Today is the day that I ‘Ultimate Glamour Puss, aka Queen of Greatness, aka Best thing ever’ sat in a puddle. A FUCKING PUDDLE!!! Not sure how it happened? Not sure why it happened? I simply sat down in the sun, awaiting a late train and there it was…a fucking puddle. I sat in it!
I mean this would’ve been fine if i was sitting in puddles in the privacy of my own home, or I was a bit kinky ‘ooh aar’ like that…but i kinda really had to walk around, get on a train and go to a meeting looking like i had just pissed myself! No wonder i’m single. (‘Yeah she’s got good boobs, but she fucking pees her pants.‘) I had a massive wet patch and a dribble running down the inside of my trouser leg and i daren’t pat myself dry, incase i attracted any unneccessary attention. You can tell i’m a bit embarassed about this whole ‘ding dong.’ I mean i’ll do anything for a bit of ‘look at me,’ including piss myself…but today i felt like a solid window licker.
I handled it like a Wunna though. I held my head high and strutted forward. Walked into my meeting and said ‘Hell Yeah..i pissed myself.’ Then approved a bunch of pictures, verbally abused a ginger in a mansion, watched a girl shoot for 2 seconds whilst i smoked, fed the Koi pond and glided back home.
On the way back i called Boyband ‘Jonny.’ I do like him, but i’m getting a bit bored of not being able to see him now. Everythings moving slowly and i’m getting a bit frustrated. But we’ll see right? I only like it when he’s cheesey lovey dovey and completely into me. I’m having trouble trusting boys. Yet only because i’m about to get my period. UGH! I love being hormonally imbalanced.
Anyway, godda go! Good times ahead. I’ll think about all that rubbish later. Winky winky! x