Briebing Monsters with Snicker bars

So whilst i was on my way to two meetings, that i happened to gracefully ‘fudge’ up. I stopped off at a florist to pick up a random bunch of ‘fleurs.’ I get them on occasion for my Mother. Just so she knows that i adore her and all that good stuff. Whilst i’m picking out the pretties and telling people that i’m gonna be on the telly soon. An ‘ever so chipper’ four year old boy, with a moon on his shirt, waddles up to me, hands me a fun-sized Snickers bar and says: ‘You look like a Monster.’ (Ha-ha!) Brilliant! I politely giggled and then maybe shoved him a little when his mum wasn’t looking. I love the frankness of children. It’s something that we lose as we grow taller. I loved him so much, i wanted to scratch his eyes out. However, then i got a text stating that I apparently needed to grab a pre-roasted chicken and a cat litter scooper. So my bullying and viscious beating of four year olds had to come to an unfortunate end.

Now i know why i ‘nancied’ up my bloody meetings. I walked in there, with a pooper scooper, a fucking chicken and a bloody bunch of carnations. Then had the cheek to nod, smile and down a glass of cheap wine. (Note: I didn’t really balls the meetings up. I never really balls anything up….but balls.) Infact, one went so well that this american guy named ‘Chad’ decided that I was ‘incredible’ and that clones of me should be made and beable to be bought via mail order. Isn’t that prostitution?? It’s terrifying! I’ll take TWO. To be honest, I don’t think he really understood me? But he totally got my ‘chest.’ The others weren’t so impressed, or just really drunk?

Chrissie Wunna x

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