Boys, Blood & Buxom Wraths

Happy late evening. I’m sorry i haven’t blogged all day, but i woke  up this morning on a grey/blue reclining chair, in a room that is referred to as a ‘grandmother’s living room.’ I had a maroon blanket over my pretty  little self, and was sleeping next to a cabinet filled to the brim with ‘saving for a marvellous occasion’ wine glasses. I could see the refelction of the room through the cabinet glass. It was like the wine glasses were showing me my life!

I looked to my right, at approximately 9.58am and mid-squint, i realized that ‘Loverboy’ (my handsome hero) was on a grey/blue recliner next to me, with a blue blanket upon him. We had fallen asleep watching telly the evening before. He usually wakes me up at some hour of sin, in order to drive me home. However, last night, he watched me sleep, wanted me near him and therefore kept me all for himself. It’s kinda the same theory as being held hostage, yet hotter, because you pretty much get everything you want…and with kisses. I even asked him to show me his bum and with a, ‘But mine’s not as good as yours,’ he gave me a 2 second peek. I LOVE my life!

Not only was i being held hostage..(and boy i was the hottest hostage in town) but i also got breakfast in bed! Well that’s if you pretend the recliner was ‘bed,’ and technically, last night, it was! This is why i LOVE being a curvy kitty of ‘ooh.’ Boys want to feed you, love you and take care of you. I also actually had a wonderful nights sleep. I felt stress free, safe and 100% loved. I don’t know whether i deserve this, but i’m going with it anyway. Well done me!

Loverboy and I had had a GREAT day. One of those lovely, flirty ones, where you giggle and make fun of each other, through *winks* and looks of love. He always looks at me, like i’m the best thing to ever happen to him. It makes me feel special and almost as if, i’ve found someone who’s just like….me! I’ve actually found someone who’s foolish enough to do ‘forever’ with me. Woohoo! I can’t believe my luck. Ran away from the horrors of London and a horrific boy and landed myself a little true love! Hurrah! Drinks for everyone …but me! *Looks at the Ribena and sighs.*

My advice to anyone going through relationship problems, is to KNOW that at the end of it all, there IS a Prince or Princess waiting for you. I never believed there was ONE person for everyone, until I met this boy. I mean you know me, i wouldn’t cream you will bullshit. I’m a straight talker, with a cocktail, and vixen strut. I’ve been through awful times with boys, who claimed to ‘love’ me. Yet i’ve noticed that one of the good things about me, is that i never let men treat me poorly for long.  I give them their moment to really show me how awful they are, then i *strut* off happily, knowing i can do so much better! I’m not one to keep going back. I regard myself as a really tolerant person. Once i’m done with you, i’m done and i will NOT have ANYONE treat me with a horrific batter of disrespect…and why? Because i not only know my worth, but i am HARDLY EVER disrespectful to others! If, i am..it’s for the random sake of humour and we all love a bit of *ha ha,* at times. Innit! I’ve made some terrible choices when it’s come to men. I don’t know whether it was because i felt lonely, or needy or whether i was just plain old inexperienced in my youth? Yet even to this day the majority of them try to contact me, in order to re-date. *Yawn.* If you messed up the first time..that’s your own fault.  I’m a Wunna, we march on! (Oh and if you can’t handle it all the bad relationships before your ‘true love’ comes, my kittens…just drink. 🙂 )

I thank CUPID every DAY, for blessing me with Loverboy. Thank God there was a light at the end of the tunnel, because i was beginning to think there was entirely no hope for me at all, with men! If it hasn’t already happened to you..it will. Just keep putting one jimmy choo infront of the other. Baby steps! ALL THE WAY!

You kind of sort of, HAVE to go through a bad relationship, or a bundle of bad, (as i did) in order to reach your ‘match.’ Your purrfect match that is! The heartache sort of trains you up for you’re true love. If i hadn’t had gone through all those bad pieces of ‘thought you were forever,’ I would never have learnt to appreciate such a decent boy. We are fated to be together. He’s the closest thing to me and like i keep saying we have a fairytale love. I’m even jealous of myself. 😉 If i’m being honest, i don’t just love him because he’s delicious, sweet and romantic. I love him because he refound me and re-taught me about love, life and a part of me i thought i had completely lost. I’ve learnt so much from him without him even knowing. He’s shown me a whole new way to do life…yet this time with a quality goodness, instead of a slutty smear of drunken of sin. (I’m currently snacking on Pickled onion Monster Munch! They are to DIE for!)  

On a different note…Where the hell is my Mother? Like where is my family?? They’ve ventured off for almost 10 days, (and left me like little orphan Annie, but with money and not ginner,) to enjoy the world of  meditation..something i can’t do, because i swear.. sitting in one place for that long, with crossed legs would kill me. You can reform a floozy, but you simply can’t  put her infront of Buddha and tell her to contemplate her thoughts for 17 hours a day, in a lotus position! I only do missionary! (That’s how long they’re meditating for! 17 hours a day)

Anyway they were meant to be returning today and yeah…i’ve had no phone calls, not contact, no word from any Wunna and AT ALL? Where are they?? Maybe it really did out do them, this time? I mean, I’m starting to get angry and stressed. I need a break from playing ‘keeper of the house.’ I’ve already accidentally killed there domestic pets and plants. I need to pamper and feel like a woman again. I’ve even mopped the floor…like MOPPED for gods sake. Hear my PAIN!

I can’t do this anymore. They need to come home. They said 10 days. It’s been ten. Now return! Everytime i think about it, i want to gauge my own eyes out. I have scratch marks all over my body from being clawed to death by animals and bruises from door knobs. I have fleas investing my body, my life and i just need to get a spary tan and my nails done. This is the longest i’ve ever gone without taking care of myself. I’m a  GLAMOUR PUSS! And not someone that’s meant to be put in some sort of position of responsibility. I do HAIR, not other peoples house work. I WINK & WIGGLE not walk the fricking wheely bins! I’m exhausted and i need a facial. (Not that kind boys! 🙂 ) I sure as hell hope they’ve found total emlightenment. They’re gonna need it, to help protect them from my buxom wrath of ‘ooh!!’

[OKAY, i need to chill pill it before i start to super dolly explode! Now..breathe…..:) Lets fly a subject change!]

Anyway yeah, on a much nicer note…because i’m wanting to forget i’m angry. Did i tell you that this morning i got breakfast in bed, mid being a hostage and being hidden in a room? Yeah! I was gifted with toast, bacon, a poached egg, and tomatoes. Best hostage situation ever! Then i got kissed, after a cuppa tea, a bit of a bum, show, and a Ribena (because i was craving one.) Life couldn’t be better! I had slept in my makeup and let me tell you, not a single horrific smear was on my face when i rose. I had my full glamour pussy face on, with not even an eyelash out of place. (That’s a lie, i did have to re-glue my right one. But i’m ageing…my eyelids, got tired of carrying them.)

I’ve having a wonderful time, a wonderful life, and being told by doctors that i might have alpha thalessemia. I had to take Loverboy to Pontefract hospital yesterday for a blood test. He’s not so keen on the art of blood  extraction. Not only was he the cutest little thing you had even seen. (I felt like i was his mum. I had to buy him sweets for after.) Yet for the first time he was all vunerable and child like. I loved every moment of it. We both play up to a child like role with each other. I mean you should hear how we talk to each other. It’s like we’re 5 1/2 years old…but happy.  We’re having a *thing-a-ling* gifted into our lives, so our blood tests are currently super dooper important. Apparently only ethnics can get alpha thalassemia. Trust me to end up *Might* having some kind of racist blood disorder. Niice! That’ll help me pull all the handsomes! (‘Hold me, i’m horny…don’t let the infection worry you.’) Lmao. For the first time, my first thought when i was informed with the fact that i might have this thalessemia deliciousness, i didn’t think ‘Woohoo, another way for me to get attention.’ I actually thought about my little glamour puss to be. I’m actually going to be a really decent loin to be birthed from. I’m shocked! I need gin to celebrate! (I might have to lick a picture of a cocktail instead. Is that wrong?) Wazza’s gone to Amsterdam! Hellooo stag do!

 

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