So spring has sprung, Easter is on it’s way, and i have just been informed that at this time 20 years ago, i was being fooled into giving my bottle to the Easter Bunny.
In case you’re not with me on this one, i sucked on my baby bottle, from being born, until i was 7 yrs old!! haha! I did!! I was never breast fed, as my mum claims, she tried to put her boob in my mouth, from her lowly hospital bed, and i immediatley shunned her nipple, whilst saying, ‘ Um, no bitch, please!’ Therefore, a baby bottle, full of milky formula, was wedged into my mouth, and i guess, i enjoyed noshing it SO much, ( yes sir, neck it girl) that i just couldn’t give it up!! Hence, my current ‘cock-sucky’ lips, and it still being in my mouth at 7 years old!!! And i do have ‘cocky sucky lips’ ask Rudes! When i have them (my lips) done up, and i strut around Hollywood, well 3rd and La Cienega. Men will stare at my mouth intensely, and it’s almost as if, they are about to jab their Mcjuicy into my lippage, due to a force beyond their means!!! It’s hilarious!! I call them my secret weapons!!
Anyway, back to Easter. I loved Easter bunny, as there was always some giant ‘hoo-harr,’ like magical giant bunny feet, from my bed, to my presents, or whatever, and i had promised my mother, that today was the day, I was going to pass on my bottle ( already had a drinking problem at 7) and fetish, to the Easter Bunny’s Bitch.
So i took it from my sloppy (ooooh) mouth, passed it to a ginormous (yayur!) man, who smiled at my mother, and placed it into the back of his massive (Mmmmm…) truck thing.
Which translates as, she flipping made me, give up my bottle, (sucky sucky teet, teet) to a dirty dustbin man (trash collector), who lobbed it into the back of his van, (dirty bastard) and drove off. UGH!!! See rehab was much easier then. You just confiscated the goods, threw them into the back of your van, and whilst your driving off, you gave’em the old razzle dazzle middle McFlip off!! ( Say no to crack Amy Winehouse!!)
Sad boring story, i know, and i don’t quite know what posessed me to tell it, but there you go….Happy flipping Days!!! I should ruin Easter for everyone, and give all childrens bottles to Bin men to chuck out. Yet, i’m sure there’s not that many, 13% retarded, 7 year olds, like moi, still on the teet drip. ( note: if you do so happen to be a 7yr old, still on your bottle and reading this. You are not retarded, just ‘Special,’ like me.)
Now go out and get wasted, whilst i go prim and prune, in the Wunna Mansion!!! It’s time for a drinky and some fun fun fun!!
Love you my Darlings!!