Chillies, Disco lights and Jesus


‘That’s not water! That’s Pinot Grigio, you idiot! As IF you’ve just tried to foolishly trick ME… of ALL people, when it comes to the difference between water and WINE!!’

I’ve just eaten too many chillies…and I do mean fresh chillies, as in a Big Brother type task and not chilli con carne. I’m not a ‘chubba.’ I snack more than I ‘main meal.’ Main meals terrify me because they look at me all angry with intimidation. I don’t like a lot of ANYTHING. I mean, I do like everything, just not something in GRAND amounts. (Aside from cold hard cash and love. The two main sources that anyone needs to get through life with a smile and great shoes.)

I’m a spicy food eater and i’m currently craving all things chillified. I decided to eat raw chillies with mature cheddar and olives. The idea was the quench my craving and well speed up my metabolism as I sweat all the bad toxins out. (It always makes my nose sweat.)

Anyway, they managed to get the better of me because I wasn’ t concentrating. I’ve eaten about 8 raw chillies. Hot ones. Everyone knows when you’ve burnt your throat and insides the best thing to *glug* down is something milky or creamy. (Not that. πŸ˜‰ ) So, the body to the left of me…(never trust the people to your left) offers me WATER, which firstly is WRONG and secondly even worse when the ‘water’ isn’t water and is in fact WINE. Now, we all know i adore a vino, but that fucker would’ve SINGED my insides to the hell at back with a *sizzle-pop-dead* reaction. She tried to make me believe her Pinot was WATER. Who the hell does she think she’s talking to? I’m not Countryside Caroline, with back in the day bloomer on! I did my 20’s in Hollywood. Played with naughty modelling.. all my entire life. Went on the telly doing partying and drinking with the ‘at the time’ world’s biggest socialite…I think I know what a wine is! πŸ™‚ She said she was like Jesus. Again WRONG! What is the matter with you peasants! πŸ™‚ Jesus turned water INTO wine, not pretended all the wine in the world was a water. #thicko πŸ™‚

I’m only feisty because the chillies have made me be. I’m dizzy and having an out of body experience. As if she tried to burn my entire insides with french party juice. HILARIOUS!

I’ve now got to go on a nursery run and pretend my mouth isn’t burning. I think i’m talking with a lisp?They’ll think i’ve had 42 rums.

Ruby wants to bake more cupcakes too, after her big cupcake bonanza. That’ll be fun… DIZZY. It’s made me need a lie down. Lol.

I love that Rubes is baking mad because as a result she FORCE FEEDS them to everyone and even though no-one wants to eat buns made by the grubby hands of a two year old, they end up having to, not even out of courteous, but because she’s SO FORCEFUL. Pahahaha. It humours me no end.

Tonight Grandma’s gonna have to eat 40 of them without question. I’m the only one she doesn’t feed them to, simply because she knows i’m as stubborn as she is.

I bought Junior disco lights during a quick lunch gap today. He’s obsessed with moving lights or twinkly things. I figured it’d be too much of a danger to have a glistening, giant chandelier placed above his cot…So instead I went with disco lights. We took him to Victoria garden centre and he was obsessed with them. He was almost numb with astonishment. He was probably going blind and we didn’t realize. But he looked like he loved them to me, so today..I bought them.

Then I took them back and bought moving fairy lights because they were battery operated instead of run off the electric. Less danger and much cheaper on my utilities. πŸ™‚

A colleague turned around and told me off for purchasing disco lights for a 4 month old. They could’ve done it nicely but instead they said, ‘…it’s fucking nearly Christmas you idiot!!! BUY multi- action fairy lights! Disco balls my arse!’

But whatever remember that you’re talking to the girl who did 5 hotel nights when the boiler broke, instead of blankets.

Got to dash. The kiddies are at nursery and they need Momma to show up in 15!

Kisses xx

PS/ Did no-one do any work today or something because I sent out a bunch of very important emails this morning and not one person got back to me. Urgent much!



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