Gin Please

Okay, so this being ‘Tee-total’ (or however the hell you spell it,) is really starting to get on my tits. I’m not one for rules and virgin cocktails, so having to not drink, is rather ‘snooze-fest.’ I’m a believer that everything in moderation, (even midget sex) is the way forward and banning yourself from things…especially when you don’t have an addictive personality (and I don’t, i can take or leave anything, be it a doughnut, a wine, or a marriage) is to be labelled with a big juicy sticker of ‘WHATEVER.’

However, saying all that, i do know, it is good for me to refrain from boozing, as now i won’t die in a pool of my own vomit. I’ll go peacefully and quietly to the soothing sounds of sobriety. But for all of those who are messaging me, know that i am currently disgustingly ‘Tee-total’ because i HAVE to be, and not because i’ve woken up one morning and decided i need God, peace and lemonade in my life. It’s all for a good cause and well in February next year, i can crack open a big bottle of champers and guzzle it like a posh pirate in frillies! I don’t know, why i’m moaning because i am happy! Yet, i’d give anything for a glass of red right now. Even a sip! Nothing is better to me, than laughter, cocktails, a wink and a bit of *fun time.* This is the hardest thing i’ve ever done. GIVE ME WINE!!! My body runs on booze, this whole new life living with the entire abstinence of alcohol pretty much, (now what’s the scientific word?) Oh yeah ‘sucks!!!’ (God, Kim Kardashian is beautiful.)

Right now, i need to be getting showered, however i have strangers in my house who haven’t been bothered to greet me, (lol) lathering their *privates* in MY cubicle of cleaniness. Hopefully, they’ll leave, or i’ll just saunter in and terrify them with my girl toys and giddiness. Maybe, i’ll just bang on the door and scream at them aggressively, until i find someone else i can blame for the yelling. Who cares? I just want a wash! (I love how my gay friend, LOVED London Pride yesterday, to the point where he marched in a red cowboy hat, sprinkled in diamantes. By the end of the night, and after his ‘date’ (coz, i don’t know if it was a date, or just a friend) made out with another infront of him, he was a homophobe! LMAO! Isn’t it awful when you watch the person you fancy, who’s completely misled you into believing you have a chance with them, make out with another. You kinda act like you don’t care, or you laugh it off out of pride. I, in the past, have watched this foolery and *stormed* off. Make sure the people you don’t fancy, know that your just their friend. It’s hard when you’re a Glamour Puss, but the right thing to do! They’ll kick, they’ll scream, but if they’re decent, they’ll come around and be your buddy bud, in the end. Leading someone on, means Cupid will fuck with you and have you led on, in the exact same way. Believe me, i’ve lived it. Waking up in your own sick of ‘heart-broken’ ain’t too yummy.

[Oooh, i hear the bathroom door openning.] Finally! I can lather away my morning sins and gallop into the evening time with vigor and GREAT hair. (It’s been greasy all day. I hate having to do my own hair. Don’t you!) I need to mail my book to Helena tomorrow, for the publisher to skim over and adore. I don’t see why not? I mean, i love my life, as the Kitty Queen, dollop of deliciousness. I’ve created, magic, fun, love and feist and spread it to ‘beings’ all over the world, who enjoy a bit of ‘ooh laa.’

Pete was really funny last night. We made fun of other each other hours and he asked me what i would do, if i woke up one morning and found him randomly suckling my breast. (If, i’m being honest…how is that different to any other day? lol) He was humoured by the fact that the first thing i said to him when he woke up was not, ‘i love you, I need you, good morning,’ and instead was ‘Have you ever slept with a black girl?’ Welcome to our world! I’ve decided from this point on that He is the kitten who’s actually *oven bunned.*You have never seen a boy, feel symptoms MORE than this one! It’s hilarious! He’s flipping waddling around like he’s 8 months gone. HAHAHA. God, i NEED GIN! *Throws glitter through the air and grabs heels*

Follow ME!!! We’ll go places….

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