I didn’t go to work today. I couldn’t. I’ve actually been told that I’m meant to be on a week’s bed rest, but I haven’t done that and instead called work and told them that I’d be back tomorrow. (Bad I know. But what can ya do. 🙂 )
Sometimes getting back into the swing of things is better. Things are changing for me so positively now, that i’m moving forward constantly and keeping life going.
Today, I feel free. I got home. I hugged, cuddled and loved my babies! I have literally missed them SO MUCH. Ruby and Junior are my entire world!!! I love them. Ruby was filled with ‘I love you Mum’s’ and gave me flowers. Junior kissed me non stop, but super missed GRANDMA. Lol.
Life just feels like it’s got back to normal. This has been the first day in MONTHS, where in which i have internally felt myself. I’m eating properly. I don’t feel groggy, ill or sick. I feel FREE. I feel happy. I still have pills running through my system, so i’m emotional and i’m still bleed for a few weeks, but lightly. But i’m free and it’s awesome because I honestly felt trapped in this bubble of negative energy, but i didn’t let it get to me too much, I always pushed it downward and heaved myself up over it! I AM A TOUGHIE!
With the end to that…I emotionally put an end to last relationship. I haven’t really spoken to him in weeks…and it hasn’t felt so bad. I just think that he didn’t really make enough of an effort in our relationship, emotionally, romantically or at all financially. I mean, if he did any of those…it would of been something. But he just didn’t and for a girl like me…ROMANCE is everything. He didn’t even get a Valentines card. Plus, paying sometimes…would be kind. We did a lot of stuff together, but i was the one that instigated, organized and paid for all that. I mean I don’t mind, because it’s done now….yet I want to get treated.
Plus, I went through all this, which involved him, it was our child…all by myself because he was nowhere and if I can do that, then I don’t really need him and girls always want to NEED their partner. It’s sexy. When I talked about being ill, he told me that i was being ‘Me, me, me.’ Hmm? He’s not a bad guy, I just need someone maturer and sort of more manly. I needed support during everything. He’s been really selfish. He was good with Junior…but i’m not sure what else he really invested into the relationship? I’m not sure he is…. Lol.
I’m on a rest day and i have rested! I’ve chatted to you all, so THANK YOU SO MUCH for all your messages and words of love! I appreciate it. I’m looking forward to booking the forest this Summer. I’m back at work tomorrow. I’ll be shattered, but whatever it’s one day! Plus, it’s almost payday.
I’ve seen both Keiran and Pete today. Both were lovely and both offered to look after the children, so I could relax today, since i’m headed back to work early. Both boys seem happy now, which makes co parenting much easier. I’m much happier too, as I don’t love anything more than being just ME and the babies. I’m always open to relationships, but i know exactly what I want…so i’m quite a hard pull. Like I said, it’s all about flickers and sparks…plus, i’ll know straight away.
I’ve had noodles. I’m chilling. I’m happy. I’m ready for everything and ofcourse anything…
That’s about it!
Happy Good Friday!