Dates, stress, kiddies and harmony


I am wallowing in utter harmony. Life is all peaceful and calm, (even though I had to watch what seemed like 40 hundred hours of the Magic Kingdom parade, Peppa pig world and well in the words of my daughter ‘BOYS’ this morning, to calm her heartbroken soul. (Keiran: aka the love of her life is away at work..she can’t handle it and takes it out on me. ‘Boys’ is One direction. We both fancy Zain. #awkward.)

So, here am I after my sashimi and buggy workout. (Buggy workouts are easy, there really is no excuse for ‘just had a baby’ femmes to refrain from trying to ‘bend and snap’ back into shape. All you have to do is fricking place baby in buggy, throw on booty shorts and start wheeling uphill, down hill…in ya lady’s chamber. Wherever really! You could even have a wine during…making it the best workout ever. Squeeze in ya belly at points, squeeze in ya buttocks, then squeeze those vaginal muscles and ‘DA DAAAAA’ ย you’re porn star ready for action. Today mid-buggy workout, I had workmen hang out of trucks shout ‘we need to see more of that!’ What? Asians? I thought you all hated us littering Britain with our slanty eyes and really big… brains. ๐Ÿ™‚

Junior’s a crowd pleaser, everywhere I go, as it was with Ruby, I am stopped so strangers can peek in the buggy/pram and ‘aww’ at me with love. I love it because it puts me in a jolly mood. I mean he came out of my vagina and he’s beautiful. I’m proud that I once again birthed beauty. However, I do find it awkward because if I don’t know you personally, even though you know a lot about me…i don’t know what to say after the ‘awwing.’ I do that smile and ‘thankyou’ thing, followed by a sick joke about newborns. I did that today at the Co-op whilst self scanning my wine and sashimi lunch. I couldn’t be a supermarket cashier, it’s far too difficult. ‘Beep…beep…ah shit that didn’t go through…beeep.’

I’m really missing Keiran, who called me today all angry and filled with ‘can’t be arsed-ness.’ I feel bad because if he needs anything right now he needs love, family and a holiday…a break. (I have that.) Instead he’s sat in the middle of a field, sleeping on a deck chair that is wedged in the back of his van, with booming music and drunks and all his scheduling fucking up. His security company are securing parts of the music festivals that are going on all Summer. It’s all going tits up, as someone didn’t organize something correctly or something? Being unorganized makes Keiran grumpy. He enjoys order and can’t appreciate things going a little messy. He was all ‘I’m in a different league to this! I’m FED UP. This had been sooo poorly done!’ Then after I said he was like a little gremlin, pulling faces in a dark corner of a cave…he wanted me to read him a bed time story, in the form of my voice. ‘Babe, tell me a story, just anything, so I can relax and go to sleep.’ Erm…I have a witchy cackle of a voice. It’s not soothing, it’s what you turn on when you’ve had 43 cocktails and anal. *SCREECH!*

I really miss him and I want him back home NOW, so we can frollick and play to the merry sound of true love. The good thing is that this time he’s missing ME, or now opening up and actually saying how much me misses me. I know this, because he’s calling me a lot more to vent and having moments where he’s not actually saying anything down his end of the phone…but just enjoying being ON the phone to me…like i’m right there, doing life and drama with him. I think he’d rather be home this time as love is getting the better of him and disorder it driving him insane. I’m being much more loving to him these days and well who’d a thought..if you’re actually really lovely to someone, they are actually really lovely back! ๐Ÿ™‚ #slowlearner I just want him home and I want us all as a family to venture somewhere.

I do feel bad that he’s going through so much shit, because i’m sat here in the sun with everything under control, after a workout, a fresh lunch, our little newborn son and with a stripey straw jabbed into my baby champagne bottle. Right now, i’m all about enjoying my down time until work starts and the thunder roars. ย (Awww…Baby Juniors being adorable. Whenever I pay him a crazy amount of silly attention, he does Keiran’s EXACT ‘I love it’ smirk at me, with shy eyes and a head tilt. Oh and I forgot to tell you that ‘Nursery’ said that Junior wanted to spend the majority of his time ‘nappy free’ with his willy out. Figures! What ARE my children!!! ) Anyway, I’ve made sure everything around me is drama free, hence why I have a smile on my kitten face instead of…*fill in the blank.* ๐Ÿ™‚ You should too…it makes life fly by with merriment and joy. #iwishitwaschristmas

To be honest, I have a lot going on right now, yet i’m weirdly handling it with ease? I know! I’ve even confused myself?? Maybe i’m actually being a proper grown up and everything? Keiran and I take it in turns to be moody. I’m chipper, he’s angry. I’m angry…he’s chipper. On occasion we’re both chipper and when that happens the world is rosy.

(I’ve just got a text from Gay Adam asking me if it’s a date if you’re not dressed up? Lol. I only like ‘dressed up’ dates because all other dates don’t impress me, it just means you’re chilling and he’s making no effort to initially ‘woo’ you. Plus you might not even get food and that would really suck. ALL Yorkshire girls need FOOD on a date. Some boys and only those who aren’t experienced in the art of proper ‘wooing’ think we only need drinks, so we pull or knickers down faster to any Barry White track you’ve got going. Yes, we need still buy us wines, but OMG, there needs to be a ‘date’ part, a dinner, some flowers, a piece of jewellry or something, whilst you talk and tel us how beautiful and wonderful we are and that you’ve never felt this way before and want to lovingly commit to us forever. ๐Ÿ™‚ I don’t do ANY date that’s ‘come over to mine’ without a boy taking me out!!! If i’m not dressed up and he’s not dressed up…it’s not a proper date. )

I don’t have anything more to say!

Enjoy Friday, it’s fun!

PS/ To sail you into your weekend here’s piccies of Junior and I from our morning chill fest…whilst ‘Daddy daycare’ is away.

We cried

We pondered…


We gave in and chilled..

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