Y’know England wouldn’t be too bad a place, if it was actually warm. I love the country that bred me..I do. (I tells ya!)However, i simply can’t deny the fact that at times, it sucks balls due to an unfortunate brisk ‘up your arse through to your ears’ nippy air. You’ve all felt it….Yet this princess cannot bare it. I’m one to wave the flag for sunshine filled days, floozies and sweat patches. I mean, it’s so cold right now that i’m having to lay on Pontefract tanning beds (which i don’t recommend. You go in with a soft pale complexion and come out with a round of gonoreahea) and sip 10 cocktails in order to feel like i’m on some kind of holiday. (Yes, I really am that tragic….but still a bit better than you.)
About an hour ago, i was standing in the coldest of rooms, listenning to Girls Aloud, having to be naked, whilst some snotty nosed, boney fingered bat measured me for bras. (I’m only name calling because she doesn’t like people who go on reality shows or those who adorn boob jobs.) Funnily enough…i’m not partial to boney-fingered bra measuring bats! She kind of lacked the polite conversational skills, that any decent bra fitter should have. (Which is code for: I would’ve flung a possum up her petticoat, if i could!) Evil sour faced cow.
I’m really missing all my guy friends in LA today and I shouldn’t as i’m here in England until at least the end of Spring. And plus, i’m excited about it. So i’m gonna make the most of the time i have here. My glass is always half full……(of booze.) I just wish they were here with me. So we could live our ‘England Adventures’ together and make it a bit warmer. I’m used to having a mini entourage of male hotties following me around Tinsel town. They are my bestest friends. So it’s weird looking up and seeing unfilled empty spaces. (I’m pathetic!) But I do feel lonely without them. And i do always say if something isn’t right in your life, then simply ‘flip a bitch’ and change it! So I can either fly my LA boys out -for a bit of Hot British fun. (Which they would find terribly difficult.) Or i can replace them with fun Hot British boys! (ooooooh!) Nothing like replacing your friends! Did that once for cigarettes.
My LA Boy POSSE keeps telling me, ‘I’m on a mission! And that there’s a little bit of Chrissie Wunna inside all the good old fashioned Brits.’ I just ‘have to help them find it.’ Not sure why? But probably so you can ALL be as cool as ME! (OH MY GOD, all the lights have just BLACKED OUT!!!!)