So Alexandra won the ‘X-factor,’ and i’m as pleased as punch! She’s a star!! I love watching dreams come true, (sometimes) i just wish mine would bloody hurry up. The problem with me is..i have a dream, it comes true, then i look down my ‘To do’ list and right below it is another. It’s an endless flow of glittery ‘Ooh laa’ materializing before my very eyes. I’m doing pretty darn well, dreams do come true….so ‘BOOYAH!’ (What does that actually mean??) I’m feeling wonderful today, so i’m gonna cram in a last minute bunch of Xmas shopping. I’ve already been yelled at for looking so ‘Pussy Galore,’ yet i’m not sure whether they’re referring to my glamourous self, or my actual Vagina? It’s a sight to see. It’s my throbbing meaty heart of magic…that no longer smells of ‘flummery’ since i quit smoking. Girls who smoke, have ‘hoo-harrs’ that smell like fishy mothballs. Delicious! A boy i know called ‘Berlin’ told me this over coffee on 3rd and La Cienega. Yet, he said ‘Pussies’ that smell of…(then he just did a face that would suggest it wasn’t the nicest of sniffs.)
I wish i had water pistol nipples. I do! I tried to ‘boobie tape’ these plastic flowers, attached to a pump, on each nip, that squirt little spits of water. Yet it really did look like my nipples were just spitting (and thats bad manners)…and not necessarily like a funny water pistol boob. Pointless!
I’m reading an article about the Worlds first ‘Pregnant man.’ Now let me tell you something about the Worlds first Pregnant man…..He’s a bloody woman!! It’s not really such a big extravaganza. A woman,…got pregnant. (Who just so happens to look and live like a bloke.) I could’ve done that! (Why can i hear bollywood music playing in the distance?? No really, i can and i don’t know where it’s coming from???) Oh and i called ‘Latin lover’ last night, only to have him give me the..’i’m too busy to take this call right now. I’m at work. I’ve godda go,’ followed by an immediate hang up. OMG!!! So now, i’m not calling him EVER again!! (which means i probably will tomorrow.) How DARE he!! (hahahaha)
I’ve got to get ready, i’m being pointed at, and phoned repeatedly! I just recieved a text saying ‘You better not be writing your f******* blog, u hag!’ (hahahaha) Godda go, really do! Everyone has a Chrissie Wunna story…what’s yours??