Bring on Crimbo

chrissie_10[1]

Yeah, so the highlight of my weekend was drying panties on a radiator, then sniffing them infront of my window, in order to see if they were ‘springtime’ fresh. Obviously to the masses it must have looked like i was a disgusting whore of a pervert. (‘Hi, I’m Chrissie Wunna, on lonely nights i sniff my own knickers.’) However, i assure you that I am mildly perverted, yet wouldn’t ever sniff yours. I’m not that kinky. (I am that kinky.)

I decided that i wasn’t going to go out, and simply try and enjoy my own company. I hate being alone and i never am, therefore i thought it would be good for me, to learn the art of ‘lone time.’  I despised it. Every moment of it. I’m naturally social…there’s not point in fighting it. I must of drank a whole litre of wine then Facebook wall posted every being i knew, then called every being i knew, then ripped my own fake hair out in frustration. I’m gonna do dinners, dates and friends from now on. (Oh and maybe sailors.) I felt like i wasn’t ‘living,’ my life fully and well yeah sniffing panties was the best i could come up with.

Not being funny or anything, but how fucking cold is it??? I walked through Camden yesterday and my boobies ice block froze into solid brick like balls. I could’ve knocked you out with them. I don’t function well in the ‘chilly chill chill,’ it always makes me need a man…Everyone needs a ‘someone’ during the winter months. We all go on the prowl, so we don’t have to stay in all alone, and twiddle our thumbs to sad love songs. I actually feel fine right now, but i tell you, the colder it gets, the easier i’ll get.

I’m also wanting it to hurry up and get to Christmas. I’ve started playing Xmas music by ‘s club 7’ and i’m addicted to it. I vote for skipping Halloween, we’ll have a few fireworks, and getting to the Christmas part. I’ll always have a go on santas lap. He loves me in all the wrong kind of ways. I bring a whole new meaning to the phrase ‘Ho ho ho.’  I actually do want to go on a date with a man that is a ‘Father Christmas’ for the random sake of humour. Plus, i want him to be one of those types that truely believes he is the real life ‘santa,’ and live in a log cabin and everything. I’ll get the most prezzies at Christmas, then make everyone jealous by flaunting my goodies and stealing an Elf. When i was a kid, i’d sit on his lap and flirt. I’d give him bedroom eyes at 5yrs old. He’d ask me whether i’d been a good girl, and there’s video evidence of Me simply saying ‘No.’ Then he’d ask me what i wanted and i’d refuse to tell him out of principle. He’d then suggest something lame like ‘Tiny Tears’ (Tiny-fucking-tears? I want stardom you bastard.) Then i’d hysterically cry, kick him, claim he was inappropriately touching me and have to be carried out by security, mid attack.

‘Lashes’ BBM’ed me last night. He would like it if we got back together and claimed that the ‘I don’t at all want a relationship and just want the Wunna Booty’ text, meant ‘I miss you and want you back in my life.’ He didn’t quite understand how i didn’t grasp that, with me being so ‘in tune’ to the way that men work? Well to be honest i did get that. I know when a boy loves me…yet he is Mr.Right? I’m not so sure?? I need to make a few decisions.

Other than that i want to get kissed under fireworks, to be a superstar (and i will be) and to find another being in the world that has the exact same name as me. I thought Cheryl Cole was good last night on X-factor. I’m a bit jealous of her and i’m writing this blog topless. Oh yes i am, i am, i am. This weather is rubbish, shit it is. I’m grabbing my faux fur, whisking myself to a sunbed, and drinking umbrella drinks whilst i’m on there to fool me into believing i’m on hoilday.

Have a good one. Every decent human being has ear muffs.

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