Bundles of Millions Please



(Thought I’d delight myself with a ‘when I was thin’ pic. When I’m there again…i’ll celebrate by putting more clothes on.)

Anyway! Gorgeous, gorgeous weather. The kinda weather that encouraged me, even in my ‘knackered from the newborn night shift’ slum, to cheer up, throw on a little shirt, place Baby Junior in the buggy and go on a jolly, sunny, buggy work out. (Which technically is just me, wheeling a human around that peeked out of my ‘Lady part’ last month-ish and is now calling me Mum. Well? If he could talk, he would be.)

I’m feeling great! I’m back on my diet. I’m wanting to work out and  I’ve once again got this parenting thing down. Junior slept through the entire night last night, it was actually RUBES who didn’t. When you’re happy, the menial tasks in life aren’t so bad and when they are bad, you have the ability to giggle about it all. When you’re miserable..everything, even the good things are shit. That why your mind set really does make all the difference.

My buggy work out went well. I kept attempting to leave, yet surprise appearances kept tinkering to my door stop. I had ANOTHER surprise health visitor appointment. I swear i must have more of these surprise peek-a-boo’s than ANYONE!! As much as I love them and think that they do a great job, I sort of hate surprises, because i’m not used to them being good. Anyway, they decided to come at a time when I was still in my pyjamas, sweaty hot, needing a coffee, about to get changed in order to be productive and do my bitty buggy work out and ofcourse my quiet Baby Junior, decided to get constipation and being SCREAMING at the top of his lungs for dramatic effect, making me look like a rubbish Mum. 🙂 I just looked at him and with laughter gave him a ‘DUDE…no.’

The only good thing about the surprise visit was that the health visitor was in leopard print. Anyone in leopard print, even if you’re homeless and a thief I’ll allow into my bubble. Oh and without even paying. In Wunna land, you don’t pay financially, you pay emotionally. 🙂 If you walk in a virgin, you will certainly leave a slut. If you walk in a loony, when you leave.. you will be sane. The goody bags are either a smile or a slap. Yet all of the above is favoured with a delicious confetti sarcasm, every moment you stay seated.

I’ve then ruined my jolly work out day by paying bills whilst nibbling on my salad. Salads are only good when combined with wine, or a hot lunch date. When you’re paying for things that you hate paying for and they are the things that you HAVE to pay for and not the things that you WANT to pay for, which you can slap a gummy label of ‘guilty pleasure’ upon. Bills, bills, bills, bills. You sort of find your charisma being drained from you and a frown appearing on your once young and once rather pretty face. (OOh hang on, Junior’s having a cry!)

…okay I’m back. He pooed…no biggie. Like all men, he needed tending to.

So, the funniest thing that I saw when I was doing my buggy work out and this won’t really be funny to you, but whatever it is to me so i’ll tell you anyway. I saw PHIL (Kelly’s Phil,) cycling. Like actually on a push bike cycling around in the sun. Phil is a man of my heart and simply because he’s firstly Kelly’s choice of ‘boy’ and I adore Kelly, therefore adore her choices. But secondly because his idea of working out via the art of cycling was for Keiran to cycle and attach a trolley to the back of his bike, so that Phil could SIT in the trolley and get pulled along, as he downed 10 cans of Foster. 🙂 Today when I stopped him, he told me that he had seen a man have a heart attack at the weekend, so now he’s all about fitness and life. It just tickled me to see him getting his ‘cycle’ on. He’s now sinned and turned over to the dark side, which is ofcourse Army Keiran’s side, where keeping fit and not drinking lager makes you happy. I’m losing weight and not really working out that hard at all. Well i’m not working out one bit. I will do though. I’ve just been dieting and dieting works for me. It may take a little longer, but it works…watch. I’m sort of thin now, but lumpy and bumpy. I’ll be back to ‘snatch’ in a few weeks. Then i’ll exercise like a hero to make you all sick, before flaunting my body of ‘look at me, i did it,’ in your faces with a smile.

Today and because it’s sunny, i’m just wishing I had won the lottery on Wednesday. It would’ve made today so much more rewarding. I’m having a great life now because i’m positive and keeping it simple. I’m gonna work hard, love even harder, make my money and my mark. The fame game isn’t really bothering me too much right now and because i’m super happy with all that I have. I’m not really craving too much attention as of yet. I’d rather have a bundle of millions in my pretty pocket and enjoy my kids, life and ‘ooh laa.’

Anyway, I hope you’re all well and what can I say other than THANK GOD IT’S THE WEEKEND!!!!

Enjoy it!!








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