Okay so last Friday was a really busy day for me. I had worked my pretty bum bum off all Thursday into the early hours of the wee morning, only to have a couple hours McShut-eye, wake up at 7am travel to Barnsely to have a bit of a ‘spill the beans’ and steal 3 mugs of coffee, then jump on a train to Leeds (i love leeds) to go visit the ‘Yorkshire Evening Post’ who had kindly invited me to come and take part in a Live Web Chat (that loads of you attended in Cyberland.) I love the Yorkshire Evening Post. They’ve been very good to me. People get so caught up in their own tragic world, that they forget how important their local press is!
Okay, i didn’t really know what to expect, as i’ve never actually been IN a newsroom. I’ve been ‘the news’ a lot (haha,) yet have never actually taken the time to go see how all the magic works. I think i was expecting some grotty little room of an office crammed to the brim with dusty folders that dated back to 1902. HOW WRONG I WAS!! This place was massive. I had to sign in and pass gated security and everything. It was like a movie set.
Anyway, i got signed, delivered and tagged (which i didnt understand how to use.) Then the lovely Andrew (guy on the right) came and gave me the ‘heads up.’ This is the, what’s about to happen, what other things he would like me to do (when i go places, there’s always other things added onto the to do list…but i love it!) And the very important ‘what i’m NOT allowed to say’ talk. With me being a candid, gobby, whore of an inappropriate nuisance, i am always sat down and given the stern ‘before it all starts’ talking to WARNING…(hahahah.) Luckily for me, i’ve been through this ‘talk’ a great deal of times, since the age of 4. So i KNOW when it’s about to happen…they always go a bit red, a little sweaty (because they don’t really want to upset me) and ‘um’ a lot. So as the dear Andrew (who was rather excited that i was there, i think mainly because of the distinct lack of young ‘boobed’ femmes in the buidling…lol) began to ‘show me the signs,’ (The pre-warning talk funk) i rubbed his knee, put him at ease and said, ‘You don’t really need to give me the talk. I get it! I’ve been through it a million times. No swearing, no sex, no any bad behaviour! lol.’ (I’ve started to do this a lot now. Firstly to calm them and secondly to make sure they don’t actually say the words, ‘DON’T DO…blah, blah, blah…’ Therefore when i ‘DO DO blah, blah, blah’…(and i always ‘do do’ regardless as to what has been said) i can always blame it on the ‘Oh but you never exactly told me what i wasn’t allowed to say???’ (EVIL!! Mwahahaha!)
Anyway i get marched upstairs into this ginormous room, swarmed with busy heads frantically typing at desks. Hundreds of desks. It was like the ‘Daily Planet on crackola!’ From that point on i refused to called Andrew anything other than ‘Clark Kent.’ (He would just blush and be adorable.) It was amazing and the people there (due to them being Northerners) were soo welcoming. They really love their jobs, which you dont see as much nowadays.. I adored it and then weaved in and out of everyones desks looking at things that i could maybe fit in my handbag. I tried to steal an inflatable pint of Guinness (i know how amazing)…but ‘guy on the left’ politely informed me, through his ‘oh lord what do we have here’ laugh that i couldn’t ‘just go around stealing things.’ LOL.
So i flirted with anyone i could flirt with. I’m made sure i was the biggest distraction in that place and well made fun of everything and everyone i met …but mainly MYSELF! (I’ve started to do that loads too…to make people realize i’m not some stuck up twat of a human being.) By this time (12 noon) i was delirious because i was living on a limited amount of sleep and running an magnum sized cups of coffee. Which makes you feel like your on drugs. I did my web chat..which is one of the most interesting things i’ve actually ever done. Not sure why love it so much, yet i think because it’s all about Me. LOL! I can’t actually remember what i said, because lots was going on around me. I was being filmed, whilst having a lovely ginger man snapping, (a camera not his fingers) having a microphone fitted, shaking hands with other reporters and ‘winky winky pouting’ at all the men sitting around me for kicks. I think i pushed my boobs out a bit too. (Whore Alert!!) I love a bit of flirting. I have a reputation to uphold. I do know my web chat is still up online somewhere and i do remember stating that ‘Going to the Playboy mansion is just like visiting your Grandad.’
There was a merry madness around me and it was all over so quickly!! So i’m sorry if i didn’t get to answer your particular question. It’s not my fault….it’s the Devils doing. But i did notice a few of you, and Thankyou so much for all your questions. I was actually impressed!! I’m a huge Attention Whore (we all know this) so it really does make my day, and fools me into believing that i’m actually worth listenning too. SUPERSTAR! I don’t deny that i enjoy the sound of my own voice! ME! ME! ME! MORE! MORE! MORE! You guys think it sounds like Chlamydia.
I had a great time and hope to get in there again soon. Plus, i got to be naughty, without them even knowing, which was a MARVEL!! (Haha!) They cleverly monitored my every move and monitored EVERY word i typed Loved it!! I enjoy keeping people on their toes…even if there’s no reason for it. I mean, i’m not gonna do anything that bad. Yet people just never know! I assure you, everything bad that happens usually comes out of my mouth! (ooh-er.) I feel like i energized their environment for an hour. Made them feel like if they snoozed for a second, the WORST could possibly happen! (Hahahahaha! ) Journalist love that. (They probably don’t!) They get excited by ‘drama’ (that also could be a lie) and have inflatable pints of Guinness on their desks! I know it seems like a great deal happened, but that was only one hour of my day. Friday finished for me at 2am on Saturday. Where i dined and partied in Doncaster with my older brother (from another Mother) Cliff. Each moment seems to be so packed right now, with ‘to do’s’… it’s almost nearly getting insane. Luckily like i always say, ‘insanity’ is a medium the Wunna blooms in. Watch me Fly baby!