Grannies, Sex and Searches

Hello, hello, heelllloooo! It’s day TWO, day DEUX, of my two week off bonanza and i’m a little bit worried that it’s going to fly by. I’m trying to rein it backwards with all my might, yet it’s resisting the pull and making my kitten heels drag their way furiously behind it with sparks.

I’ve just got back from my regular Doncaster shopping day with Ruby, Every Tuesday, if i’m off is ‘Build a Bear’ Tuesday, to the point where the staff in that joint even know we’re coming, adore Rubes with all of their might and then piss themselves laughing at me when they tell me how much her soft toy has actually cost me. Today she went overboard and managed to turn a very quaint, cute and lovable soft toy pug, into a disco, roller booted drag Queen. You wouldn’t really expect much less from anything that ventured out of my ‘lady part’ would you? Yet, it’s the fact that in that store she forgets to say ‘Thank you’ and instead it is replaced with the phrase, ‘Right, next..’ as the things she wishes to purchase as an ‘add on’ is endless.

Ofcourse, i ended up having to pull the roller booted drag puppy around, as I clutched onto a bag full of shoes, an drippy blue ice cream cone, a colouring set, some other bits of crap and everything else, as i tried to sip my own coffee, which lacked the amount of sugar needed for such a trip. I was like one big glity pack horse and i hate that, because i hate manual labour. Unfortunately she has all my rubbish genes, so she hates manual labour also. However, because i’m ‘Mummy,’ I end up having to do it…But the good thing is that I adore her, so she is the ONLY female that I will commit to manual labour for, without moaning. It wasn’t even 10am and i wanted to go home before she maxed out my account with baby Wunna land ‘must have’s.’ I said it once and i’ll say it again…holidays are rubbish because you end up being really spendy. I usually never have time to spend.

I’ve decided that men are weird. Not all men, but most. I’m quite laid back and giddy today, but i will say that i’m quite a hard lady to date because i subconsciously have a ‘tick box’  in my head. It’s like I want every man i hope to do forever with…. to literally qualify to my ideal ‘fairytale’ of a man. But i’m not gonna ramble on about that right now. I’m far too knackered. This rushing after two babies malarky is tiring. By 3pm, i need a nap.

I say it’s because of the babies, but it’s not really, I have a lot of help, i’m actually knackered because my own mother made me watch ‘My Granny The Escort’ last night, which was on at God Knows what time! My mum got really into it all, almost as if she had found a future profession if being a doctor wasn’t cutting the mustard. Now, I’m a huge fan of a documentary about the lives of strange others. Not animals or the environment…just people. I have a natural interest in peeps with bizarre lifestyles. But last night, i turned prudy and because I couldn’t BELIEVE what the granny escorts were saying. It sort of hilarious, interesting and sad all at the same time. I mean, they pretended they loved what they did, but once you heard their stories, you realised that they ust wanted to be loved, wanted, or desired. Or they just wanted company, attention, or their husbands had forced them into such a lifestyle by failing to provide for the family appropriately. ‘My husband gambled away all our money, so i signed up to being an escort. I had to sleep with 8 men in one day.’ She really must be knackered. OH GOD and that poor 80 year old granny, who seems to love being a escort? She was doing squats on the stairs in order to make her knees work, after an accident she had had. Surely at 80 you should be resting and not…in her own words…letting some geezer ‘cum in her mouth,’ for $200. How awful and especially to me, as i’ve been raised to utterly and whole heartedly respect the elderly. It’s the Asian way. Or just the ‘good person’ way. I didn’t know whether i should feel sorry for the granny and just find her love the proper way, or dislike the men who were grossly turned on by being so crude to an elderly woman. Great documentary though. Very interesting. Very disturbing at how hooked my mum was to it. ‘Chrissie, she makes £200 per hour!!!’

‘MUM, she has to let random men CUM in her mouth for that money!!’


But yes, that’s why i’m tired today..and i’ve shopped all day…AND i’ve got a wine meeting at five o clock, at the Carleton today.

Then to top it all off, just before i started writing this blog, I figured i would have a look at what people had been searching to find It’s usually ‘Chrissie Wunna’…however today…and of all the days i’ve decided to check, the TOP searches were as follows…


I mean HOLY SHIT! Hahaha.  Who has firstly Googled ‘anal candy disco chicks’ and secondly, what have I written about in order for my blog to come up on such a search! LMAO! Then to plonk the cherry on top for laughs, i placed this photo up on my Facebook page for all to see and  ‘Graham’ (who i am acquainted with) wee’s himself with laughter at the phrase ‘NUDE KISSY.’ LOL. Did he not SEE, the ‘anal disco.’ HAHAHA. And the beings who did search on Google…SPELT IT WRONG! That’s how popular i am these days. I mean, talking about the past…and i’m a bein gwho hates ‘timehop. I find it annoying….a ‘Chrissie 2009’ search appeared as a top search, because that was the time when i was on the telly, ace and everyone adored me…like i’m not as ace now. HAHAHA. All very offensive and lovely. 🙂

I tried to make a guy purchase me a box of kittens today. It didn’t work.

Happy Tuesday! I need a nap!





Leave a comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.