What the hell was my Saturday???
Awesome is what it was! AND because I am the Kitty Queen of utter tragic awesomeness…it was all rolled up into one glittery ball and thundered at life with a ‘gotcha.’
Right, so in the morning, I shopped with Rubes. I then fought with Keiran in the afternoon. (I don’t get why we find it really difficult to even get along in some kind of normal civilized manner. But we can’t and well…when a man who abandoned his family for partying, dares to storm into my home, where I raised the children BY MYSELF and pretty damn WELL, and then decides to call me a bad Mum…you know that things aren’t going to be pretty. I asked him to leave. He threw a strop. Life went on.)
Anyway, once he had gone, Junior, Ruby and I had the most uplifting time ever. We danced. We played. We drank pretend cups of tea. Then my mum & dad came around for Grandma/Grandad time…(we do this a lot to make sure that they always feel some sort of FULL family atmosphere,) and well I had gotten myself into a tizzy stress about all the Keiran shit, that my Mother decided that I needed a blow out.
So, I slipped into my Kardashian for Lipsy dress. I could hardly fit in in at all. (I’m bloated right now and filled with ‘my time of the month.’) Nothing is worse than being bloated and having to squeeze into things. But I did anyway because that’s what glamour pusses do!
I’d arranged to meet Tony, Dodge and Luke…for a ‘Casual Saturday.’ I was already in a dress, so i knew it wouldn’t end up too ‘casual.’
Once I walked into the ‘Tap & Barrel’ and saw them all sat their at the round table, looking all ‘one pint.’ I decided that I needed to *judgsh* up the drinking process a little and ordered us all Tequila shots, as it’s always a good start to a good night and always gets everyone…well pissed.
Everyone was in a really good mood and ready to get on it. Dodge was ‘regal.’ Luke up for anything, Tony was in a shirt that was having more fun than him. (I mean, you can’t wear a shirt with blokes partying on it and not be as much fun as they are can you. His shirt was having a blast. Tony was still sober…which a good thing because he turns fucking rude as hell when pissed.)
Anyway, lots of gossip, banter, talking about Motown, Talc and how you’re only cool if you throw it down on dance floors, to stop you from being skiddy when you ‘Northern Soul’ it. Lol. Lots of drinking happened. I bought the boys drinks. The boys bought me REALLY STRONG drinks…and then Tony decides that everyone needs a whisky shot…but not one that only costs £2.70 per shot. BUT ONE THAT COST £12 PER SHOT.
Now, the boys did these super strong whisky shots (and I knew I was already pissed because I was selfiying lots and videoing everything) and well it properly tipped them over the edge because usually boys will say that they’re not pissed, when they feel pissed…however, by this time only FOUR DRINKS IN…they were admitting to hardcore fucked up..idness…
Lots of random babble, inside, outside, selfie posing, moaning, stupid boy behaviour was going on, as Dodge made Tony drinks some lager, salt shot for kicks..and we’re all attention whores anyway, but once that happens, we’re pissed. Dodge needed to go see a Man about a dog. Matty arrived. Luke was his every lovely, ‘drinking strawberry beer’ self and Tony was rambling on about how he needed to find chicks for ‘ass’ Lol and how he was taking some girl to the zoo? He was actually really funny last night and not annoying at all. Infact, I’d even go as far to say that he was sweet, flashy and a funny little bastard. (Even though his shirt looked more fun than he was.)
Rich joined us. Reuben and Brogan showed up,. Andy….more people. The place was getting jammed. WE were gonners and well I didn’t know what was going on, I just know that i was being rounded up and being directed to ‘The Blacky Moor’ (some other bar) for more booze and idiotic behaviour.
We’d been out for quite a long time…and i’m, never usually that pissed up. Then something weird happened and I don’t know if I had just got bored of the scenery or what? Or if i just fancied an adventure, but Jenna (who i work with) sent me a text telling me she was at ‘The Bev’s’ after I asked if she was out.
The words ‘Come’ and ‘I’m on my way’ were uttered and before you know it, Dodge, Luke, Tony and I were trapped in a taxi to Ackworth for some kind of Kareoke night.
We must’ve been really pissed because the taxi driver hated us greatly. I mean even in the ‘waiting for your taxi.’ part of the process we were all singing really shit songs out loud to one another, demanding the list of tunes we were about to apparently perform at ‘The Bevs.’ (The idea was that we were going to strut over to Ackworth, do a song and return to Ponty for disco dancing.)
We got to ‘The Bevs.’ I immediately find Jenna..(who i adore…who was also in her brand new ‘bought by Wunna’ kicks) and i decide that we all need shots…so i bought a round of 10…followed by another round of 10 and then had a bunch of double vodka all sorts bought for me…
WE WERE ALL LITERALLY STEAMING. I mean Holy shit Jenna had only been in there an hour and was accidentally trollied. Dodge found new friends outside. Luke was lovely and getting his drink on with Tony and I. I finally got introduced to Jenna’s sister and friends. And Tony…well Tony was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO pissed and looking for some loving. Lol. He was now ‘Fun Tony’ and his shirt looked boring. He was EVERYWHERE.
But they made the most of it before they all got into a Taxi into Ponty. I stayed with Jenna, simply because I adore just chilling with her, even after sambuca. (Hate sambuca shots. Bought 10.)
Then after more drinking. Kareoke being turned off. We all went outside…some were getting ready for the ‘Party Bus’ that was parked outside. Some guy who owned lots of Ackworth kept calling me posh. People were deciding what they were going to do next…and then BOOM..a fight broke out..a proper ‘Jeremy Kyle’ screamy, ‘trying to be fisty’ fight went on.
In Ackworth everyone knows everyone, so it was a REALLY REALLY REALLY DRUNK, ‘Chloe of the Co..op’ screaming and trying to punch a guy in the face for calling her boyfriend fat. HAHAHAHA. But it wasn’t a little fight. It was a proper hardcore CHAV ‘people having to hold her back’ fight. It was hilarious.
I mean, the poor guy had to get in a taxi and go whilst she was being held…just to get away safely. HAHAHA.
By then…i’d had enough. I was pissed and called a taxi home, as others walked and joined the ‘party bus.’
I absolutely nearly puked in the taxi, but held my glamour pussy self together. It honestly felt like THE LONGEST drive home EVER!
I nearly died.
Got home…not even late, it was early…like 1am.
Couldn’t wait to get to bed.
Woke up feeling rough as hell, but weirdly slept for another hour and felt great.
Played with the babies. My Mum had stayed over, so we all went to lunch…Both my children adore eating out…so it’s always awesome because they’re always so good.
Then i cleaned my entire car out, ready for it to be valetted. If you clean it out first, then they are forced to do an amazing job…I’ve even put in my new car mats that i ordered, which is good for me as i’m shit at anything to do with cars….as if i even ordered new mats. WITH A TINY BABY PINK RIM.
I’ve been home with Junior, chilling and watching him drop Rice Krispies everywhere with smile. HE IS ADORABLE. Honestly. He’s soo cute. He’s the greatest guy i know and he is every inch my son. You can tell with them both actually that ‘Wunna’ is their Mum. 🙂
So, i’m chilling right now and organizing for my work week. I might go out later this evening for a couple hour just for more lemonade.
But for now..roll on Monday. I actually get FRIDAY OFF WORK! Yes! I know! That never happens! So i’m excited!!!