Had a ‘barny’ with a boy in LA. I called him, and bollocked him, at 7.30am. Unfortunately, i got the 8hr time difference wrong, (i was always shit at maths) and it seems i woke him up from ‘dreamland,’ where he was probably having his wicked way with as many Playboy bunnies as possible and a dildo, just to yell at him for nothingness….and at 3.30am!! Now, i feel bad. So i’m baking cupcakes.
I always think baking cupackes (buns) makes me a better person. Odd really? I’m shit at any ‘Susie Home-maker’ chores, so baking, although fun..is not my forte. Baking to Me, is hiring a pastry chef to come to your party and cater. Plus, i’ve always thought women who spend their time baking, are women with no lives. I mean, when is there time to bake a f****** cake?? The only time, i would EVER attempt to bake a cake, is if i was trying to pretend i was some kind of domestic goddess, so some hot boy would be fooled into dating Me. (Booyah…done it loads!) I’m only making cupcakes now, to rid me of my sins, y’know, cleanse my evil soul..wear my ‘baking cupcakes’ outfit! Have you noticed how women who stay home and bake a lot, usually have NO-ONE to give their bake goods too!! NO-ONE!! They just do it, ‘cos they don’t have a milkman to shag. It’s loneliness! I mean, my dad used to come home with boxes and boxes of baked cakes and cookies everyday, just for being someone’s Doctor. Who were they making those cakes for??? Not for my dad, that’s for sure!! All he did was give them a round of antibiotics.
So i’m smeared in cake batter. (Yeah, yeah, get it in!) I have frosting in places that frosting should never venture. (Ooh Sherlock!) My hair is tangled in ‘hundred and thousands’ and there’s a chunk of butter on the floor. I’m in gold heels, a pink apron, and a little ‘thought i’d look like a way hot, Desperate Housewife’ dress on. It’s now ruined, cos i can’t fucking make fucking cupcakes. Pointless! I have them all set out, in their little paper cup things, and i guess now i just bung them in the oven, right?? Shit, my earring just fell out! I have my laptop on my kitchen counter. It has frosting on it now! Fuuuuuuuck!
So yeah, i’ve almost made buns in order to repent. As soon as they’re done, i won’t feel bad about waking someone up, in another country at 3.30am to bollock them for no reason, other than me being an evil skank bitch. Luckily, i don’t have to put the buns in the oven to make them rise. I just walk past them and wink…
Va Voooom Bitches! Wish you had it!