Chocolate Muffin of Mine

My phone bill is an atrocity! Jesus! I’m cradling my head to get over the pain. It sucks balls! Nowadays i get a lot of things for free from companies, people and handsomes. Phone bills, unfortuantely is NOT one of them. I’m Devastated!! I need to be lashed (as in eye lashed and not as in whipped. I have a very low pain threshold and not into any sort of kinky beat down) before i can continue paying this bill from the land of the Whoriest HELL! Ugh! Eat me!

Talking about things i get for free. (Smooth link there, by The Wunna) Today i recieved a designer handbag (ooh,) a bunch of pictures of people (which can often be a bit odd,) glittery make-up, (i love my face to be a wee bit dramatic,) new sex toy things (which seem a little complicated) and get this….a candle, that was made to resemble a chocolate muffin. Now i’m not being funny or anything, but it looks like a Muffin, it smells like a muffin (of the chocolate variety) yet it’s a FUCKING candle. I don’t get it??? I’m not into candles that look like things you can eat. Or really candles that look like anything but a candle. It makes no sense at all?? And i’m actually a huge fan of good old ‘nonsense,’ but simply not in the form of a candle that’s trying to be a fucking muffin. I mean i enjoy a bit of ‘fire’ in my life , i do (Purrr…) put me infront of a naked flame and watch me dance in comfort for hours. I just don’t like it to be attached to a muffin and a muffin that’s really not even a muffin in the first place!! It’s like saying ‘Here Chrissie, you can have ya cake, but you can’t fucking eat it….EVER!!!’ Lol. Kill me! Thanks fans, great gift giving ideas! You’ll go far in life! I’ll file that under ‘shit times.’ It’s in there with my ‘Pocket garden.’

Other than that nothing else has happened except work. I’ve been sorting out my life, and realizing it’s fucking pointless. I’m working very hard at it, for no real reason other than ‘taking over this merry world’ and staying pretty close to the people that prevent me from being distracted! Infact, i have a Heavy McHeavy watching my every move as we speak…just to make sure i don’t dilly dally off into the distance and end up drunky with my legs in the air on some handsome strangers mattress. (Oooh! I need to stop talking to myself like that! I’m getting all juiced up!) Men are a distraction in my life. I’m far too passionate to control myself around dreamboats! Therefore i’m concentrating on keeping them locked, pushed and elbowed out of my life, unless it’s for a quick much needed flingy. I do believe in treating yourself!! And everyone needs a fling in spring. Is it even Spring yet?? But yeah, as of right now it seems i’m a Footballers dream, and it’s annoying. In LA i’m an Actors dream…so i’m hearing a great deal of one liners right now from boys of those professions on both sides of the pond. One liners are always the worst. But they can be mildy hilarious!! (Especially from the blokes that take themselves rather seriously.) The best one i’ve ever used, had no words in it at all. It was merely a ‘grab.’ It often doesn’t work. I get shunned for being a whore! LOL! (Note: I never get shunned! I’m just trying to make u feel better about yourself! Boys dig this shit, cos they’re suckers for punishment!! lol)

I’m starving, i need to go eat!! I really fancy throwing a party, going to a fashion show or having a beer with the fellas. Need it. NOW! I feel sexy! (She purrs… and feathers her brow.)

10 thoughts on “Chocolate Muffin of Mine”

  1. big phone bill are cheeky i have had bills for monkeys when i was in thailand that is why i know have a thai phone so me bill aint that bad i hope it gets sorted and u manage to charm the pants of some mush at o2 or vodaphone or whatever tariff u use so u cant get cheap bill

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