Flashbacks, Tabs & Scruffy Mums


The work part of today was looooong! The fun part of the day was FUN, yet massively distracting. I mean, if i have better things to organize or have fun with…my heart will be taken by it, to the point where everything else blurs out into the distance. I’m like that with boys, jobs, infact all sorts. I just have a one track mind and when my mind is set on something…that’s it, i’m going for on all four cylinders….it’s MINE. (And when i enter that zone, i am this unstoppable, glittery, thunderbolt of glorious passion, that is dashed in sweet madness and ‘ooh laa.’)

Anyway, the work day was boring because i had nothing to do. I did a lot of other stuff…but gosh my soul was drained today. Hahaha.

If i’m distracted, i just can’t concentrate and start tossing it off. I have a dandy bit (all good) on my mind with the eyelash line going on, that i’m trying to ‘tick box’ the pleas of everyone who may need a bit of Wunna in their life…and well i enjoy it…i don’t mind thepressure…infact, i’m sexy under pressure. However, it does mean the mindless bit of ‘everyday’turns tedious to me. I’m a chick who’s  looking to the stars…and i’m getting there slowly but surely. I just can’t embrace ‘going through the motions’ very well. I’m a lioness, dipped in ‘kitten’ courtesy. It’s passion all the way…so yes,the work part of today was loooooong. Everything about me  is exciting. Even i feel it and don’t know what’s up?? Lol! I’m obviously very loud chatty and emotionally, yet notice that i’m only ever open with emotion if it’s positive and happy. Any negative kind of emotion, be it anger or weepy…is done privately and away from everyone else, in my own time. I am NEVER the girl at the bar, crying over everything and that’s not because i’m strong, it’s just because i’m too emotionally insecure to let you see me weep. HAHAA.

Anyway, yesterday, I was meant to tell you….whilst I was in Doncaster, en route to The Georgian Tea Rooms…I saw this what looked like 11 year old girl, with her scruffy looking, Mum and Dad. Her mum looked like an alchy and her dad seemed quiet and calm. But the mum was rambling on about how she was sick of her daughter following her around all the time and that she needed space, so she was trying to make her go home on a bus all my herself, just so she could….well score some drugs so it seemed.

I was walking by and i had sort of listened to the whole thing, as I spent the majority of their ‘chitter’ behind them. (Being glamourous.)

Now, i can’t stand families like this because it makes me feel for the children more than anything. I’m naturally a giver. I’m naturally caring and loving, even if i play with off with wiggling and winking. So to see how fed up her Mum was with her, and to see her trying to palm her 11 year off on a bus on her own devastated me.

Then as I walked by…i heard the girl say to her mum,

‘You’re my MUM. YOU’RE MEANT TO BE LOOKING AFTER ME. I want you to come with me. NOT SEND ME ON MY OWN on a bus. You’re meant to care for me Mum.’

Awful.. awful..awful….and i mean it was bad enough that she was dressed in a white Homer Simpson tshirt, black Reebok joggers, with a double red stripe down them, trainers and a pink frozen long sleeved top, that she had tied around her waist! That broke my heart before anything. 🙂

But on a more serious note…and when i’ve stopped being a twat…when i walked passed, with my heart all an aching, i actually stopped and looked back…when i did and when i thought wouldn’t see, she paused and made this CRAZY eye contact with me. It was like he single most heated moment of energy, where in which we both just glared…in a trance….like weirdos..at each other.

She looked me up and down, like i was some glammy, odd,  being of love…and I smiled at her warmly…like she was going to be okay. And just as she smiled back…her scruffy mum…grabbed her arm, started screaming at her for whatever she wanted to yell at her at and just like that our energy got cut off. *Snap.*

It sort of woke me up and i just walked on….but i felt for her.

I mean…when all is going well..the worst thing you can do is let that ‘scruffy mum arm’…whatever your ‘scruffy mum arm’ may represent get the better of you…as it can change everything in your life, within a second. I mean, honestly if her Mum and Dad weren’t there (and this may sound creepy) i probably would have spoken to her, given her some cash, told her she was ‘beautiful’ or even bought her an outfit. I mean, don’t put it passed me. Lol. I’m an idiot like that. I’ve done it lots. In New York, I once invited a homeless guy to my breakfast table and bought him a full breakie, simply because the staff had refused to serve him. A little bit of Wunna charm and he’s sat with me…eating…like a pig might i add…but still… he was happy. Lol.

Now, I don’t know why? But that story has just triggered a flash back of the time i was in LA, with Mike (first hubby), Tyler, Pat, Louise, My cousin Nicola, Timmy, Greg..and well loads of people. WE had all decided to have a night out, after acting class, at The Saddle Ranch, On sunset, because they do giant cocktails in vases, saloon style and you can ride a bucking bronco.

For some reason we ordered LOADS. We drank loads…and well i was really goodie, goodie, ebcause I was under the watchful eye of Mike, who was lovely, yet possessive…as in, if i went to the loo, he would make one of his friends walk with me and wait outside the entrance, until I returned from my wee. HAHAHA. It’s funny because we were just kids. We were 22.

Anyway, someone came up with this right idea that FOR FUN we were all going to run out on our tab (i know, it’s not funny at all…but when boys are drunk they think it is in LA…and we were young.) I got scared that I’d get left, so i had to go with it…This guy from Detroit, Timmy, who had this girlfriend who kept snoring…got the car and had it ready outside the bar, ready for everyone to jump in it. The place was really busy…and one by one we legged it into the car…It all went wrong and we all got scared and i guess me must have all legged it at the same time, because it felt like everyone running towards the car at once….to LOCKED DOORS because Timmy  (worst getaway car ever) forgot to open them, then once he did, we had to squeeze into the car, because it only had two doors…HAHAHA. It was like a Benny Hill scene..but with clothes on.

Basically, it all went tits up and I felt guilty, so Mike and I paid for it all…which we should’ve done in the first place on MY DAD’S credit card, that i was a second user on! HAHAHAHA. (I remember when my dad looked at his statement back in England, he called me asking me what ‘The saddle ranch’ was as he thought i’d taken up horse riding. Lol. Awww!)

Even though that moment was naughty, it kinda doesn’t matter now, because well Mike ended up being a movie star, meaning he could buy The Saddle Ranch if he wanted…and well I could pay that tab easey peasy….like hundreds of times over, with donkies on my back. It’s just a fun stupid moment…that is always better than the time i woke up with a traffic cone taped to my head, or in County jail. 🙂

Life you life, learn from your mistakes. Be good, but don’t be too good to those who don’t deserve it. If you’re privileged, try not to be a tool. It’s baby steps, i know…but fuck it, being kind is awesome.

Moments make a lifetime worth it.

Both babies have fallen asleep…i’m off to make a home gin. x

Love you,











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