Chocolate Fucking Face Masks

Not being funny or anything, but i’m at a beautiful day spa, with a fucking mask of chocolate smeared on my face. This little bit of ‘genius’ was suggested to me by one bitch of a Day Spa assistant, who believes that facials are the way to go in this ‘dand’ of a land. I honestly used to be a huge fan of the odd weekly facial that my Mother would send me on as a teen, to ensure a future of healthy skin. However, as i grew older the only ‘facials’ i seemed to enjoy were the ones that left your eyelashes stuck together after orgasm.

The problem is that  i don’t see how smearing a gooey mixture of chocolate, cocoa and dead sea salt on your face, is gonna make it any better. MAKEUP makes it better!!! It honestly looks like i have pooed in a corner, and wiped my arse on MY FACE. It looks like POO and I’M IN FUCKING PUBLIC!!! I just have  this thick ‘brown’ chocolate smelling ‘smear’ all over my ‘money maker,’ with circles around my eyes and a normal skin toned banana shape around my lips. I look like a twat. People are either gonna think i have an incredibly sick fetish, i’m simply disgusting or that i’m a bit of a racist bastard.

The mask is now killing me. Like is really starting to hurt. All the ‘gloop’ of the substance has dried very quickly causing my face to feel extremely tight, and like it’s being squeezed in by the very large hands of a bitch of a black woman. I can’t even breathe and the nazi day spa lady is refusing to let me wipe it off. I can’t even talk anymore, as moving any part of my face now, is a physical impossibility. However, there is a light at the end of this sick, twisted tunnel of a facial, as i have politely reminded ‘Karen’ ( the day spa bitch of a whore, who’s standing a counter away from me, ticking off victims)  that once my fucking chocolate mask is 3 seconds off my face, i’m going to claw her pretty EYES out…then smear HER in chocolate smelling ‘brown.’ The evil cow Karen replied, ‘Ooh it’s fun. It’s like you can eat it.’ I DON’T WANT TO EAT ANYTHING OFF MY FUCKING FACE! YOU WHORE OF SATAN!!  I’m going dizzy!

Chrissie Wunna

3 thoughts on “Chocolate Fucking Face Masks”

  1. u aint walking around town with it on are u i thought u stayed in the gaffe and they gave u vino or shampoo and u just moan about us geezas all day?if u are walking around town with it on then yes u are gonna look like a mug treacle

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