I’m currently wondering why i’m not drunk. I feel like a little afternoon tipple with lunch. However my cupboard is bare and therefore this little Glamour puss of ‘Ooh laa’ shall have to face the merry afternoon stone, cold sober. (She looks up to the sky, sticks her middle finger up at The Lord, then pouts, giggles and gets on with her day.)
I feel amazing today. I feel sexy, mysterious, like i’m running my shit with a violently powerful ‘va voom.’ Everything is just going right and i think it’s because i’m happy….(or i really AM good at giving all the right people blow jobs.) I think sexiness should always be celebrated, with wiggles, boob jobs, winks and ofcourse sex. So for my victory lap, i made my secret ‘den of masturbation’ and had a dandy little ‘fiddle in the middle.’ I have sexuality oozing out of my pores right now. I can’t get enough. But why complain? Free dinners here i come! You’ll learn not to be ‘virgins,’ girls!!
I spent all of last night watching Claire from fucking ‘Steps’ trying to lose weight for her wedding on TV. I found it quite hilarious, as no matter what she did, she just kept getting fatter! She even had burgers at her wedding. You don’t have bloody burgers at your wedding!! My eyes were glued to the screen. I’m obsessed with Claire from ‘Steps’ weight now. She went from a 16 to a 12, but you just know shes probably an 18 right now. I’m stalking her weight.
I’m also pissed off with people having a go at me for having an overly inflated EGO. I’m fucking AMAZING! I deserve an ego. I think i’m the best Glamour Puss/Blogger/Nuisance i know and i’ll sing it from the rooftops, you slags! (Pass me my cocktail!) There’s nothing wrong with being a bit cocky (oh-er.) I’m a show man. It’s good to know you’re AMAZING. There needs to be a lot more of it methinks, instead of these insecure quivering wrecks of humble excuses.What happened to all the feisty, no-nonsense, ‘uber femme chicks, with a dangerously sexy disposition?? Just because you pretend to be humble, doesn’t mean you ARE!! I really am the best person i know. There’s no-one like Me. Some call it ‘ego’…i call it FACT! You all need to lighten up a little, enjoy life, stay positive and beable to laugh at yourself. I don’t take myself seriously. But you probably should. (lol) No really, i simply mock myself constantly. Don’t take me seriously, just give me a good old kick in the googlies. I’ll slap you, but it will be worth it. (Sizzle!)
I’m also managing to get children yelled at during their classes in school. I guess they’ve been chatting to me on facebook, or looking at my ‘jubblies’ online instead of learning their A, B, C’s. The teachers are being up tight and throwing them all out of class. I’m banned from being viewed in most schools. Its awesome! I told one boy who’s gay, and therefore not interested in seeing my boobies, that he didn’t need exams, if he wanted to be a ‘Superstar’….and it’s true. Then another young Sweetheart, (who was reading my blog mid ‘Media’ class) stated that the answer to Question 4 was ‘Sexual.’ Her teacher kicked her out. So i guess this is the point where I tell you kiddies that ‘School really is Cool’ and it is. Yet mainly for all the pre-pubesent innocent school boys. I’d love to rummage in their pencil cases! (wink wink.)
Other than that i’ve quite excitedly been informed from a drunk, that inside the Mens toilets in ‘Yates’ bar, they sell vibrators and cock rings. AMAZING! We have a SCORE!!! Who’d have thought!! I once bought a orange, prickly cock ring, and a tube of lube in a West Hollywood sex shop, with Hilary Duffs face on. ‘Latin Lover’ and i tried to use it that night. Yet we didn’t quite understand, what we were supposed to do with it? It didn’t vibrate very well (it was on it’s last legs) and was forcefully squidged down his cock, all kinds of wrong. I remember he got all panicky at one point (you could see the sheer fright in his face) because he thought he had lost his BALLS!! (Hahahha!) I was PISSING myself. He made me laugh so much, (Just the thought of him all ‘Latin’ laying there starkers, with a giant boner and a bright orange cock ring, half buzzing on his willy) that i guided him into my chocolate highway…but only because i was fooled by happiness….and a bit drunk. (And you wonder why i’ve had eleven proposals!) Classy!