Cosmetics, Castings & Conundrums

Woke up this morning to BBM messages from Boyband Jonny (my ex-eroo) informing me of the fact that he was extremely horny, with his hands down his pants, wanting to ‘hump everything’ and that now wishes to be ‘on me ALL DAY.’ Well that’s just great innit. When i dated him, he was younger and all what i like to label ‘A-sexual’ Jonny. Now, (we’re not together)… he’s a horn ball. Typical! I told him that at least wanking would keep him out of trouble if if he ever went through a slaggy phase. I mean surely it’s hard to torture the heart of you’re left hand. (Yes..he’s a lefty. *geezer geezer*

I actually got messages from people screaming ‘OMG NO..what about Loverboy!’ Now, don’t you worry. Pete and I are perfectly fine. He’s my ‘perfect‘ and soo ‘total much’ delicious. I’d never cheat on him…the only time i have was with a goat, and he was fine with that…even though it did give him a bit of a cramp. (Aaah goats!) If i’m honest..other than the affection, the looks, reliablity and the romance, one of the things i adore about Loverboy is the fact that he’s ‘slaggy.’ Well..sexual, senusual, likes to express himself  through sex and actually loves it. Infact, that is probably one of the things he likes about me. Jonny never enjoyed that side to me, to it’s fullest..but i always wished he did. I’m just telling you the story of my life. Pete wants us to live together so we can have ‘sex before work, sex before play, sex before dinner, sex before sex.’ Now Jonny and I are seperated, Jonny wants a bit of ‘slagga-slagga-muffin.’ But that’s normal for guys. (I want my facebook handsomes to write me love poems, to kill a good 5 minutes. One gent told me to ‘Get a Life’ today! I enjoy that i bring out the best in ‘beings.’ He left it as comment on one of my blog posts. But we ‘unapproved’ it. Technically, i have a life..and i write about it. You (Mister party pooper) spend you’re time of ‘life’.. writing evil tings (i like saying ‘tings) to a wide eyed, drunken Glamour Puss! *Hair toss* My answer to that little clumsy fingered, puzzle of ‘Rubix’ is…..

 run around the streets of Leeds in a glitter bikini, throwing it through the air gleefully, before getting run over and sworn at by decent human beings. Yep, i’d definitely like that piece of life! Gimme! Gimme! (Ugh, my boobs are swollen today.)

My cosmetics line is at this precise moment being made. It’s out in the summer, beginning in America. I mean we have to actually get permission or something to sell it in the Uk. We all know i love a bit of Glam, so hopefully you will too! I’ve chosen colours that everyone can use, be you pale, dark, or inbetween. The Chrissie Wunna cosmetics range…how AMAZING! Getting drunk and being ballsy really did get me quite far. lol (I’ve lost my cuppa tea?)

Okay, incase you didn’t know, i’ve just been offered a role as a talent agent, booker, and talent PR and marketting hero (wink pout) at the BOND agency, in Leeds. They represent models, actors, presenters etc… It’s the leading agency up north, full of ambitious, delicious, ‘work hard for you’ agents of ‘clout.’ (I mean a 14 year old girl just booked a giant contract with CHANEL through them! OMG!!! Jealous much! 14!!!!)

Anyway, from now on, i’ll be trying to book people on castings, finding clients, helping you with your careers, and so championing you on your way to moola. (Which rhymes with hoola, with reminds me that i’m meant to be buying a coconut bra and grass skirt today and i forgot! UGH! I hate forgetting! Annoying much!)

But yes, if you are a model, or want to be a model (of any kind, high fashion, commercial, any age, race, height, or gender) or you are an actor, a presenter, and really want to try and get on those castings. You can mail ME, your pics, headshots, stats and CV’s, with your contact details and i’ll take a looky looky:

Mail to:  Bond, Cedan House, 102 Kirkstall Rd, Leeds, L

I’m immediately looking for  girls 5ft 5 and above…at least a C-cup, great personality, decent model, for a fashion show casting. But that’s just what we’re looking for right this second. I’m currently looking for ALL models and Actors! Get submitting! Now!

2 thoughts on “Cosmetics, Castings & Conundrums”

  1. Well, of COURSE you “have a life”! That “commentator” must have some wires crossed.

    (And thanks for leaving me with the visual image of swollen boobs. Yay. ) 🙂


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