Girls Nights, Cocktails, Heavy Petting & Ben

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So, I FINALLY checked off the worker’s labour list and *wham bammed* my five o clock, ‘Hellooo Weekend’ Friday like the single most excitable human in the world ever! I had WORKED and when I say ‘worked’…I mean WORKED super hard and super long AAALLLLLL week, so the fact that i finally came out the other end of the tunnel smiling got the better of me. (And I don’t care. In my world, everything is about balance. You can work hard all you want, but there’s got to be some kind of release, play or ‘blow out’ in order for you to appreciate life once more.)

I was ready for a ‘blow out’ and surprisingly didn’t get that pissed? (I know, I’m slacking.)

First thing on the ‘weekend’ menu was my ‘bitch’ night with Katty. We’d agreed to meet up at Giraffe’s Burgers & Cocktails at 8pm, for drinks and chick time, followed by a saunter into town to meet ‘da boys.’

As soon as I got home, I flustered into some form of ‘change of clothes’ as I had promised Rich that our ‘Supercolors’ would go on a date (yes, our shoes) so I HAD to refrain from dressing like a slag. Instead I opted for my version of cutesy, hip hop, chic….and went with my Candy Kitten tshirt, mini denim skirt and FRILLY SOCKED yellow adidas Supercolors.


(Across town, Rich’s kicks..and if you didn’t know Katty is Rich’s girlfriend….and well his kicks were waiting for their hot date with my spanky new kicks…)

Right, so I arrived at Xcsape, filled with beans and excitement, just looking for cocktails and fun. I love Katty because we’re both quite naturally inappropriate by accident…so we get along quite well. Nothing is too rude or too sweary. Plus, she had invited other friends along, Emily and Chelsea…so it was awesome, because usually when that happens….girls turn naughty. My theory is that, when there’s two of you, the girls play normal and talk about love or work. When there’s three…two of the girls are naughty, leaving one girl out to be sensible…when there’s all goes downhill and fun and we were on that slippery slope, because after our first cocktail, BEFORE we even got seated…we were so inappropriately loud regarding topics that skimmed almost all levels of decency….and once the seating staff heard the words…’HEAVY PETTING,’

…we were sure we were moved upstairs for a reason. LOL. I couldn’t tell if it was the ‘retard table’ or VIP. Either way, it rocked. We got more cocktails, I copied Katty, we talked about Ben’s sex life and then I told them that we had snogged and felt each other up….lovingly ofcourse. 🙂 (It really was lovingly and not at all ‘just cos.’) I mean,  were talking about his exes and drinking cocktails that were set on fire, and well after stating that I did actually fancy Ben and would be dating him shortly…we then got our food, so it all went a bit quiet.

Now, if you’re a Yorkshire bird. A Ponty lass…as they say. YOU EAT! And when your food comes out to the table, it makes no difference who you’e with, what you’re talking about or the importance of the situation…you shut the fuck up…and you EAT! We did!

Once, we stuffed our faces with red meat…out of nowhere, we agreed that going to Benidorm for the weekend was a really great idea, as it would be so cheap, so sunny like Blackpool but better. Emily would burn. Katty would be dressed in all black and snarling. Chelsea would be scared and sensible…and i’d just have a neon thong on, with 2 umbrella cocktails in each hand, screaching.

More drinks were had. The bill was paid. Everyone was shocked at how ‘good value for money’ it was.

Then as we ventured to the taxi to go meet the boys..(who were across town getting pissed. Rich was getting hammered as we were eating red meat and Ben had told Rich that we had felt each other up…LOVINGLY, i said,) well our conversation turned ace but odd and before you know it we were selling stories to ‘Take a break’ about a Hamster inappropriately taking advantage of Emily..sexually…and simply because if a women who’s son turned into a FISH FINGER, after Aliens abducted him got into ‘Take a Break’ then Hamster sex could.

We initially planned to arrive in Pontefract STEAMING, to make the boys feel like they’re shit at fun. Instead, we got there…and RICH WAS STEAMING, (he had Reuben, Ben, Dale and Matt) with him…) to the point where he couldn’t see. Infact, he was soooo drunk at the end of the night, after calling me a ‘stupid slag’ (hahaha) and asking all the girls if we were moist to the Fifty Shades song…he..HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA….

..tried to stand up after being sat on a bench (we were all sat around) he must have misfooted his journey upwards, as he sort of …in the most pissed way ever.’ HAHAHAHAH….tripped up and launched backwards, into a brick wall, where he actually properly almost WINDED himself with a *thud* and landed on his bum, in a puddle. 🙂

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha (I’m not over it yet.)

The good thing is that our shoes, our kicks, our Supercolor massives actually DID end up on their first date….and did end up having a snuggle…


Our trainers *kissed* all night. Every time they passed, each other..they kissed. In doorways. On stools. Then Rich’s got pissed and fell in puddles, so Katty took Rich home. 😉

Everyone seemed to go home then.

The good thing is that I got to see Ben and chitter chatter with him over rum. It was cute. It was fun. We get along great. And well after everyone had had a few drinks, we went outside for a bit in the ‘smokers area’ and had a little kiss. It was all going well. I liked it.

Anyway, the ones that went home, went home, which left, Chloe, Ben, Matt, Reuben and I…to continued forward in the name of party. (We were all knackered but just fancied one more.)

Everywhere was shut. The boys thought Alleycazam’s would be open, so as they caveman tried to rush down there…I called the bar from afar and just asked them if they were open. See! Girls are smarter than boys. (When pissed. Lol)

Then these random 18 year old loser boys started making fun and sex noises at Chloe and I. I’m used to such behaviour as ignored it at first, but Chloe is feisty and Yorkshire…which I she turned around and expressed her anger to them appropriately 🙂

I think my shoed got made fun of, by unfashionable, unwashed teens and who then stated as the boys were FINALLY WALKING BACK UP that they had seen my ‘fanny.’ Lovely.

To the ‘Blacky Moor’ we headed. I really don’t love the Blacky Moor..aka ‘Ponty Tavern.’ Yet, if you don’t want to go to Biggies, it’s the open place open, so be it full of chavs, drunks and what looked like the cast of ‘Gypsy Wedding’….you sort of end up there.

More drinks were had. Loved hanging out with Chloe. It weird because we know of each other, but have never really properly hung out, so it was good. We all got drinks and as Ben’s back was turned…she gave the the ‘not selling Ben to you’ conversation, which actually helped A LOT. (I like it because it played to my ego and she kept calling me beautiful. I love girls with good taste! HAHA.)

Anyway, she told me that Ben probably couldn’t believe his luck..ahahah…and that he was the most wonderful boy that I could ever meet…as she’s known him for years.

After that we all went outside. Reuben was freezing and talking about wedging Telly Tubbies up his anus for money. Oh sorry..only ‘Po.’ Then he told me that he auditioned for ‘Bear Gryl’s’ Island show, yet after sending him a pretty erotic air guitar picture of him pretty much naked in the tiniest tinest short shorts int he world ever…he heard nothing. LOL. (Ponty is taking over by the way. We’re all ‘off your telly’ now.)

Anyway, for the first time publically, I sat on Ben’s knee and we were kissy and lovey dovey..which solidified what was happening, going to happen etc…etc…We made it pretty obvious..and it pretty much felt great.

More drinks. Got kicked out after last orders. Went to the Kebab shop because Reuben only came out so he could get a Raja’s kebab. Reuben’s hilarious and comes out with the most disturbingly hilarious moments that have occured in his life. For example…two guys once started on him inside Rajas Kebab he took all his clothes off and started growling..(he’s heavily tattooed also, which makes him look scary) and well he finished it off with..’they ran away…I mean nobody wants to fight a naked dude.’ PMSL! HAHAHAHA.

Okay…after Ben had his chips, we decided to exit the kebab shop, with a ‘We’re leaving to make out now. Cya.’

We’re both quite social so when we hang out with everyone we have a blast…but we try to balance it out with secret snogs or now open kisses and knee sitting.

We start walking towards Natwest and this tall Blond girl just literally stops, looks in shock..I’m worried that something has happened to her or she just needs a cig…but she instead points, says ‘Chrissie Wunna’ tells me how much she loves me, follows me on Instagram and reads my blog and then asks for a selfie with me!


Then we both said bye to her and did the Natwest cash machine,

Now, by now, I know Ben’s going to want to make out, and either do ‘lovey dovey’ or feeling each other up. I could feel it in the air. Plus, even though he denies it, he’s the champion at finding the single most DINGIEST SPOTS TO COP OFF IN, IN THE WORLD EVER.

I’m fucking CHRISSIE ‘GLAMOUR PUSS’ WUNNA. So Dodgy trucker car parks…dark alleyways, creepy dogging paths in the woods (i’ll tell you all about that in the next blog…that was last night) or dark scruffy corners behind Natwest banks, by poo, bin bags and wheely bins…are not my usual haunts for love making. 🙂

He said he intended on perching on the wall to call us both taxies..after snogging. But we ended up snogging yes, but i APPARENTLY *pushed* him down the dark slope of a shity hole corner, by bin bags…for ‘feeling up.’

Stuff happened and i’ll let you use your imagination because you’re good like that and well this isn’t a porn site. Close. But not really.

And well..i guess our passion just gets the better of us..and before you know it, it all gets really REALLY ‘passionate….so to speak and sometimes half rude. And I always say ‘half rude’ as we never FULLY do anything.

ANYWAY, we’re having gun, he has a boner, i’m completely turned on and we’re making out. Then out of nowhere he says, ‘Why are we waiting?’

I paused and replied with a ‘Waiting for what?’

‘Well us two..’

‘What dya mean? Us being together?’


‘Oh we’re waiting because you said you wanted tooo.’ (Note, previously when I had said to Ben during a make out moment ‘is this what i have to do, to make you mine,’ He replied with a ‘I’ve always been yours. 🙂 )

Anyway, where was I? Dark alleys, Public nudity, boners and…3 o clock in the morning…

He said..

‘Well if this is just going to happen every time’ (like the first time was a fluke or something…which is wasn’t at all for me. Lol)…’Well if this is going to happen every time, then why are we waiting?’

That was his way of doing the ‘be my girlfriend’ thing.

I looked at him. in my frilly socks…smiled…and even though things had got rude, in that moment things were oddly romantic. Hahaha. And I said just said, ‘Yes’ and agreed to be his. So, i’m now totally his girlfriend. I even laughed and said to him,…as I pulled my pants back up…’Wunna’s you’re bird. Hahaha.’

Then we got separate taxi’s home. But once i got home he verified that it was true and that he wasn’t single anymore…and I once again…assured him that he totally bagged a Wunna…and I actually really do love it.

We have fun, we get on well…i love him. I think he’s awesome!

So there you have it…that was Friday… come to you this evening…where I did Birthday cocktails with Hayley

and then our first ‘being together’ date with Ben!

Crazy innit, but true…and I do actually think it’s going to go well. Like he’s lovely to me and i adore him. Simples. It’s actually ‘out of nowhere’ ACE! It feels good and we’re doing the initial ‘hey we’re together’ thing.  And even though this all may sound quick, it’s actually been WEEKS of nothing at all happening…but chips and fucking off home separately.

I’m totally not even single anymore and who scored me…Ben Reall! Lol.

Next blog to come…


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