Bunny tailed thongs, Wheely Bins & the homeless



Okay, so now i’m home after a whizz around Doncaster, being ‘lash’ productive and purchasing myself essential treats. Not that a ‘Noir Bullet’ from Ann Summers with a flat edge and a ribbon tied thong that doubles up as a bunny tail, incase I ever need it to, is an essential girly item, yet the humour value of the moment got the better of me. Especially because the cashier asked if i wanted a ‘strawberry penis lolly’ thrown in so i could claim some kind of discount? I’m terrified of willies, so nothing is worse to me than one on a stick, that tastes like berries, that you can suck on all day long. I got it anyway…like i said, i’m a ‘moment’ girl. But yeah, today has been productive. Lots of business and random purchasing. I don’t think i’ll ever need my thong to double up as a bunny tail? I mean, is that sexy? A chick hopping around your privates like a rabbit. It’s sexy for a moment, but really the guy just wants to ping it off and get on with the ‘lurve making.’

It all ended with a fake tan purchase (couldn’t be bothered with a spray tan) and a Taylor Swift carwash moment. Now, i’m home and I’m happy, ready for late lunch and school runs.

Tonight, when Ben finishes work, i’m doing ‘The Carleton,’ (the pub, not the Fresh Prince of Bel air dance) fun and ‘feeling up.’ Lol. It’s apparently the classic ‘Wunna/Reall’ date night. Yet, the good thing about Ben is that we could do absolutely nothing and it would still be fun. We get along well. However, I don’t want to go to a creepy woods to watch people ‘dogging,’ at midnight…(his favourite…hahaha) so i am finding a brief solution to this problem because that’s what good girls do. He’ll be chipper anyway because he would’ve come off his three day work stint and be ready to get pissed, definitely more pissed than I’ll get… plus it’s sunny and Friday so everything’s a win, win.

I’m currently eating chicken pesto pasta, with pine nuts, which is a bit odd since i’m apparently newly allergic to nuts, which may mean i may pass out and get a rash. But hey ho, worse has happened to me. It won’t be worse than the time a crazy LA druggie, who was pretending to be Jessica Simpson’s hair dresser threw a Hollywood wheelybin at me, when i wouldn’t let him cut my hair for cash…on the street. He kept having a pretend phone conversation with his hand…and i didn’t know if it was polite of me to mention that he was doing so, i pretended it wasn’t happening. Then he turned french and it freaked me out, so i might have mentioned something, with my tactless charm…(but honestly how much charm do you need for a homeless, hair cutting druggie)…then he turned nasty and threw a GIANT bin at me. I laughed and cried by another set of wheely bins by sushi and he stormed off in a ‘diva’ huff because he left his ‘luggage on wheels’ further up the road, which was a Louis Vuitton. PMSL. Only in LA, do the homeless have designer bags. Then he ran off to tell ‘Catwomen’ on me (this was on Hollywood Blvd so it may so really weird to you, but on Hollywood Blvd, that is full of prostitutes, druggies and tourists…it’s dead normal.) I think i met up with ‘Raffi’ that night, who is a music producer now and well, he’s done tracks for R Kelly Lol…and at the time we were cutting a track…a song…a do daa…He’d rock on over to my pad to chill after studio sessions, and then go to see Neyo…yes Neyo…after crashing his car on objects outside my home, which i’d then get done for by my roommate, who was fun…but a lawyer. (I once walked into my room and he had thrown some weird after party and i found a tranny and a boy having sex on my bed. I was tired from my night out and didn’t have anywhere to lay, as the downstairs was full of people, so i did what Wunna would so and just got out a sleeping bag, laid it on the floor of MY OWN BEDROOM, whilst the tranny and the due got it on and went to sleep. He can’t get me down for having friends drive into things, when that happened. 🙂 )The things that i’ve experienced in life are shocking.

Bottom line…i can deal with a few pine nuts.

I’ve got nothing else to say other than it’s Friday, it’s Sunny, my lashes are doing well and so far today has been ace.

I hope your Friday is panning out nicely.

Lots of love,


Me x

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