Busiest day ever and without me even knowing why?? It’s Sunday. I had nothing to do. I went shopping. It turned into ‘work.’ I ended up having to run around smiling, waving and dishing the dirt on fellow BBF’s to people in lines at KFC. I was constantly watch, looked like an easter egg and i had a moment where i stopped, adjusted my ‘jubblies’ and after winking at a handsome ‘Lovely’ decided to miss living with the rest of the BBF’s. (I mean bloody hell, i must be feeling lonely! Haha!) I oddly have lots going on right now, so i’m having to write this is a rush. (I hate rushing, because i always forget very important things. I have OCD. I need everything to be EXACTLY right. Rushing doesn’t work with this mental illness.) How good is ‘Britains Got Talent’ right now!!!’ (Pout. Pout!)
Anyway, about my DATE with ‘Dreamboat!’ Oh Lord! Well, it got off to a rusty start. Luckily i’m a big fan of rust, so it began quite wonderfully. Date 2 started at his house. I like being inside the home of a potential suitor. It’s amazing what you can find out. I’m really not that nosey, so i wasted a good opportunity to ‘snoop.’ (And i do mean ‘nose around’ and not be ‘Snoop Doggy Dogg.’ As that would be far too genius!)
I was greeted with chilled champagne, perfect lighting, a gentle loving kiss and that oh so famous ‘mood’ music. Then with the biggest hug known to mankind and a ‘Wow, you are beautiful.’ He slowly edged backwards with a beckoning finger, and the sexiest of smiles. Pulled me with him and guided me to a little section of his rather large mansion, that had been epsecially set up for dinner!! OH MY GOD!!! It looked DIVINE! Magical. It was all candles, dim light, flowery centre pieces and well…just perfect. He was extremely affectionate all the time. Then held my hand, as he walked me to my seat, sat me down and kissed me on my cheek. (I was sold. That’s it! At this point i was ‘swooning.’ He could’ve pulled down his pants, then pissed all over my face and i would’ve sworn to have everyone one of his ‘latino’ children there and then.) We then dined and any shy awkwardness, (which is odd for two of the most cocky people on this planet) was swept away with hysterical laughter, bad jokes, talks about life, sex and exotic lands… and cleverly washed down with red wine! He’s not a heavy drinker. I like this because he keeps forgetting his words in English, when tipsy (he was celebrating all afternoon)…which means he shuts up and i get to talk. No not really. I like it because i can take advantage of him. (Evil!)
We simply made fun of each other for the rest of the time. Had a dance off in his living room, to whatever music the tv was playing. (No-one beats my ‘robot.’ F’sheeze! ) Then quite oddly, we both had plans to meet our friends, in town for a short while, so we ventured out to do that old thang. We know each others friends, so it was all good in the hood. They don’t know about our ‘dates’ ( as i hate nosey parkers) and we agreed to keep it ‘hush.’
Did that! It was fun. Lied to a few people. Drank a few more cocktails. Had ‘Soul sister’ time with my chickies who were flirting with little ‘Dreamboat.’ Then had my bum grabbed by ‘Dreamboats’ best friend. It all got a little weird really. Then i was summoned to a quiet little corner for a ‘chat.’ ( I hate little chats, as they’re usually bad and end with a ‘shall we just be friends.’) Luckily, he sneakily whispered whilst laughing (with an odd hoochie McHooch pants grinding in his eyeline…Hahah. I loved her, as that’s usually Me.) ‘You get out of what you’re doing, and i’ll get out of what i’m doing and meet me back at mine.’ It was slighty more ‘broken english’ than that though. So it took a lot longer to figure out. LOL. I was drunk. (Classy.) His mouth was moving, but lord knows what he was saying?? He had an appropriately placed, below the belt ‘bulge.’ I was hoping that would start gibber gabbering instead. We laughed and got to the mission.
It was easy for me. I just looked at my friends and said ‘Cya bitches!’ Haha! Loyal friend. I’ve always been direct. I taxied (that was alread paid for) to his house, and listenning to Neyo’s ‘Closer’ all the way there. I arrived, jumped out, knew i would be waiting for a bit. Smoked a cigarette (I do when i’m drunk) and strutted towards the house. He (yes he got there before me) answered the door, in tight white boy boxer short things. I laughed, whilst asking ‘Why are you in a diaper?’ I was carrying my heels in my hands. He mocked my height and grabbed my merry ass in.
We sat, cuddled and talked all night. I was in a ginormous t-shirt he had thrown at me to wear and he was all dreamy casual. We watched tv, fooded a little, he told me that he wanted to start something ‘serious’ with me. I kinda ignored that he said that. Not sure why? But I did. We slept naked in his bed. I laid with my head on his chest. You’re not gonna believe this, but WE DIDN’T HAVE SEX!! The two whoriest people ‘spooned’ like disgraceful virgins. Haha!
Woke up in the morning, had breakfast together. He produced a little giftbox out of nowhere, with a tiny pink bow on it. I was sat at the table, and he didn’t say anything, just smiled and placed it infront of me. I looked all coy, but was really thinking (‘FUCK YEAH!!! GIFTS!!!’) I slowly unravelled the ravelling, and peeked in my box. (The gift box, not my unused vagina.) In it, was a silver necklace, all delicate and lovely, with a DIAMOND encrusted letter ‘C.’ So me, right! What am i going to do??? (Well apart from go on 7 more dates, so i can spell out my name in diamonds.)