Fan Phone, Flu and Penis-cillin

Okay so life is good right now. I’m booking work and well i’m being invited everywhere simply based on the fact that I’m an ‘Attention Whorey- life & soul, with a naughty disposition.’ People are paying and inviting me to appear at parties in Castles, clubs, Palaces and Prime Ministers (haha loong story.) Parties in homes, hotels, places & pants! I am loving my life and i’ve managed to cleverly windle my way into having the occupation of ‘Good time gal.’ I mean i don’t know much, but i sure as hell know how to have a good time!! And now i can do it at the expense of others! Yippeeeeeeeeeee!! I work and pose in the day and attempt to do that ‘writey book’ thang. Then at night i ‘shimmie my shakers’ at a joint near you for camera phones, hungry eyes and my own tragic ego. Collect a cheque with a side of Greatness and strut away to my next chapter!!! All this has only just started to happen. I’ve created my ‘Hollywood life’ here and i’m loving it. Britain is now growing on Me. But I don’t let anything grow on me for too long. Gives me the ‘heebie jeebies’ and a rash.

I’m meant to be calling a boy right now, but i’m choosing to do this first. I dont know why boys demand that i should call them? It’s a way of making me prove that i ‘love’ them or something? I mean, surely they should be calling ME! I have things to do like relax, lie, cheat and steal, then pout at my image in spoons. Everyone’s always guessing my character, or simply being mad at me. Infact, even my friends are getting pissed off that i’m currently answering my ‘Fan Phone’ ( still cracks me up…i WILL get over myself) more than i do my actual phone. Tragic much? How rude of them. (Lol.) The ‘fan phone’ caters to my needs.  I love it. Plus i don’t get verbally abused. I get ‘text messaged’ poems about Penis! Oh how i loved that one!!!! I’m getting the cutest calls from baby sized twins, Mothers and misfits and i’m feeling rather well worshipped. Therefore no doubt someone’s gonna rain on my parade shortly (rolling eyes)as i do get the odd flurry of ‘hate mail’ depending on where my adventures have taken me. ‘(Note: If you’re of the country of Burma and calling me a ‘ slut’ for putting our country on the map and doing well in life…then please do kindly FUCK OFF. It’s smarter for you to join my band of sexy troopers and feel inspired..than it is to fight it. Don’t fight the feeling lovers! lol.Go with it.) Anyway, I’ve gotten burped at. I’ve gotten squealed at and ‘Fan Phone’ is a ringing right now. I even have a  sexy secret admirer and people who do ‘duck’ noises. I’m also giving people foolish love life advice. Look at the state of mine! I’m not really too good at the advice thang. Bottom line… Best.Thing.Ever!

Not much else to report except my kittens are amazing. All they do is be palm sized, fight each other like maniacs and purr….I LOVE them. My exes are trying to saunter back into my life, all 19 of them and well ‘Latin Lover’ is being the most understanding of treats! Oh and ‘Jonny’ is now over me because i told him i used to be married. He did that voice, where i break the news and ‘boy in question’ pretends they are 100% overly and completely okay with it. ( Hahaha!) He’s a decent guy i think? I just dont know too much about him apart from he’s in a boyband, from Manchester, claims to be violent and moody at times and slept with an ex 2 weeks ago. (My Favourite.)

I’ve godda go. I need my pills! My throats still sore. All  ‘Penis-cillin’ jokes, kindly accepted.

3 thoughts on “Fan Phone, Flu and Penis-cillin”

  1. If he is in a boy band, he sucks cock!! U know, i know and he knows it! Boy bands are all raving irons! But it makes me laugh how out of all of the bands.. only one comes out and the others have ‘trophy’ birds but everyone knows they love it up there ‘gary.’ i hope u have a good night though treacle


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