Has it all back fired?

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Oh my GOD, i am shattered from work Lol..and i’m only laughing because i either find it funny, i’m delirious or i have completely lost my mind. Now, we know that i’m a girl who loves to work and make a bit (or a lot depending on how productive i feel) of moola. I wave the flag for an independant woman and i don’t just been financially, I totally mean emotionally. I’m not naturally a ‘fly off the handle’ type of girl, mate, or even girlfriend. I’m quite savvy, quite together and quite chilled….dashed in a fun swirl of very regular madness. I’m probably the best person you’ll ever know. πŸ™‚ And i really do mean that! πŸ™‚

Anyway, i’ve just got home form work, i’m blogging in my glasses from my actual leopard print, sheeted bed…Ruby is sat next to me listening to ‘Tik Tok’ by Keisha πŸ™‚ on my phone…and i’ve just text Ben to have a moan about the ‘normal existence’ part of my life. He’s having a moan because he’s on ‘nights’ and well i decided that i’ve foolishy believed that working really hard towards a giant luxury goal, ALL my life has maybe been the wrong thing, when really I could’ve, or should’ve just married an old rich, white man, for either a Visa, $fifty, or sat happy with my ‘mail order bride’ face on. πŸ™‚ (I’d die wouldn’t I.)

BUT, we were in the pub the other day…I think it was Saturday? I can’t remember. The night where we all did dinner at ‘The Carleton’ and then headed into town…It was a big attention night for me…a night of that sort only get’s labelled that if i have noticed males being ‘eyey.’ I enjoy it, but i don’t dwell on it. But honestly. It’s really different to how to make think…if you know me and you know me well…you’ll know that i take it all with a very glittery and polite pinch of salt…or vodka. πŸ™‚ My internal security is great. I’ve been through it all and back again in heels. I’m really comfortable in my own skin and can immediately notice when someone, be they a girl or a boy is not or does not feel that way. I only know because i’ve been there. Plus, I can always tell by how they react when say boys or chicks hit on them. I notice their level of excitement, or lack of. HAHA.

Anyway, that night, I was sat chatting to Chloe, about naked boys…and Ben was sat across from my eyeline chatting to some dude, who went up to him, pointed at me…(everyone thought we were an iten that night, or that i was his wife…I think it’s because we accidentally coloured co ordinated our outfits πŸ™‚ but then I remember that it’s Pontefract, not Hollywood and no decent human would deliberately do that in Yorkshire…so I’m not sure why really, but they did.)

Anyway…i’m rambling on…the dude chats to him, point sat me and asks him if he has BOUGHT ME. Hahaha. Oh my God! Like i either some floozy, or some Thai Bride who sat in a hut, with too much lippy yon waiting for a dodgy rich, English guy to buy me for ‘love.’ He basically called me a ‘Gold digger’ and it was actually kind ace, because AS IF MY LIFE HAS BEEN THAT EASY! πŸ™‚ I wish! So the image that is ‘Wunna’ is really different to who i actually am and it’s hilarious. If only I could give a guy a blowie and end up millionaire rich forever, with a rock that would break my arm. πŸ™‚

Ben tells the story better because I wasn’t actually involved in the conversation. But you get it? How funny? I can’t win for losing. πŸ™‚ I could make millions of pounds…and i will one day and someone somewhere in some bar will always still say, ‘who did she bonk to get there.’ Bad right! HAHAH. I’m too frigid for that! Well don’t get me wrong, i enjoy sex and i’m sexually uninhibited…yet…not when it comes at a price. I find that the wrong kind of ‘dirty’ and that’s coming from ME..the most loosely moralled human ever.

Soooo, since then at work we’ve been getting these conversations about how women have become so independant that maybe we ourselves have taught men to be lazier than normal and weak? Like we moan about them not paying for everything, or not being romantic, taking the lead, being bold, brave or forward…However, maybe we as women have become sooo ‘do it ourselves’ that we’ve created a generation of ‘less heroic’ men? Have we? I don’t know? But we can’t have it all. Do we want them to take control, adore us, treat us and spoil us…or do we want Β to be the leaders ourselves and then later moan because we’ve not getting treated, spoilt or looked after? Has being strong women completely backfired on us????

I guess we want EVERYTHING. We all want a man who adores us, looks after us emotionally, financially and physically…yet at the same time we want to feel independent enough to have whatever we want, whenever we want, because we’ve got our own dosh, want our own sense of respect and ‘hero’ badge on our suit of armour chest.

I’m confused..and when i’m confused i just don’t think about it too much.

I think love is love and money is money and i adore a romantic and loyal man when it comes to love and i don’t associate money with love AT ALL. I either see ti as business or well..if i have it…and they maybe don’t…i have zero problem splurging. I don’t really get treated too badly by men, they’re usually quite wonderful to me, be they a lover, friend or acquaintance. I finally like surprises because this year and towards the end of last, they’ve always been good, meaning that i don’t fear them anymore. So it’s the LITTLE things that men do for me, that will make me fall for them madly. Acts of romantic or expressive bravery…or just something simple that they didn’t have to do, but they just did it anyway, because they wanted to… makes me smile. Things like that mean so much to me because i find it lovely.

Today i’ve worked my arse off and i’m doing really well. I’m at my day job, needing to brush up my lash line, I just haven’t had the time. I’m single mumming it and loving every moment of it and still having lots of fun.

I’m juggling a lot right now that i actually had to seek business advice in order to get my priorities straight. You need this in life. People around you to guide you and reality check you.

SO, i’ve been on standby for a couple tv shows and well…when i was at my business meeting they asked me what mattered more to me and I had to give reasons as to why i had chosen to do certain things.

My eyelash brand is what i want…that’s the empire that i want to develop and the business of beauty is what i would like to rejoice in. The TV work, would simply be there JUST to help promote a brand…So after speaking to this guy in Hollywood, who has worked with some amazing successes that would make you’re heart beat faster…we came up with a solution.

I’m going to work and work hard…and firstly (from a business point of view) only concentrate on th lash line. Do one thing good instead of a lot of things shit, because when i focus on ONE thing..i do it really well. (I’m also like that with boys. I don’t need to spread myself thinly. If i like a boy that’s the boy i like..and it will pretty much stay like that for ages. HAHA.)

Soooooo i’ve pulled myself off any Tv work. I’ve rescheduled my Summer party to a couple months later to help promote the brand, where in which i have a whole new range of second lashes to let out upon you…this time named after my favourite British boys, but this will all come out later. Once that’s on route…i’l then do some kind of Tv to promote it..and lots of other stuff also. Stuff like that i find easy to get on and deal with.

Things are going really well…and i’m really focused on what’s going to make a different. The good thing is that i’m not too much of a stress head these days so i can pretty much do it with Mummying, fun, boys and life.

Tomorrow i have a full day at work and a lingerie shoot afterward. (Don’t get me wrong, money is money and if i find it worth my while and it’s only 4 hours of my time…i’ll do it.) It’s for a great brand and you’ll i’m sure you’ll all enjoy the pics that will be out later.

And for the rest of the week, it’s head down, work and get to Friday in ONE PIECE. I’m nearly there. I’m grateful for everything…and i need a giant sized wine.

On Friday I don’t know what i’m going to do, because i fancy going out and being social, yet i want to do that and then check back home early for drinks, instead of randomly doing ‘fellas.’ Which i hate. I have finally realized that i’m too old for that. I think i just like to have music on around me incase i want to boogie..and when there’s no tunes, i get worried and need to find it immediately.

Right, i’m off to do wine.

Have an awesome evening!

Chrissie x

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