Ended Up In A Castle

Yeah, so what were YOU doing at 5am this morning. Half of the nation was still merrily tucked up in bed, others may have been about to ‘wakey wakey’ for an 8 hour shift at work, some may have been simply staring up at the ceiling wishing for better times…

I…(at 5am this morning) was getting escorted out of a CASTLE, by a bundle of approximately 8 police men, with Jay from S Club Juniors, a boy i call ‘Taurus’ (who likes to lick nipples) and Steve the paparrazi man…who tried to force his body upon me. Big Brother Rex, was being held in another room being yelled at by his Father, in a’ This Is It’ T-shirt, after breaking into his own home via a window leap and bringing people home. HAHA! Jay, Taurus, Steve & I were sitting in what looked like a beautiful medieval lounging area, all lush it was, under a ginormous chandelier and next to a room that was a rather grand dinner area (like something out of Harry Potter) that had a proper crown perched on the table of exquistness…We each (well apart from Steve the Paparazzi, who accidentally ended up with us, after leaping into our moving taxi. He was terrified he’d catch AIDS. I remember he kept saying that. A delicious piece of homophobe he was.)

All i’m gonna say is, you know you’ve had a good night when firstly the Police are here, you’re in a castle (by accident) and someone in the room is saying ‘I’d suck him off, for ALL of this!’ HAHAHA! I love how paparazzi guys are all ‘mayhem mayhem’ on the streets, but when they’re actually in someones home, they turn all quiet, horny and rubbish at their job. I think it’s because all of a sudden their life turns from ‘picturing‘ the party, to BEING AT the party. Steve kept telling Rex he wasn’t famous to piss him off. Haha. But i did figure, well why are you in this taxi and erm…why are you in his house?

My night actually started out with me NOT wanting to go out. I’d worked all day, felt rough, a bit haggard, then IN flow in a stream of BBM’s from Boyband Jonny (who’s being mean to me right now, coz he’s in a bad mood, due to having a ‘shit day’..which he needs to get over coz everyone has shit days) who wanted me to go to Freedom Bar to watch a music showcase. Jay ‘From SClub Juniors’ (i love his title lol) and ‘Taurus‘ were both going to be there, so after a chain of bbm bullying, i gave in, began to get dolled up like a true Glamour pussy, grabbed my red corset/leopard print bra (*hair toss*) and told Big Brother Rex to go. (He had wanted to meet me for a drink earlier..but i couldn’t make it, so well…we all basically ended up at Freedom Bar in Soho.) I had NO VOICE..which i hate because i over compensate with ‘tits out’ and bad humour. I was not liking ‘NO VOICE’ one bit, as i kept meeting all these yummy ‘handsomes’ throughout the day, yet couldn’t talk to them, due to the fear of them believeing my NO VOICE, was my REAL VOICE, and therefore maybe believing that i was a Tranny. It’s hard times. Haha. (*Kitty wink wink*)

I honestly didn’t think much was gonna come of the night. It always happens that way, doesn’t it! (Woohoo) Got to Freedom, met Taurus and Rex on the way outside Madame Jo jo’s. Jay ‘from SClub Juniors’ was inside with Boyband Jonny (they are actually in a band togther now) and well, we watched a bit of live music in a small dark room. We all claimed we weren’t going to drink, (yet the organiser gave me drinks tokens..)..Long story short, Jonny went home, (he was not really feeling it all night, because he had some scary tooth surgery thing in the morning) and well the rest of us had rum. 😉

After RUM…and shit they were strong, we all make the executive decision to carry on partying. You know how you’re only just getting drunk, but the place is closing and its annoying because you want to ‘shimmie the town pink.’ Well yeah…we had more rum, then Taurus, Rex, Jay and I wobbled over to ‘O bar‘ for a pitcher of red stuff. Nice in there it was. We had a bit of a banter. Sat down. Chilled. Everyone kept saying i had farted. Rex decided i’d make a good agent, coz i’m ballsy and full of ‘UMPH’ and pitched myself to a preducer via text, whilst pissed and partying….CHAMPION. Taurus wanted to move on to the next venue and Jay hand on heart swore that this year, his resolution was to DRINK MORE! At one point i remember us stating we were going to take a helicopter to Liverpool for a party?

We ventured through the night to Pre-bar. CLOSED! I didn’t relaize how late it was. But fuck it, with my moral guidance, we arm in arm struggled our way to G-A-Y Late ( i go all the time, coz it’s convenient, even though everyone thinks it’s because i’m a big fat lesbian.) I’m not a lesbo, i’m a fag hag…don’t get it twisted bitches. HAHA. I do adore lesbians…i just don’t sleep with them. Haha. I did keep feeling the need to shout that at people, every few minutes, and tell them i was a slag??? This is what happenes when pitchers are £3.50. Now i know what it feels like when a straight guy gets called ‘gay’ when he’s not. It makes you all defensive! lol

Rex, being the Pimp daddy that he is, buys each of us some multi coloured pitcher of booze EACH and we drink them merrily, whilst dancing tio The Spice Girls, whilst being noticed by everyone (which i love.) Everyone was quite shocked to see Rex in there and well they’d talk to him and hate him…hahaha…due to his bastard drunk ways. Everyone ADORED my little JAY -‘from SCLUB Juniors’, he was properly famous that last night. LOl. It was ace. I was taking pictures for him, with all his fans. I marketted him well that evening. HAHAA! I then baby made out with (not properly properly but kissed) the cutest most beautiful little gay man, (who i know and see all the time) because him and his friends we’re having a make out competition! Snogging me was worth 15 points! Woohoo! I love Monday nights out.

Lots more drinking, lots more drinking. Infact, it seemed the whole night became about Me, Rex, Jay and Taurus, getting trashed and being GREATNESS! I loved every minute of it! I’ve never seen these boys have so much fun. He had about 4 more pitchers each and shots and everyone all over us and Britney on in the background and Rex trying to make out with each of us. I kinda wished Boyband jonny had come, because he would’ve loved it. But ah..well…at the same time, i kinda liked getting to know the boys better…under Wunna Rules! I loved everyone i met. Taurus, danced away…terrible pissed. Jay commited to an 8 count dance break..and i gota drink poured down my back, was frantically mopped up by gays, (aww) they Rex got into a proper fight and began strangling a random loser boy, who was straight, but in G-A-Y, hitting on me…but gay bashing. YOU CAN’T GAY BASH IN G-A-Y. After punching, annoying people, loving life and jiggery pokery, security came, removed the nuisance, (not me…i’m the ‘sexy’ nuisance’  they allow those ones in,) more drinking happened. Infact, by this time the bar man was giving us pitchers for FREE. INFACT, i remember walking in and not having to pay…simply because the beauty at the door, gave me the  ‘she’s all good’ nod. It was hilarious, they just saw me all tarshed and thought, ‘just let that slag in.’ lol

Can’tremember what happened, but it began late, and we had more pitchers of fruity delight. It really was like a willy wonka cocktail factory. We all had different flavours and magic….that fucked us up. One minute the lights are up, the next minute a guy is grabbing my hand on the way out, and pulling me outside. All of a sudden Steve the Paparazzi man is there, yelling things at me. There’s cigarettes, confusion, REX GETS HIS COCK completely OUT (again.) We all enjoy that moment. Infact, i believe Taurus said ‘make that shit hard bitch!’ LMAO! Jay…licked his lips…and well i thought it was quite meaty. But really it takes a lot to impress me. I have willy offered to me regularly…i’m immune to the ‘flob’out and ‘wiggle.’

Not sure how we all ended up in a cab to Hampstead….but we did. The cab begins to set off…we’re all crammed in and Steve the paparazzie dude jumps in for the ride. We end up inside a Castle. A BIG ONE, sittin glike Kings and Queens all terrified, bullying each other, farting, wanting to go on magicalmystery tours and verbally abusing…well maybe more sexually abusing Steve the Paparazzi man. Nipple licking went on. A Father came down. The Police came down. (This is after hours) we’re each escorted out, and heaped onto the streets of Hampstead, at 5am…LAUGHING OUR ASES OFF at how we ended up in a castle. Infact, i was having the most amazing time.

OMG, it was hilarious. We dragged each other all happy and drunken, pointing at peoples mansions and just fucking crackin up under the stars. Loved this memory! Then we all kinda realized we had to get home and noone of us knew how? We were trapped in the middle of a residential area, at 5am..trying to find a bus stop.

I was fine. Camden’s like a stop away from there. Jay was fucking HILARIOUS! (We have the same awful sense of humour.) And ‘Taurus’ (my cutie) was defending my honour by bitching out Steve the paparaazi man who kept following me and insisting he was going to stay at mine. (‘Oh honey…i don’t think so.’)

Wunnaful night had by all. Infact, everyone feels great today too! I’m excited. I’m feeling sexy. I’m filled to the brim with mischief and i’m ready to take on life once more. LIVE it bitches. Cheer up! Love what you have. Make your mark!! My behaviour is currently being monitored so i’m having to go…but i adore you all. It’s all about The Wunna…meiow! 😉

(I actually don’t feel sick at all now. I partied my sickness out. Now, i’m only sick in all the good ways! Bring life on bitches. Mess with me. I ‘mess’ back!)



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