Why does the phrase
‘Down syndrome’ make me giggle? My mum kept repeating it at me…medically, over & over again, at 9.02am, whilst i was laid in the back of her silver Mercedes and i couldn’t help but piss myself. I always used to write into ‘Jim’ll fix it’ saying that i had it. I thought it would better my chances of me getting to meet him…so i could sit on his lap and have ‘cigar’ blown into my face. It didn’t work, so my mum had to take me to Disneyland instead. (Ho-hum.)
It’s finally snowing in Yorkshire. Christmas has arrived. I’ve shopped all day. It’s my 2 day birthday countdown and bitches…i feel FABULOU
S. I was trolloping around the Doncaster ‘French gate’ centre today. Lovely it was. All merry and warm, and filled with choirs made of snotty nose children eating boggies and salesmen who refuse to let me dodge them and then decide to curl my hair without my permission. (lol) Cheeky sod! If i’m trying to dodge you…play the game and ‘dodge’ me right back. It’s a fun little concept. Actually it was rather bizarre, as at the end of curling ONE part of my hair (thankyou for that, i looked like an 198o’s loner) i threw out an awkward (lie lie lie) ‘Look i have to go … !’ (*runs away in fear*) And he replied with a Bye honey ‘Bye Chrissie!’ Psychic much! Which reminds me, i talked to my spiritual advisor last night. I do have one…a good one, that i adore. I’m very much into the whole spirtual therapy. It’s helped me through the hardest of times and i’m a girl who’s had nothing but emotionally hard, yet deliciously lovely times in life. But fuck yeah…i survived it! Now…PA S S ME MY FUR!! (*strut-strut/hip bump/pout*) If you can’t blame your upbringing…blame it on the stars! If you can’t blame the stars…ya F*****!
I met a lot of ‘Wunna Fans’ out and about today…which i adore during Crimbo time. When it’s nearly my birthday, i’m a great deal less bitchy. I believe it’s because i’m constantly boozed up in heels…falling around. You foolishly think, i’m hugging you. You’re really actually just propping my old (but pretty) ass up. But yes, i loved meeting everyone. Infact, my Attention Whore ‘All about ME’ nature, makes me love it far to much. I pretty much butted Wunna Family members out of the way, so i could meet people. You can say what you want…but i’m the girl who has time for everyone, (apart from the various boys i’m currently avoiding…hahaha…i) and well i think that’s a jolly ass quality! My main fans were mums today! I LOVE mums and mainly because i want to be one quite quite badly. Lots of cuddles from Mothers of Others who believe i’m doing a job! (Note: My own mother is already fed-up of me. Luckily, there’s 42 other mums who’ll have me. There’s photographic evidence and everything. That’ll teach you for leaving me at an ice-cream van as a 5 yr old, and forcing me to sell cabbages with gypos, until you found me. ‘bloody gret’ ‘Where’s Chrissie? Oh fuck, i’ve lost her.’ Great parenting. No wonder i get my B’Jeebers out for a living! *Cries into pillow…then kicks things in an ape like fashion.*)
There were also quite a few hot male stallions littering my glorious pathway. I love you all. I had a bit of eye talk with one certain ‘candy,’ for a whole 4 seconds. However, he had a girlfriend…and well The Wunna doesn’t play that way. I need to be taken. I want a boyfriend. Y’know, someone i can look after and love and ‘adventure’ with. It will keep me out of trouble. (Are you listenning boys??) Anyway, I adjusted my boobs, hair tossed and strutted on. (I’m getting a flashback of ‘The Royal Variety’ last night! Didn’t the ballroom dressed orchestra look pissed…especially this one saucy ‘floozey’ who was blowing on her trumpet a little too eagerly for a 40 year old. Darling Piss head she was, in a ten times too big frock! A woman after my own heart! Pass me my trumpet….infact AND some fucking CAKE!)
Today has also been a day (among the Xmas spirit, whilst dragging my bags of goodies, perfumes,and ego across shopping centre malls) of trying to figure what ‘Full frontal snogging’ is exactly. Anyone know? if you do, please enlighten me. I was under the misconception that I was the Queen of all ‘sexy’ nonsense. Yet it seems i can’t quite decide whether ‘Full Frontal snogging’ is simply two naked people (with their fronts out…snogging) or whether it’s two unvirginedvaginas, a sloppy kissing, or finally whether it’s two boys making the ends of their willies *kiss* like little meaty, fleshy…piglets. Piglets? Haha…who have i been sleeping with? Lord help me. I have issues!
I want cigars, champagne and brandy for my birthday. (And that’s ‘Brandy’ as in booze and not as in songstress.)