Chat up line bonanza


So, the worst chat up line that has EVER been delivered to my darling kitten self (and there has been many that fit into this rather dusty category believe me) was one, by a gentleman…in a vest…might I add…you saw me tottering around with Ruby in a buggy and with Junior still in my belly. I was abut 7 months pregnant and full blown waddling and the dear boy thought the correct way to romance me was to see that I was pregnant AND with my daughter and say…well shout…’D’YA WANT ANOTHER ONE IN YA!’ Hmm..? Romance is DEAD. That one was even worse than the guys that just give me a penis size inbox. In fact that was even worse than the part of my life in Hollywood, where it got to a stage that guys would just walk up to me, pass me a business card, I knew what it meant and if I liked them I was free to contact them. No words were even exchanged. Girls of the ‘yummy’ variety are so used to getting asked out in LA that literally a dude will just walk by you and place his card in your hand before walking onward. Yet still…much better than ‘D’ya want another one in ya!’ Lol. I’m Yorkshire and proud. But JESUS the boys can be dire at times. They rather YOU buy them a pint, then them have to purchase you a wine. IN fact, a friend of a friend once asked me what I wanted, when at a wedding in Yorkshire and when I said ‘a wine,’ he replied saying, ‘Oooh i’ve never bought a girl a wine, EVER!’ Erm..? 🙂 #jesuschrist (I’m not a Bulmers kinda girl.)

Anyway, the BEST chat up line i’ve ever had was when I was at a book store at The Grove in West Hollywood. He saw me, he sauntered up, he asked me out to coffee. I looked at him and said, ‘NO.’ HE DIDN’T GIVE IN THOUGH. I gave him rejection, after rejection, in the space of 3 minutes, but all he said was ‘Hmm…curve ball.’ 🙂

Then as I picked up a book…about music. He  said, ‘WHAT is it gonna take for me to get you out of this bookstore and come to coffee with me???’

I said nothing and just stated that I wasn’t in the mood. He grabbed the $40 book out my hand. (I didn’t even want it. I was pretend reading to get rid of him.) He took it to the cashier. Paid for it. Put it in a carrier and threw it at me. Followed by a very confident ‘Right..lets go.’

I didn’t EVEN fancy him, but because he approached me with so much confidence and was SO SURE of himself. He sort of just TOLD ME WHAT TO DO and I weirdly liked that. I think because at the time I was so used to guys tip toeing around me, with shy faces.

But I went to coffee that day. I even went on a further date. I even dated him for a bit. Then after 8 months, I couldn’t stand him anymore. I don’t talk to him at all now. 🙂 He actually ended up being really awful. Lol. Cupid rocks. He was still married and had a secret son that he just FORGOT to tell me about. I mean, people should be proud of having a son. He pretended that he had never had any children! Hahaha! That’s where my radar directed me! It’s broken i’m telling ya.

Y’see, if you get me on impulse…i fall for it every time. 🙂 Woo me, flowers, the lot. I fall for it..EVERY TIME. HAHAHA. Not really because i’m an idiot. But because i’m an idiot 🙂 AND I’m a sucker for romance. I adore being romanced. I mean the man can have nothing, but pop out a bunch of roses at the right time and BOOM…deal..done. TRAGIC!

The funniest chat up lines have always been the fetish ones. Now,I’m not into fetish at all. I think it’s too hilarious for me to take seriously. But the slave ones and the adult babies who want me to mummy them and the odd ones who just want me to blow up a balloon and send them a picture of it? I don’t get it? I never entertain it. Yet, I DO find it funny. If i ever reply it’s because i’m feeling bored and evil.

So there you have it. Wunna’s chat up history.

Life is a marvel once more.

I’ve just typed all of this in THESE NAILS.


Just call me glamour puss! *Wiggle-Wink*








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