( Wonderful!) But not me! I love my joy!! Leave me alone! I’m all good here! Haha.

I’m having to walk around with this face…


….permanently. Y’know, just to look chilled.

Why has one thing dwindled into Wunna Land, with a luggage label that reads ‘miserable, hurt, wants to destroy everything now, for kicks??’ Why!?! This is not Fabulous! This is not Good times!! This is AWFUL!! I don’t think I’ve cried as much In my life!!! Lol.

Anyway…this thing…

..like a pin ball machine…bounces on through, hitting almost everyone and everything it smashes into, whilst it finds it’s merry way to the hole.

It does eventually end up back in the hole. THANK THE LORD!! However, the ‘bounce time’ is not only tricky, harsh and stressful. It’s also exhausting….on everyone!!

Why are some people utter douches??? I don’t get it??? Why do some people try to venture back into Wunna Land, in hope to destroy it because they either can’t be a part of it, or hate to see joy fluttering from me? This isn’t a Disney film, with a wicked witch or an evil pixie. This is my real life.

If only I had a Genie’s lamp!!!

Anyway, this thing has try to re-enter with vengeance. (Lovely! Just what I wanted.)

Luckily, as it tried to destroy most happy things…I was surrounded by thoughtful humans, who turned around and said…. ‘It’s fine. Don’t worry. I got you!’

I cried when I heard that too! Haha.

This is probably why I make an ‘alright’ actress. I’m totes emosh. Plus, I never have to PRETEND to FEEL something. As of yet, there hasn’t been anything on a script, that I haven’t actually BEEN through in REAL life!! Haha.

But yes. Here’s to September! Here’s to EVERYONE being happy! Here’s to getting through it with my kitty head held high.

Here’s to having faith in life!!!

Junior’s home soon….

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