Chocolate sheets


Woke up this morning to a lady i know as ‘Mum,’ thrusting a House of Fraser bear in my face, with a year embroidered on it’s foot, whilst shouting, ‘I’ve had this for 10 years.’ Like i always say, if my eyes are closed, try not to talk to me. I’m an arse in the morning. I looked like a hag, all broken and squashy faced, like i worked in a chinese takeway and the last thing i needed was to be shocked up, loudly to bear. Bless her heart…i have the best mum. I slept in her bed with her last night. I always do first night back. Infact, as a child, (i was 12 🙂 )  i spent 5 years of my childhood, sleeping inbetween my parents because i was scared of monsters. Odd little threesome. I also didn’t give up my bottle until i was 6. Hence my cocky sucky lips. I blame my upbringing. I was raised by a ‘too soft’ nanny. I love the fact that i was brought up by someone who was actually PAID to monitor my every move. Haha…I was chased around with wooden spoons, and told Bruce Lee was my uncle. 🙂

I’m currently stuck in a pair of fur boots and my zipper on them is all kinds of stuckage. Now i’m apparently gonna have to get CUT OUT of them. Horror much! Have a word! I can’t cut them. That’s like a dagger to my heart. These boots tell a story. How do you think, i’m gonna let anyone come at me, with a knife, to my beautifully sculpted calf, without spitting at them….from my vagina. 😉  (That Timberland song that starts ‘Ain’t got no money… ain’t got no…blah blah blah’ is on in the background. I love it, i do, but for me, in real life, that’s where the song should end, coz i would’ve left by then. 🙂 ) kitten called ‘Lucky’ is cuddled up in my crotch sighing. I’m loving Yorkshire, i needed a break from London town. It’s puurrfect for Crimbo. There’s nothing like being a northerner. I got followed around Morrisons today, like i was Michael Jackson, (slight exaggeration, it was more like i was Paul Daniels.) People watched my every move, so being the humble, loving being that i am…i put my sunglasses on and said nothing. Hahaha…My Mother escorted me around like a bodyguard, she very much loves the staring. I’ve noticed that, my friends whore me out for attention. LOL. If all else fails, they pull the ‘she’s off the telly’ line for a bit of ‘Looky looky.’ Hilarious!

Okay so last night, i put on my Facebook that i wanted a decent boyfriend for New Year, and within an hour i had 423 inbox messages, (impressive,) my email box became so full that it could no longer function.(I like!)  I had 1000 suitors, some shirtless crammed in there (*throws away dildo*) and yet still no man. (*1,2,3…Awww.*) I’m not kidding. I’m very ready to settle down and have an other half. I’m actually excited. I have 2 weeks to find love. I want to begin the new year loved up. I don’t care how old you are, provided you are legal and not dead.

Although i’m a cheeky whorey floozey, ( and a lot of that is ‘front-play-fear’) i’m really quite shy when it comes to romance, these days, because in England and only in England, i’m scared i’ll get rejected. I feel really comfortable around the LA boys. I don’t know why that is? Maybe because they know me better. I’m a real person to them and not a fantasy. But yes, i’m not kidding. I’d give anything for the love of my life right now..someone i could care for passionately and share life with. I like a bestfriend/boyfriend. When i’m in love. I’m alive and although it terrifies me…i know there’s nothing more important than having it in your life. (I’m feeling a bit embarrassed now. Haha…*searches for booze.*)

Anyway, the good thing about posting ‘Need love’ was that i got to talk to Brad Hoss, a friend of mine in LA. He’s done well in life. Professionally, throws the biggest and bestest parties in LA he does. He’s quite settled in love right now, but we used to be neighbours when we were little. I used to fancy him. He used to fancy me…but we would never tell each other. (Haha…we’re good like that! He told me he didn’t want to look like the ‘sleazy neighbour.’) Anyway, years later, a moment came when he plucked up the courage and made the move..but i was in a ‘Wishy washy Wunna Chapter,’ therefore it never got around to happenning. But it’s crazy because both of us would have dated each other, (he’s taken now.) He could’ve been living in England. I could’ve had lots of blond babies, who drink too much, yet due to FEAR…and laziness, it never happened. (He had ‘rumpy’ with a girl in a cargo elevator….love that about him. I had…everyone. 🙂 ) We laughed off memories last night. We’re good friends now.

Now, i’m a ballsy girl…but when it comes to love,the ‘real kind’ and not ‘in the club, pissed’ kind (because i excell at that kind of love)…… i get all terrifed and shy, yet no-one knows that about me, therefore they believe i’m going to put on my spikiest  stilettos and stomp all over their heart. What’s a floozey to do?? Need DECENT New Year Boyfriend Please.

4 day birthday countdown ( I love that my Facebook friend Carmell just had HER birthday, all her friends celebrated it with her, she got the choppard ring she wanted, had Cristal bought for her all night, and poured freely by her loverboy…and was still upset! LMAO! I fucking love it!!! If you’re not crying on your BDay than you haven’t had a good time.)

2 thoughts on “Chocolate sheets”

  1. Lol yay I got a mention!! I did appreciate the ring just not that I had to age to get it haha love you Chrissie XXXXXXX
    hope your birthday is amazing sexy!!


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