I’m not feeling too bad this morning, as Operation ‘Va Voom’ has now begun. *Applaud here.* The ‘Pity Party’ has been folded away until next time and well this morning, i’ve managed to have a morning of ME. Well ‘ME’ now means ME and Baby Ruby. We spent the entire morning grooming. I did my face and curled my hair, as she made me ‘piggy’tail’ her locks over and over again, then cream her over with Johnsons lavender moisturiser, before she surrendered to the art of playtime…and then enjoyed every inch of her pretend restuarant in her play house. Rubes is currently adorable and well this ‘Terrible Two’s thins must have worn off now that she is actually TWO? Maybe it’s the simple fact that i don’t actually mind her being ‘Diva’ and ‘Dramatic’ as that’s sort of classed as normal behavior in my world. 🙂 Yet, i’m adoring every minute of being with her and simply because it’s ACE having a ‘Mini Me.’
Keiran and I are still not talking and it seems this time the longer we ignore each other the more angrier at him i’m getting. Usually, i’d feel bad by now and I almost did yesterday so I gave him a cuddle. However, due to him being unresponsive, it immediately triggered off every single past memory of him that I had where he had troubled me. So his loss. I went to bed. Plus, I still think he needs to learn people’s skills. The best way to get a girl to adore you is probably not to sit there when she is saying nothing to you, as she plays with her daughter and name call at her out of frustration. He called me ‘pathetic’…then ‘a child’..then pathetic’ again…then ‘a child’ again. He needs better vocab skills. I mean no-one likes things on repeat…especially not when sober. *Hair-tosses*
The good thing is that i’m highly skilled in the art of ‘Dudes.’ Men only ever name call when they feel inadequate and feel a loss of control, a loss of power. Hence why they need to perform such manly acts of ‘playground.’ It’s boring. I said nothing, continued to play with the glitzy fruit of my loins and ignored him. It sort of made me chuckle on the inside…well until he suggested that I had poor parenting skills, because I didn’t understand that Ruby was saying she wanted ‘Cheese strings.’ (‘God! What is wrong with you! I can’t believe you don’t even know what your own daughter is saying to you. You’re a child. You’re pathetic.’) The sad thing about is i believe that what children see and hear in the house affects them emotionally…so maybe his parenting skills need an adjustment or a kick to the curb. From that point, i hated him again…making it easier for me to blank him. Still no apology or no taking of responsibility for things that are his fault. The thing that I found funny about it all was the fact that someone close to him is going through the exact same thing with a man and he cared very deeply that she was being verbally abused. YET it’s okay for him to do it to me, proving to me that i’m waaaay down his list of love. It made me remember everything he had ever said to me that was bad and everything he had ever done to me that hurt me. Way to go ‘Hubby of the year.’ I don’t think toying with the emotions of a high strung preggo will work for any guy.
Things are not good and not one inch of me wants to forgive him. The Hollywood rule states that it takes 21 days to get over anything. But that’s with zero contact. Today, I’m going to Doncaster. I completely forgot that I was going because I told my friend Ruth that I may do lunch with her today. She’s wanting a ‘rock’ (as in ‘ice’) and simply because out of the three girls (she used to work with Emma and I, for a lady who’s name meant ‘Thrush,’) she is the only one who is currently ‘not taken.’ Which I don’t think is a bad thing. I adored being single. Yet, in her own words, ‘I’m the only one out of us 3 Asian Hookers who hasn’t got a rock yet.‘ Now, she wants one..but i think all girls do right now, as Goodhall has managed to make every other man inferior, with his ultimate performance of utter romance. We’re all looking at our other halves and thinking ‘Erm..Haha. It happens. The getting the rock part is the fun and exciting part. It’s the doing the marriage part that’s difficult and right now Keiran and I are making it very difficult on one another.
I want romance and to feel swept off my feet. I want to feel excited and beautiful…and like i’m the most amazing girl any man could ever wish for. I think it’s the man’s job to make any girl feel that way and that calling someone ‘pathetic’ in front of her daughter is not exactly the smartest way of making a girl adore you. #justsaying #gobacktoromancecamp He’s really hurting and upsetting me right now and giving me the impression that he doesn’t even care that he is because he’s so consumed with himself and how he feels. So i’m just blanking him completely. I’m 6 months pregnant for crying out loud, with his child. I deserve to be treated better, not called names, not left to tend to myself as he goes out for drinks…not any of that. Pete never went out drinking ONCE when I was pregnant with Ruby. Not once. I mean it was only in the last couple of months that i felt Keiran was being perfect. At the beginning of my pregnancy he was hideous…and well now he’s back to being annoying. The good thing is I get to be with my Mum today and well i’m scooping up my independancy and strutting forward, because in a battle of ego’s..yours won’t win. 🙂
Anyway, don’t get me wrong I’m chipper and intending to have a wonderful day. I worked really hard yesterday and didn’t even notice that he had been gone the whole day.
I think a bit of pampering is due and a bit of feeling and looking good is on my agenda for today. Remember it’s not what happens to you that matters, just how you recover..and if you can do it in heels..then even better.
You just can’t get a good kitty down and that in itself makes me feel glorious!
Love you all mucho!
ps/I think i need hair extensions. Nothing like a few extra inches.