Woke up this morning to the soothing sounds of Cliff Richards ‘Mistletoe and Wine’ song. Hilarious! It was meant to piss me off…yet and ofcourse, I found it hilarious. Infact, I then went on to watch the video. It’s not as magical as i had remembered and more terrifyingly ‘low budgetly odd.’ I couldn’t sleep at all last night, as my ‘otherside of the pillow’ was snoring. It sounded like the butt cheeks of the fattest pig in all of the land, clapping together repeatedly. Yet on the up side, a lot worse could be happenning. I could be getting felt up by a bunch of boney fingered chimps, all cheeky and chummy..so i’m counting myself lucky! It’s sunny today. I don’t get it? It’s meant to be December? Where’s my tea? I’m in pyjamas with giant cupcakes on!! LOVING IT!
I’m having these bizarre flashbacks of a boy i know back in LA. I have to talk in code, as we have so many secrets together, but i’ll call him ‘Fitting Room.’ I don’t know why i’m thinking about him so much, but i think it’s because we have so much unfinished business, and kind of made a baby sexual history for ourselves…only to disappear from each others lives. We were soooo naughty and no-one knows but us. Crazy! I use to work with him, and we basically have the craziest sex stories to tell. I think of all the times we just ended up laying there naked in his sheets staring at one another. All the times, he would drive by my appartment at 1 am and not leave until i came out and played. He even slept in a bush! All the lies we told. All the times i’ve stood in a room with him, and pretended like nothings ever happened. So funny! Don’t get me wrong. He’s an arse. It’s not a ‘love connection’..we basically used each other for sex and it was ages ago. We’re as bad as each other. More partners in crime. If i’m being honest, i did want him to love me…(hahah…girls always do,) yet he never did. Well he never let on that he did. Clever! It all started in a ‘fitting room.’ He told me to help him with his bandana. And with fear in his eyes showed me his penis!! (Hahahahaha!) I wonder what he’s up too?
It’s weird how, there’s all these boys that i’ve had close sexual relations with, who never took me seriously at the time because I was the girl who was apparently ALWAYS gonna break their heart, so it wasn’t worth investing too much emotion..as you’d end up getting that thing that beats, plunged out of your chest and trodden on with hot pink stillettos. So i didn’t take them too seriously, as they would never dare let on that they actually really fancied me. Now, they’re all complaining and this is years afterward…about how ‘Chrissie Wunna’ broke their precious little heart!! But at the time there was no exchange of flowery hearts, just winks, bodily fluid and bedroom secrets. Oh and maybe a …’i’m just not looking for a serious relationship’…(by them.) You can’t break someones heart, if they never openly gave it to you. So please stop moaning.
Chrissie Wunna x