Afternoony all! Hope you’re all delicious. Hope you’re all grateful that it’s Friday and reaching for that glitzy little light at the end of the very long tunnel. I feel like I’ve had the busiest of weeks EVER dudes & to say it all began in me wallowing around in utter 5*luxury….I’M ABSOLUTELY STRESSED, knackered and once again in need of a holiday to unwind. If I can’t take an eventful week, how the hell can I take a lifetime. ๐Ÿ™‚ *Rolls diamante coffin in.* I now want a trip to the forest. (I enjoy how random that sounds. It’s almost as if i venture off into the woods, like Goldilocks..but more Asian, bitchy and with boobs… to harass bears and find peace.)

But yes, checked out of the Wensleydale suite Tuesday at noon, although glum I was brought back to life by Ruby racing out of nursery smiley with relief, shouting ‘MUMMY, MUMMY’ because she had missed me. I have an affection little daughter and well it’s uplifting to know that i’ve created a being who is exceptionally loving. (Until it’s bed time.) The rest of Tuesday was spent wishing we we’re ALL ย at Oulton Hall enjoying the spa and recovering lost time with my little babies. I have GREAT children. I then had to get to bed early as I was headed to London the next day to lunch with some of the Ann Summers ‘O’ Team girls from ‘Sex Toy Story’ and of course the fabulous Jacqueline Gold herself, (not forgetting the wonderful ‘PR Sophie’ and the tremendous ‘Jacqueline’s PA Katy.’ I like labels.)

Anyway, got up early, spruced up, still on my Outlon hall come-down depression…got the children ready for nursery, listened to Keiran playfully moan at the fact that there would be no-one there to make him lunch. *Yawn.* ๐Ÿ™‚ THEN after a gleeful drive up to Wakefield Westgate, (I took my pretend GEEK glasses with me simply to wear for cuteness. Keiran & I had a giggly ride up, where we joked and thought we were funny for most of the journey. All we did was pull stupid faces at one another, tease each other…and well I plonked my GEEK glasses on whenever I wanted to act smarter…did the voice and everything…and then played ‘bimbo’ whenever i had them off. YES…we as a couple are responsible for raising actual real life children.) Keiran adores ‘Playful Chrissie’ and simply because she’s not a bitch. ๐Ÿ™‚

By 1027am, I was on a train to London Kings Cross to do lunch with ‘da ladies’ at Kettners in Soho. I usually have a shit sense of direction once in London, when I have to walk, yet i sort of know SOHO like the back of my hand. It’s gay bar after gay bar and old hang out, after old hang out. I’m shocked that I even managed to remember my old stomping ground SOBER. Well done me. Got to Kettners FIRST, out of the rest of the girlies. I’ve just noticed that I am always early to things and never ever late. I never have people waiting and well if i have to get ready, i’m always the first one down. That’s a bloody good trait that I have naturally integrated into my system. ย I always think that when people are late, they believe that what they are currently doing is far more important that you. Unless they have a good excuse of course, then that’s okay. Sort of. I hate waiting.

But yes, if you haven’t been Kettners is a delightful spot, poshy, delicious, chandelier dripped, white walled, contemporary glamour. Lots of upper class accents and air kisses were heard whilst I was downstairs…Ooooh which I remember now. GIRLS! If you want to snag a ‘good to do’ blokey, it is ALL ABOUT the places you go to find men. Go to ya local pub and you’ll find ‘ya local pub’ bloke. Go somewhere fancy and you’ll find your posh boy, who actually has his own bank account and career, flagged with success. Simples. You won’t find a nun in a brothel. Common sense.

Anyway Ann Summers had treated us to our own private dining area two floors up. Jill had met me outside by accident…she had her cleavage sort of out, her essex accent and her sassy red arcrylics with heels. ๐Ÿ™‚ Loved it. Hilarious. Oh and when I say ‘sort of cleavage’ it’s because her boobs were ‘hidden’ behind ‘see through’ material. ๐Ÿ™‚ In Wunna land see through material doesn’t happen. They’re out, ย all bare and jubbly or totally tucked in for a rest.

It was great to have a catch up, great to be greeted with champagne, to see the girls, to see Jacqueline, to be treated to a yummy 3 course lunch of deliciousness, with the best service ever and to have a chat really. As some of you know, well lots of you know…1.5 million of you know actually ๐Ÿ™‚ we designed toys that are currently on sale at Ann Summers for you to purchase. This is the one I did…


Go buy it.

The response to the whole ‘O Team’ marlarkey was better than expected so I think we’re going to be up to more ‘winky-winks’ for you? We don’t actually know what’s going to be going on, but something? However Tuesday was about recalling a memory and catching up on old times. Exciting stuff! Ann Summers have been great to us.

Lunch was Fab. But it was sad that I didn’t get to see Em’s or Fran. (Piccies of our lunch table…just so you can feel that you were there and all that jizzle. ๐Ÿ™‚ ) Kim A and I had a confused fly float between us throughout the entire lunch. It didn’t know whether it wanted to fly around ‘the ethnic’ or head toward the blond thinking it had ‘seen the light?’ Like most boy flies, it had a threesome and flitted between us both.


Literally got the train to London courtesy of Ann Summers, simply to do lunch, before getting the train back home.

It was great when I arrived back at Wakefield Westgate, as Keiran had picked the kids up from nursery and had them meet me on the platform. I ADORE moments of that sort. Again just seeing perfectly directed Ruby run towards me, as a surprise, shouting ‘Mummy’ was AMAZING. Keiran had the whole train station on side, as they were all, (aside from a boobied randomer, who walked infront of my photo taking) watching the family and ‘awwing’ with love. We’re good at the ‘show’ of things. Grand gestures only.


I walked behind glowing with satisfaction. I have a brilliant my little family. Everyday they make that 24 hours worth it.

Got home, felt knackered, but life was on the whole great. But how am I supposed to go back to work and handle it? I’m knackered from a simple ‘paid for with champagne journey?

Enjoyed the kids, enjoyed married life…then dealt with Ruby deciding that bed time was just not her thing anymore. She’s started doing that now because she believes that when ‘Daddy Keiran’ ventures to the gym, he won’t return home and she’s found it difficult until just now to deal with him working away through the Summer. Plus, she’s the kinda gal, who just likes everyone to be home, where she can keep an eye on us. ๐Ÿ™‚ I’ve stressed the importance of ‘family’ to her and in return she’s given it a ‘thumbs up’ and simply adored it also.

In the end…as in last night, I decided to stop FORCING her to go to sleep. We’re like two peas in a pod Ruby and I. Not only is the art a ‘forcing’ a no go with us, but we’re also natural night owls. Bedtime is when we’re tired. Operation ‘Whatever’ came into play and well we both found ourselves watching a party on the telly and wiggling our bums to it in unison. I do literally mean stood up in the living room, under a chandelier… wiggling in the exact same manner. We didn’t even plan to perform such great bum wiggling in unison…it just happened. But when it did we turned and smiled at each other like we had the greatest minds on this entire earth.

She eventually fell asleep last night because the story of the making of accidental billionaires bored her…which I do hope is a trait she GROWS OUT OF! ๐Ÿ™‚ Gosh, i’m going to be a hideous Mother in law one day. ‘The Social Network’ was on the telly, which is one of my fave movies. I love true stories that tell you accurately how people became ‘Great.’ Keiran watched it and couldn’t sleep all night due to needing to come up with ‘becoming a billionaire’ schemes of money making. He…like most men, loves dosh. The good thing is his work ethic is rather superior to most. I hate a lazy man. They grow fur on ya sofa and ask you to give them tenners. (Keiran is currently bending and half naked squatting, then leaping up and shouting ‘CYCLONE’ at me, whilst squeezing my boobs and pretending to belt me…with a belt. Then laughing. ๐Ÿ™‚ ย I called him an ‘idiot’ and his reply was simply ‘well you married me.’ He makes me need wine.)

Anyway, back to Wednesday. Did Lunch. Got home. Thursday, we all packed up, got our poses in tact and well took the train to Leeds to go tend to the children’s modelling agency pictures.

Ruby is now back on the modelling scene. I pulled her out of it for a while until she knew what it was all about and until she actually was excited about doing something like that. They were delighted and eager for her to be back on their rosta, yet also wanted to sign Baby Junior after a seeing a photo of him..and THEN wanted to sign Keiran tooooo…after I sent them a pic. I fancy myself at a Kris Jenner. I do always say that. My ideal job would to be a talent agent or manager. That’s what I ended up doing in LA for a while.

My babies, including the big one, DID FANTASTICALLY in the shoot. I was so impressed. Rubes was so filled with utter excitement, that she went giddily nutty. The good thing is that she was charming with it and not like a messy drunk. I was proud of the confidence she had and the personality that she didn’t quite control. ๐Ÿ™‚ She ran around her photo shoot, giggling madly and laughing with the occasional *pause* for a picture. JESUS! We had to rugby ball her out of there, because she didn’t want the ‘other girls to have a go.’ ย Baby Junior ACED it, LIKE A PRO. He was quiet, approached it with ‘swag’ and oddly pulled the exact right faces whenever he had to?? HAHAHAHA. He really is Stewie from Family Guy. That boy knows how to be adorable without trying and does so with a whole heart of pureness. Ruby however ย knows how to be adorable when she wants to use it to her advantage. ๐Ÿ™‚ That’s the difference between them. Juniors quite calm and disciplined. Ruby is insane…like moi.

Shoot went well. I felt like the hibble hobble bag carrying witch.I had bottles and forms and contracts and snacks and nappies and hairspray and train tickets and prams and everything going on. I think i even sweated a bit and that’s disgusting behaviour!

At the end of it all Keiran filled in his measurements because the agent adored him. He got signed up with a snippety snap. It always happens. The whole family’s at it. I have a great husband and well I was very proud of them all. The Hubs has really has stepped his game up over the last year and it’s amazing to finally feel whole.

We then trained it back home. Everyone rested and I did WINE. Wine that i simply deserved.

Today has been an errand running day and we’ve lunched out, enjoyed the weather and well The Hubs has bought 6 tubs of giant protein powder for almost ยฃ200. (More money goes out in seconds than ever now. I thought he was intending on gathering moola for billions. ๐Ÿ™‚ )

Now we’re home resting. I want an afternoon GIN and then we’ll go collect the children from nursery before heading away again tomorrow morning at, to go to the wedding of one of Keiran’s relatives. It’s been ALL GO and glitter this week. I’m exhausted.

Love you. Need a rest. (‘Rest’ means booze.)

Wunna x

ps/ Ruby has to go to Pete’s tonight. Its hard for me because I feel like I have to share my children with so many people ho adore them. We have triple sets of grandma’s and extra Daddies and everything who all want a piece of my ‘baby time.’ I don’t mind because they’re so loved. Yet, I kinda just want my kids to be with ME…ALL THE TIME…I might get all stressed at times whenever they’re driving me insane, yet once they’re away i’m broken.

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