Hanky Panky

A Latin boy once told me, after a tedious bit of * rumpy pumpy,* many many Los Angeles, moons ago, that i was in his Top 5, ‘Best Blow Jobs’ he had ever had. I kind of stopped, paused and thought he was the grossest being i had ever seen for that single moment. EWW! I’m a Glamour Puss. I mean, firstly ‘TOP 5!!’ No-one wants to be top 5 sexual anything!  Why would you say that to the girl you’re supposed to be with and see as the Ultimate Goddess of your affection, after she had just given you your *special occasion?*

I remember seeing it as a *put down* and not really a compliment. He grossed me out and always would try to make me jealous, in a good old mature male way. *Yawn.* To this try he tries to apologise and make me forget about all the awful things he said to me. (Lol.) Boys are quite good at that! But i don’t forget anything. Top 5 blow job, my arse. He can get lost! I mean he didn’t even MAKE my list od deliciousness…and well I (out of sheer utter politeness) NEVER said that to him! (‘Oh hey yeah, that was great. Yeah you didn’t really make my list of great shags, but thanks anyway. I love you.’) It wasn’t his crudeness that got to me. (He did a lot worse to me than that!) It was his dumbness that made me sick. I have respect for smart people. He is definitely not the brightest berry in the bunch.

Loverboy‘ on the other hand, has labelled me as his BEST, number ONE-age piece of *Rumpy pumpy* he has ever had! I like that. Ofcourse, i do. I mean, i enjoy our time in the bedroom with each other and he is definitely my best Handsome of *share sheets.* It’s loving and sensual and feels exactly how it should feel when you’re in love. you can tell that we care about each other, when we tend to our sauciness. It’s truely emotional and that my kittens, is how it should be. Therefore don’t let a boy roll you over and ‘go at you’ like he’s a heartless champion. Or let a girl, lay there and think of her shopping list, mid-pokerella. (I’ve done that before and it was pointless.)

If you don’t entirely feel like you want them or need them at that precise moment, (and it’s all about a moment,) then don’t bother with the *Hanky panky.* If they’re not seductively stirring your wildest emotions, and you’d rather have a cuppa tea, then *snap* open a pack of Rich tea biscuits and curl up to a decent chick flick, whilst you send them on their way to find their own little saucy adventure of *minx.* He confident in your actions. Its fools everyone into believing you KNOW what you’re talking about. 🙂 (I only know whats right for me. But sometimes, boys think i know what’s right for them to!)

Gay Adam once told me this story about how he was dating this guy who was Prince Charming in Disney Land Paris. Now, Prince Charming (at Disney land Paris)…quite different from the actual fairytale asks to get freaky with my dear Gay Adam, via the internet. When Gay Adam refused to take all his clothes off for webcam and do saucy things to himself for the Prince. he deleted  and blocked him from Facebook.

Things are never how they seem. Prince Charming, couldn’t have a conversation with my gay Adam without suggesting some kind of kinky, outburst of sexuality…which i find weird. However,  i’m used tosuch behaviour, as people of the opposite sex present me with such nonsense on a daily. I immediately want to protect my kittens from people of that sort. No matter how hot or Princely they are!

Adam’s a romantic, so probably wants to hold hands, cuddle and be all lovey dovey. (Like moi! And that works for most decent people.) Prince Charming’s idea of love, was trying to get Adam to dress up in kinky, raunchy gay, thongy leather wear, have him kidnapped, (‘bag over the head’ kidnapped at that) and then forced to have angry, sadistic sex with him…with whips, beat downs and everything growls. OMG!!! How disturbing!

This guy works around happy touristy, ‘love Disney’ children and because he’s a hottie he thought he could demand anything he wanted fom my dear Gay Adam. If i’m gonna date a ‘Prince fucking Charming’ i expect a fricking fairytale and NOT to be chained up and raped, by a horny faced gargoyle. It’s so bizarre, how the minds of the kinkeroos work?

Give me tenderness over dirty perv, (even if he does come in Prince form) ANY day!

Infact, at this precise moment i’m currently cyber yelling at this odd perv on facebook called ‘Mike Baldwin.’ (Fake name, fake profile picture. Thinks he’s clever and always tries to get my number, and makeme go naked on webcam. Nice try honey! Eww!) He always forgets that i know he’s a perv and every so often sends me a dirty chat message to try and get kinky. He’s gross and i tell him every time. Why do they bother? He’s now trying to be funny and nice, whilst going on about how i have ‘fake tits’ and how it’s it’s friends snide profile because he has a girlfriend.

I don’t usually like to say this but…….What a giant loser.

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